


Enlightenment

by chibitalex



Category: Kagerou Project, Mekakucity Actors
Genre: M/M, Slow Burn, Soulmate-Identifying Timers, but the kanoshins are gay tho lmao. thats why this story is kanoshin, im kanoshin trash, now feat platonic timers bc aro ppl exist
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-08
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-04-08 09:15:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 80,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4299168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chibitalex/pseuds/chibitalex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shintaro expected his soulmate to be a curvy girl whose smile could light up a room. Someone who he could just live a quiet, heterosexual life with. Not this asshole. [soulmate au]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi hi im here!!! this fic will be... long. like really long im so sorry. obviously a multi chapter fic bc. yes. dedicated to avery! this one is for you. about the "author chose not to use archive warnings" warning, i will tell you that this fic will NOT contain anything having to do with non-con, underage, gore, AT ALL. no promises for the other one though.
> 
> im gonna explain some bits of this universe before we get started soo HERE WE GO
> 
> timers are embedded in the skin as part of a body's natural chemistry. everyone, save for certain people who are very few in numbers, have at least one timer. two or more timers is the norm, as around 97% of the population have two or more timers. the average number of timers is three. left arms/legs are for romantic relationships, right arms/legs are for platonic. i mention in there that typically soulmates move in together almost immediately after finding each other due to regulated housing and yess. you get a LOT of benefits from being with your soulmate. generally speaking, soulmate au world is a lot more peaceful than earth. that is. generally. not all parts of it. 
> 
> thats it
> 
> please enjoy! reblog on tumblr and leave a comment if you feel like it!! :3c see you all next chapter
> 
> writing blog is @ http://rxxshintaro.tumblr.com

     The moment he woke up, he spared a glance at his wrist, just to make sure that he was getting the date correct. Just to make sure he wasn’t dreaming, to make sure he wasn’t getting his hopes up, or anything else of the sort.

Shintaro stared down at his left wrist, watching the glowing numbers flash against his skin idly, likely unaware to their impending doom. He felt a little bad for them in a sense, but quickly brushed the feeling aside.

Only a meager 74 minutes, 32 seconds left.

He had really tried to act cool about the entire idea of a soulmate, but it wasn’t exactly working, especially when he only had one timer, whereas others were lucky enough to have timers littering both of their arms, some going down to their thighs, each ticking and glowing and counting down until a new partner was found. The jealousy built in his stomach for a brief moment before he stood, rolling his ankles around on the wooden floor and stretching out his back. The mirror in the corner of the room caught his eye, and instinctively, Shintaro winced, his own appearance honestly scaring him.

Stepping towards the object, he narrowed his eyes, his pale fingers twirling through his thick black locks, which nearly spelled out just how much of a shut in loser he was becoming.

Actually, that reminded him. He hadn’t brushed his hair in over a week. It was starting to get tangled, and he hadn’t even noticed. Shintaro tugged a bit at a knot that was beginning to form near the nape of his neck, frowning at his own dull reflection before loud, thundering footsteps began approaching his door. Paired with a high pitched, repetitive cry of, “Today’s the day, today’s the day, today’s the day!”.

Oh no. Shintaro immediately snatched his hand away from his scalp, fumbling over on his (pathetically weak) legs to the door, his fingers scrambling for the lock, but by the time he even was able to slightly brush against the brushed nickel of the handle, the entire thing swung open, hitting him square in the face, thus proving once and for all that yes, there was a higher entity, and yes, it did hate him.

Although, Momo didn’t seem to really notice, her grin lighting up the room despite the glitter and mascara from her previous nights performance still slightly smudged all over her face.

“Bro?” She tipped her head into the room, presumably searching for Shintaro, and as he instinctively, stealthy attempted to climb into the closet, those ears of hers picked up on even the slightest bit of fabric shuffling. Her confident smile only widened.

“Hey, hey, I see you!”

“No, you don’t.”

“Bro, c’mon...! It’s your day! I want to help you look good! I mean, if you don’t impress your soulmate, they might leave you...”

Shintaro scoffed, standing up despite himself.

“That won’t happen,” He began, falling silent for a moment before speaking up again, a twinge of anxiety in his voice. Momo did have a point. Attractive wasn’t an adjective he’d use to describe himself, really... “It’s impossible for that to happen, isn’t it?”

Momo waved him off, the worries settling into his stomach rather nicely.

“It’s fine, now c’mon! Let me just fix your hair! I’m still tired from the concert last night, so you should really be more grateful,” She hummed, patting the empty space on his bed next to her. Grunting a bit, Shintaro obliged, shuffling over to plop down onto his comforter, which actually seemed a bit childish now that he was thinking about it. What if his soulmate didn’t like plain bed spreads? What if she liked more sophisticated tastes? Satin? Silk, maybe? His head was spinning just thinking of all of the different choices.

“What if she doesn’t like my bed?” Shintaro abruptly blurted out, his thoughts slipping past his lips.

Momo tipped her head to the side, or at least, he assumed she had, seeing as he didn’t exactly have eyes in the back of his head, and that happened to be where Momo was combing through his unkempt hair. He heard her giggle.

“She?”

“My soulmate.”

“What if they aren’t a she? What if they’re a boy? Or neither? Or both?”

Shintaro shrugged, twiddling his thumbs.

“No, she’s a girl. I’m sure. She’s going to be... an older woman, I’m sure of it.”

Momo snorted.

He tried to ignore her comments best he could. It wasn’t exactly working, yet when her wrist briefly passed in front of his face to brush his bangs out of the way, he managed to catch a glimpse of the other’s timer- Or rather, timers.

“By the way, Momo... About your timers, how long do you have left? I can’t remember all of them,” Shintaro began, tipping his head back. “You have too many.”

Momo tugged harshly at a knot in response, sticking her tongue out.

“I only have four!”

“I can’t even remember my own timer half of the time; I can’t remember all four of yours...”

“Fair enough, I guess. You’re kind of an idiot, bro!” She grinned, but began chewing at her cheek in concentration as she thought. “Ah... My left timer has a little over three months left, one of my right timers has just a few minutes longer than my left... And the other two right timers are a little under a year, I guess.”

Shintaro spared another glance at her wrist, before pulling away his gaze.

“You’re gonna meet two of your soulmates in one day, huh... I wonder, are they siblings or something...?”

Momo shrugged and dropped the comb, apparently having given up on her efforts to make him look a bit more presentable.

“Well, I don’t really know. I’m only gonna be in love with Lefty over here, so it doesn’t really matter, does it?” She flapped her left wrist around in the air, the pink glowing light from her wrist clearly visible against her placid skin. Shintaro crossed his arms.

“Are you gonna call them ‘Lefty’ when you meet them, then...?”

She balked, looking ridiculously offended that he would even dare to suggest something like that.

“No! I’ll call her by her name!”

Shintaro’s eyebrows quirked up at her hypocrisy.

“And how do you know they’ll be a girl?”

Momo sniffed, moving forwards to flick him in the forehead.

“Because,” She began, her fingers moving to ghost over her timer. “I know for sure that I only like girls. That’s how I know.”

It was true. Momo did bring up a good point, thought it would absolutely kill Shintaro to admit such a thing. But even then, bisexuality was relative. As long as he wanted his soulmate be a girl, it would be a girl. He had read that somewhere. Actually, it was more of an old wives’ tale, so to speak. Remedies for ‘perfect soulmates’ and ways to alter your timers were positively everywhere on the internet, and they were becoming increasingly hard to ignore.

What was probably harder to ignore was Momo’s right arm timers. His stomach twisted again with the jealousy that he had learned to suppress over the years. Shintaro’s eyes darted down to his own bare right wrist.

Acceptance was taught from public school and was expected from anyone older than six. Left arm timers were romantic. Right arm timers were platonic. And every single second counted down to meeting your soulmates.

Still, that didn’t quite stop the teasing from kids, it didn’t stop the strange looks from the ones who’d manage to see only one timer and would poke and prod him until he felt like he was going to fall apart and break right then and there. Especially when some of them were already playing with their soulmates, both romantic and platonic. And others only had several more years until finding them.

“Hey, hey, what are you doing? You have to get dressed, c’mon, let’s go!” Momo managed to snap him out of his sweet reminiscing of middle school memories by throwing some clothes at his face. Shintaro looked down at them, narrowing his eyes a bit.

“Don’t you think that just a short sleeved shirt and jeans is a little simple... I mean, I’ll look like I don’t really care.”

Still rummaging in his closet, Momo spoke over her shoulder to glance at him.

“What were you gonna wear? If you wear something too nice, they’ll expect that from you every day.”

Shintaro bit his lip.

“... I was going to wear my flannel shirt, the red one... And some slacks... and my favourite socks, for luck. My sandals, too. I was gonna gel my hair back, actually.”

She immediately stopped her assault of the closet to turn and stare at him blankly.

Or rather, her eyes weren’t exactly blank, just... disappointed.

“... No... No, I’m not letting you do that,” Momo said softly, her shoulders slumping in what he could only assume was secondhand embarrassment, though he couldn’t place why, seeing as his fashion sense was clearly the most impressive of the family. “Just put on the clothes I gave you and go.”

* * *

 

_[GRP MSG: 10/19 10:17:32 AM]_

_AYANO: today’s the day for you, shintaro! go, go, meet your soulmate!_

_TAKANE: Good luck nerd_

_HARUKA: Don’t trip and fall in front of them!_

    Shintaro spared at glance at his phone as he began his walk to who knows where, his eyes glancing at everyone he passed. Carefully, he tapped out a message in response.

 _ME: Thanks. I’ll_ _tell you about her when I meet her._

He shoved his phone into his back pocket, feeling rather naked without any sort of item in his hands. Technically, he could listen to music, as the headphones were currently just resting as an accessory around his neck, but that would distract him from the task at hand. And talking to his online friends, or rather, his only friends, would most likely make him lose his nerve.

Was searching for your soulmate supposed to be this stressful? Shintaro could feel the knot in his stomach returning once more. What if the timer counted down and no one was there? There had never been a recorded case of that in history, but maybe he’d be the first one. Maybe he wasn’t ready for a soulmate. He could barely even take care of a bunny, much less a soulmate!

And then, there was the move that came with soulmate searching... Shintaro gulped. Maybe he wasn’t ready to live without his mom yet. He certainly didn’t feel like an adult, though he had already been one for two years, legally. As long as she was over 18, they’d likely move in together within the week. It was just smart to do it that way, what with all of the tax breaks and ridiculously cheap subsidized starter housing for soulmates... Plus, the pension would really help Mom out. She hadn’t been feeling well lately, after all.

His eyes darted from person to person, flicking from girl to woman to girl again, looking at anyone who could possibly be his type, even a little bit. The streets were weirdly lacking of attractive women today for some reason.

Shintaro glanced down at his left wrist. Only 30 more seconds.

Where was she? Did she even exist?

25 seconds.

The air was beginning to feel thick, his lungs just barely expanding and retracting enough to take in shallow breaths. His headphones were heavy, too heavy all of the sudden. Shintaro could feel his palms sweating. This wasn’t good. Where was she? Shouldn’t he have seen someone by now? Every second felt too fast, too slow simultaneously. His internal clock must have been eons off.

10 seconds.

Shintaro picked up his pace, his sneakers grinding against the pavement as he walked.

5 seconds.

He turned his head to the side, sure that he must be at least close to her by now, before walking headfirst into a stranger, their bodies colliding rather painfully. Shintaro’s ankle twisted beneath him as they crashed into each other, and in a ridiculously pathetic attempt to regain his balance, he grabbed for the stranger’s arm, sending them both toppling over and onto the asphalt.

It took him just a bit longer than a second to snap back to his senses, and as soon as he did, both his and the stranger’s words began flowing like water from a broken spigot.

“Shit- Sorry, I have a soulmate to find, sorry, I have to go, I’m sorry...!”

“Ouch, ah, my bad, my bad, I’m a little distracted; my timer is about to go off, you see...!”

Just as Shintaro was scrambling to his feet to quickly run off again, the other’s words caught in his ear. And judging by the look on the stranger’s face, he must have been thinking the same thing.

Sprawled out on the ground in front of Shintaro was a young blond boy.

A  _boy._

No, no. This had to be a coincidence.

But just in case...

Shintaro’s eyes drifted towards his wrist.

The thing wasn’t counting down anymore. Instead, it flashed white, no longer the dull shade of pink he had become accustomed to over the years.

And it read 00:00:00.

“So... it seems that both of our timers have reached zero,” The boy began quietly, his tone more than just a little bit surprised. He pushed himself up on his palms, arching his back much like a cat in order to get up and off the sidewalk. “Then... we’re soulmates, aren’t we?”

Shintaro blinked, turning his gaze down to the bright white zeroes on the other’s left wrist. His stomach churned once more. This... this was a kid. This boy had to only be about 15, judging by how tall he was- or rather, how lacking in the height department he was.

“Shuuya Kano,” The boy said, sticking out his hand in a gesture of goodwill. “Just call me Kano for now, though! Although we may be soulmates, I don’t really know you, do I?” His eyes, which were a strangely captivating shade of amber, glinted against the sunlight.

“Uh... Yeah,” Shintaro stumbled over his words, reaching out to take Kano’s hand in his own, shaking it roughly. “I’m Shintaro Kisaragi. You can just call me Shintaro; I don’t mind... By the way, how old are you...?”

Kano narrowed his eyes a bit, tugging his hand away and shoving it back into the pocket of his strangely dual coloured hoodie. Only a moment later, a blinding grin appeared on his face.

“Well, I’m no kid, that’s for sure!” Kano snickered, stepping out of the way to let several commuters get by. “I’m 18. Why, how old did you think I was? 15?”

Shintaro coughed a bit, crossing his arms.

“Ah, I see, you really did...” Kano murmured, before removing his hands from his pockets and wildly gesturing around himself in what Shintaro could only guess was a display of good will. “C’mon, I don’t want to just stand around here, soulmate! Let’s go to a coffee shop or something; it would be much more comfortable than just standing in the middle of the sidewalk, wouldn’t it?”

The other’s smile seemed almost unnatural, as if it was plastered onto his face, but then again, Shintaro wouldn’t really know what a “natural smile” was, seeing as his typical company only involved himself and voice calls with Haruka, Takane, and Ayano.

“Sure... Sure, yeah... Kano, was it?” As if in a daze, Shintaro took several steps in the general direction of the closest coffee shop he could mentally map out, which happened to be directly into the road. Almost immediately, he snapped back and stepped back onto the sidewalk, ignoring the tiny, somewhat confused chuckles from Kano behind him. “Sorry, weird question, but are you a boy?”

“Yep! Last time I checked, I was, anyway...” Kano hummed behind him, and with that cheerful statement, Shintaro felt his heart drop.

Swearing under his breath, he shoved his hands into his pockets, angrily stomping to the crosswalk with what he could only imagine was a very confused  _male_  soulmate in tow behind him. But at this rate, he couldn’t care less.

“You seem rather irritated,” Kano commented, lazily leaning up against a nearby pole as Shintaro mashed his thumb against the button to trigger the cross signal. “Am I not what you expected?”

Shintaro snorted, tapping his foot anxiously as the cars whizzed them by on the street.

“I thought you’d be... a girl. I wanted a girl soulmate,” He blurted out. Perhaps he was being a bit insensitive, but honestly, he couldn’t care less. As far as he was concerned, this “soulmate” of his wasn’t a reality. It was just an unpleasant dream, and he’d wake up soon. The light across the street clicked green, beginning the countdown until it would turn red again. The sight of yet another countdown only managed to make him more frustrated, and Shintaro stepped into the crosswalk without sparing another glance at the numbers. “Let’s just go already.”

The blond  _boy’s_ heels clunked behind him, managing to keep up for a brief moment before falling behind again, apparently struggling to adjust to Shintaro’s own long, frustrated strides. Eventually though, he did catch up, and his smile was still firmly in place when he did.

“You wanted a girl soulmate, huh? Sorry to disappoint, but I’m not a girl!” Kano began, shrugging as they reached the opposite side of the street. “Do you not like boys? Because even though you clearly do,” He gestured towards Shintaro’s left wrist. “You’re sure not acting like it.”

“I’m...” Shintaro lowered his voice significantly, only leaning in just enough so that Kano could hear it, no one else. “Bisexual... But this isn’t right. Are our timers broken?”

Kano stared at him for a moment before breaking out into a fit of snickers.

“Broken? Are you serious?” He managed to sputter out between his laughter. “They can’t be broken...!”

Glaring at him slightly, Shintaro still managed to keep enough of his composure to politely open the door for him- which was really a challenge, considering how more than half of him just wanted to run away and leave this “soulmate” on the side of the road. Kano didn’t seem to notice his frustration, and if he did, didn’t care, because he simply bowed his head and stepped into the shop without anything further to add.

“They can be broken...” Shintaro murmured, more to himself than anything. As soon as the door swung shut behind him, he immediately began fumbling in his pocket for his phone.

_[GRP MSG: 10/19 11:03:17 AM]_

_ME: I found my soulmate._

“Oh? Am I that boring that you need your phone out right now?” Kano asked, glancing back at him. Shintaro looked up, before huffing a bit, and shoving the phone back into his pocket.

“I’m not a little kid. Don’t talk to me like I’m your son or something.”

“Interesting, seeing as you’ve been looking me over like I’m a baby this entire time! Isn’t that strange?” Kano grinned at him, eliciting a glare in response.

“Fine,” He said, pulling out his wallet and tossing it towards the boy. “Just... order me whatever you’re getting. I’m going to sit down.”

The moment he walked away from the other, it suddenly struck him that maybe he shouldn’t have handed his wallet over to a complete stranger, especially one that gave him a seriously bad vibe. Sort of like a delinquent, though that was probably just his attitude.

By the time he managed to clamber into a nearby booth and pull out his phone, Shintaro realised that in his absence, it had quite nearly blown up, with 7 new messages already waiting for him.

_[GRP MSG: 10/19 11:05:54 AM]_

_AYANO: whaaat?! you did?!?! what does she look like?!?_

_TAKANE: She really exists??????  
_

_HARUKA: Tell us all about her!_

_AYANO: shintaro shintaro shintaro shintaro shintaro shintaro_

_HARUKA: Are you there? Take a picture with her!_

_TAKANE: HURRY UP AND RESPOND_

Hesitating slightly, he tapped out a quick response, biting his lower lip anxiously as he spared a glance at Kano, who seemed to be chatting up the barista.

_ME: I think there’s been a mistake._

_ME: It’s a boy._

The response from the group was instantaneous.

_AYANO: wow! a boy? wowowowow! take a picture i want to see him!_

_TAKANE: HAHAHAHAH  
_

_HARUKA: Oh! I guess those online tips didn’t work, then? No big deal, just go have fun with him!_

_TAKANE: I TOLD YOU I TOLD YOU HIS SOULMATE WOULD BE A BOY_

_TAKANE: PAY UP HARUKA_

_AYANO: you guys had a bet on this? owo’’_

_TAKANE: Im just sayin that when a guy is bi and goes on and on about how much he wants his soulmate to be a girl then its pretty much definite that itll be a boy_

_TAKANE: Dont tempt fate_

_ME: I hate you guys._

Grumbling to himself, Shintaro shoved the phone back into his pocket just in time for Kano to come waltzing over with two steaming cups of something in both hands. 

“I hope you like hot chocolate.” The blond said, sliding the cup across the table. When Shintaro lifted the lid, he was nearly assaulted with a mountain of whipped cream and chocolate shavings.

He shrugged, securing the lid and staring out the window in response.

“Thanks.”

Kano nodded, taking a long swig of his drink before folding his hands and leaning across the table.

“So... Shintaro! Tell me about yourself, soulmate!”

Staring out the window, Shintaro crossed his legs under the table, wrinkling his nose at the word ‘soulmate’.

“I don’t know... I’m 20, I like music... I play video games,” He hesitates before adding more, the overwhelming majority of him content to give a simplistic view of himself to this stranger. “I took online classes instead of going to high school after I graduated middle school. I’m in an online college program now.”

Kano seemed to perk up at this.

“That so? I was home schooled for my whooole school career, so that means we have something in common!” He took a sip of his hot chocolate before glancing out the window. “Say, Shintaro, what’s so interesting out there? You haven’t stopped looking out the window since we got here.”

“I don’t know.”

“You’ve said ‘I don’t know’ quite a few times since our timers went off, haven’t you?”

“I don’t know.”

Kano groaned loudly, before reaching across the table and tapping the lip of his drink, a noise that snapped Shintaro back to his senses.

“Sorry,” Shintaro said, his voice just barely above a whisper. “It’s just that... This isn’t right. My soulmate is supposed to be a girl.”

The other fell silent before leaning back in the booth. He forced himself to take another sip of the hot chocolate, mostly out of politeness than anything else. Eventually, Kano spoke up.

“Well, I’m not a girl. Your soulmate isn’t a girl, it’s me! You said that you’re bi, so what’s the problem?”

Shintaro abruptly leaned across the table, putting a finger in front of his lips and shushing him. He was so  _loud_ , the entire shop probably heard that! And if any of these people knew that he wasn’t exactly the straightest tool in the shed, who knows? He might even be kicked out. Probably not, but it could happen.

“You’re too loud!”

“No one heard me, calm down!” Kano huffed, finishing the last sip of his drink and pushing the empty cup aside. “Why are you so sure that your soulmate has to be a girl? If you ask me, that’s limiting your options. And rejecting reality, but y’know. Whatever suits you best!”

Ignoring the last sentence, Shintaro kept his hushed tone and responded as  _quietly_ as he could.

“I want to be normal. I want to have a normal relationship, I want to get married to a girl, I want to have a kid and a dog and just live quietly. I don’t want to be in  _love_ with...” He couldn’t help the look of disgust on his face, and though he was sure that it was extremely rude to look at someone like that, he honestly couldn’t stop it.

“With?”

Taking a deep breath, he hissed out the words.

“... Some little kid.”

Kano stared at him, his eyes only widening briefly before narrowing again.

“Some little kid, huh?” He responded dryly, brushing a piece of his (admittedly, pretty) hair out of his face. “That’s pretty big talk for someone whose headphones aren’t even plugged into anything!”

With the way the other was looking at him, it suddenly struck him that maybe that wasn’t the right thing to say. But then again, Shintaro had never been the best when it came to social pursuits, and it was already too late to take it back.

“Look, sorry! But you’re a... a boy! It has to be a mistake! We probably just missed our soulmates when we bumped into each other!” Shintaro spoke quietly, forcefully. He attempted to sound as sure as he felt, though he was self aware enough to realise that it probably just sounded like bullshit. “And what’s wrong with my headphones? It’s not like you’re any better... You have to have heels on your boots to make yourself seem taller.”

Kano abruptly stood up, crossing his arms. Maybe that struck a nerve.

“You know what? I think you’re right! We aren’t each other’s soulmates! After all, I was thinking that maybe my soulmate wouldn’t look like such a loser!” He grinned, the eerie smile set firmly in place. “Oh, maybe I should go dress up as a girl, seeing as I’m not good enough for you? Would you like that?”

Shintaro promptly followed suit, standing up perhaps too quickly, knocking over his drink in the process. He hadn’t exactly noticed until it splashed all over the front of his jeans, the hot liquid nearly burning him.

“Shit-!” He fumbled for napkins across the table, wiping it up as best he could with the cheap cloth. It didn’t exactly work, but it was better than nothing. Kano merely snickered as he attempted to clean up the mess.

“Ah, you might want to pat your jeans with those, too. It looks like you peed your pants! I guess I’m not the  _kid_ in this relationship anymore, huh?” He smiled, expertly stepping out of the booth and around the growing puddle of hot chocolate on the floor.

Swearing under his breath, Shintaro dabbed the napkins at his jeans, grabbing handfuls of the paper and attempting to blot up as much as he could. He glanced up at the other in frustration.

“Are you just going to stand there and be an asshole, or are you going to help me clean this up?”

“You want me to help you clean your crotch? Oh, but I thought only your girl soulmate was allowed to do that!” Kano replied without missing a beat. Almost immediately, his face flushed red in an uncomfortable mix of anger and embarrassment.

“Just... Just shut up, already...! You’re acting like an asshole!” Shintaro managed to get out, after the wave of initial embarrassment passed him. He stepped out of the booth, still rather sticky. “I’m just telling you the truth! You  _can’t_ be my soulmate! I’m supposed to be with a girl! I’m supposed to be  _normal!”_

“Yeah, and I’m supposed to win the lottery, but I guess we all don’t get what we want, huh?” Kano responded immediately, his voice picking up a dangerous undertone.

Shintaro groaned loudly before grabbing at the boy’s arm, more out of instinct and frustration than anything else, only to have Kano immediately snatch it away and take several steps back.

“Don’t touch me.”

Maybe it was his imagination, but he could almost say with certainty that he was at least a little bit frightened. Shintaro crossed his arms and glared at him.

“I’m not going to hurt you, you don’t need to act like such a baby.”

“Shut up!” Kano growled, now tapping his foot angrily against the wooden floor. “I give up! You’re right, you know? We aren’t soulmates at all! Any soulmate of mine wouldn’t be such a jerk!”

By now, the silent majority of the shop had turned to watch the seem unfold, and as Shintaro began to pick up on the social cues, he noticed an array of expressions among the customers, but with an undeniable, pitiful expression spread from person to person. It made him absolutely sick to his stomach.

“Fine. You know what? Fine. We’ll go to the clinic right now. It’ll prove that we aren’t each other’s soulmates once and for all, so we never have to see each other again,” Shintaro said coldly, though he could feel his face heating up at all of the attention. “You’re not my soulmate. You’re just a smartass.”

Kano’s grin returned to his face as he flipped up his hood and crossed his arms.

“Fine with me! Let’s go see what unlucky girl has to have  _you_ for the rest of her life!”

“Fine!”

“Fine!”

By the time he reached the door of the shop, he was positively sure that he had never been more certain about anything in his life.

_‘My soulmate is a fucking asshole.’_


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you SO much for all the support !!! comments like all of yours is what keeps me going tbh. ill proofread tomorrow i just want to get this posted real quick!! i love you guys so much. if you feel like it, leave a comment!! some body image things in this chapter, as well as implications of homophobia

In the process of actually signing into the clinic, Shintaro had (unfortunately, not of his own accord…) learned several things about Kano. Or as he had cleverly mentally renamed him, That Rude Short Kid.

Firstly, that he wasn’t very loud, contrary to what his personality practically screamed. Kano sort of reminded him of an obnoxious middle school boy, yet as soon as they actually managed to get to the office, his voice must have dropped by at least one hundred decibels. It took several tries for the woman behind the counter to pry his full name, blood type, etcetera out of him before they could even sit down.

And that was only the beginning. After what seemed to be an eternity of snot nosed children coughing on him in the waiting room, a woman dressed smartly in a white coat emerged from the double doors, her hair pulled so far back in a bun that it seemed as if it was giving her an au-natural face lift.

“Kisaragi?”

Shintaro jolted up from the chair, almost slapping the three year old to the right of him in the process. Behind him, he faintly heard Kano snickering. Again. It took nearly all of his restraint to not go over to him and smack him upside the head. The breastfeeding mother that had been sitting next to the left of him, with her clock at a steady zero, scooted away from the pair. Perhaps the nurse noticed the tense air between them, because with thinly spread lips, she lodged herself between them both whilst leading them down a rather blankly white hallway into a small room painted light blue. Posters promoting safe sex littered the walls. It honestly was embarrassing to even just be in a room with those… detailed diagrams. He didn’t need to see that. If he wanted to see those body parts in high definition, he could just head right over to the private bathroom and ogle to his heart’s content.

“So,” The nurse began, tapping her kitten heeled shoes against the floor. “What seems to be the problem, then?”

Kano piped up before Shintaro could stop him, much to his horror.

“We seemed to have missed our soulmates on the street!” He began, plopping himself down on a nearby chair and crossing his legs all too casually. “After all, how could my soulmate be someone like this? Neither of us get along, you see?”

Shintaro grunted under his breath as the boy turned to spare a long, cold glance at him.

“Isn’t that right, Shintaro?”

Despite the fact that the Cheshire Cat grin on Kano’s face was pissing him off, he couldn’t really disagree- That was the gist of it, unfortunately. He gritted his teeth, forcing a weak grin to the poor, poor nurse. She shifted her weight uncomfortably from her left foot to her right.

“Yeah. Right.”

The air in the room began to grow stale until yet again, Kano broke it as Shintaro moved to sit on one of the flimsy plastic chairs.

“So, ma’am… We’d just like you to confirm our suspicions. Then we’ll be out of your way!” Kano turned to face him, his gaze going cold once more. Shintaro shifted in his seat. “And he’ll be out of mine.”

Before he could come up with a clever, unique retort, the nurse cleared her throat and rapped her pen against her chars, scribbling a few digits down and pursing her lips as she ran her eyes along them both, examining them thoroughly. Or so Shintaro presumed. For all he knew, she could just be thinking about what to have for dinner that night.

“Allow me to get this straight,” She began, her tone nearly oozing with the type of tiredness you could only find in a medical clinic. “You both ran into each other when your timers went off, and yet…” Her eyes drifted down to their charts once more, before the corner of her eye twitched and her fingered pinched the bridge of her nose. “You somehow believe that you aren’t each other’s soulmates?”

It did sound a little dumb when she said it out loud, actually.

“Yes, that’s right,” Shintaro murmured. “Can you just help us…? I don’t want to be with this  _boy_ any longer than I have to.”

 _“I don’t want to be with this_ boy _any longer than I have to.”_ Kano parroted under his breath, rolling his eyes to nearly the back of his head. What a little asshole! That jerk didn’t know what he had coming- Sticking his tongue out, Shintaro smacked one of the legs of the other’s chair with his right foot, eliciting an annoyed whine from Kano.

“Enough.”

The nurse sighed, shuffling over to the cabinet and grabbing one of the many boxes filled to the brim with sterilizing wipes and finger pricks. “Just let me get a finger prick from you both, and we’ll have this sorted out within the next half hour.”

Kano’s face contorted into a rather disgusted, somewhat terrified expression.

“What? A finger prick?”

“Yes,” The nurse said, rubbing sterilizing wipes over a needle. “Just a prick. It shouldn’t take more than a second.”

“I’ll pass.” Kano sniffed as he reclined back into the chair, much to Shintaro’s shock and dismay.

Shintaro balked, sitting up in contrast to the other’s lazy actions.

“You can’t just  _pass!”_

“I’m not letting that needle get anywhere near my finger!”Kano choked out, going a just barely noticeable shade of pink, before all of the colour drained from his face. “Tell me, nursey! Are there any other options?”

Shintaro snorted, prompting a glare from the other.

“What, are you afraid of needles or something?” He grunted, a bit amused despite himself because  _hah,_ the kid was finally showing his true colours. Like a caterpillar emerging from an ugly, obnoxious cocoon.  “You have to do it. There’s no other way.”

Kano shook his head, glancing between both him and the nurse almost frantically, like a scared kitten. Or rather, not exactly a kitten. More like a chicken on its way to the slaughterhouse. It would be almost endearing if it was on anyone else. But it wasn’t, and that was that.

“I’m a hemophiliac.”

“Bullshit.”

“It’s not! If you try poking me with that, I’ll bleed everywhere! Seriously! And who would want to mess up such a nice, tidy office?”

The nurse cleared her throat rather loudly, before shoving her foot in between the both of their chairs and separating them by several feet, eliciting a surprised yelp from the both of them. Shintaro couldn’t help but be a little bit peeved by this, despite the fact that she was only trying to keep the office from turning into a battlefield. But if anything  _were_ to happen in here, there would be no doubt that it would be Kano’s fault. He glanced over at him. Even now, the dumb grin on his face didn’t seem to be fading at all.

“You don’t have to be so pushy, Ms. Nurse! I’m a pacifist!” Kano laughed, though even from their distance, Shintaro could see his apprehensive stance. “Ah, but… Can you do the test any other way? If it’s only DNA you need, then there has to be some other way… You know. Like another bodily fluid.”

Shintaro wrinkled his nose, impure thoughts immediately shoving their way right to the front of his brain.

“Gross, Kano…”

The boy’s jaw dropped as he feigned a look of disgust.

“Oh? I was talking about saliva! What were  _you_ thinking about?” Kano chirped, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket. Which was strange, now that Shintaro was thinking about it. Kano, of course, had the black and white jacket over his shirt, but even underneath it, the shirt had long sleeves. Which hadn’t been in style for  _years_. The longer he looked at it, the funnier it seemed. And maybe it was just his willpower that was lacking, or maybe it was that Kano’s lacking fashion sense was  _really_ that funny, but Shintaro forced himself to choke back a laugh. It did not at all escape from Kano’s perception.

“You’re laughing?” Kano tipped his head to the side, his grin finally fading. “How immature! To think you’d be laughing about something as normal as semen… That’s a little juvenile.”

Shintaro immediately stopped laughing.

“Who said anything about  _semen_?!”

That poor, poor nurse, who seemed to have been only paying the slightest bit of attention to their banter up until this point, cleared her throat once more-  _loudly-_  and shoved the box of supplies back into the cabinet and slammed the door closed.

“We can do a saliva swab, but you’ll have to provide other details. It’s just to speed up the process. And aside from that, it’s company policy. You’d have to provide it either way.”

“Then that’s what we’ll do! It’s settled!” Kano said, visibly relaxing. His shoulders slumped in what Shintaro could only assume was relief. Directing pointed glare at him, Shintaro could very nearly imagine pointing daggers into that stupid face of his.

“If you’d just let them have a finger prick, it’d be over sooner.”

Kano grinned again.

“I already told you, I’m a hemophiliac!” He seemed to lean even further back in his chair, if only to stick out his boot and kick one of the legs of Shintaro’s seat, prompting another glare from Shintaro himself. “And this isn’t that much more work,” Kano turned to flash a smile at the nurse once more. “Right, Super Nurse?”

Her lips twitched upwards in what seemed to be a hint of a smile, much to Shintaro’s chagrin. Still, he said nothing of it, as the woman merely stepped into the hallway for a brief moment and guided in one of the many bouquets of balloons that had been lining the hallways. She set it down gently in the center of the room before smoothing out her skirt.

“They say that balloons have a soothing aura,” She hummed, as if that was enough of an explanation. The smiley yellow bobbing face seemed to be mocking him, and Shintaro expressed his irritation the only way he knew how- by sticking his tongue out at the offending object. This only prompted a few snickers from Kano, but before he could comment, the nurse spoke up again, handing them each cotton swabs. “Swipe the inside of your cheek with this. Make sure you get it good and moist.”

Shintaro cringed at her choice of words. Moist wasn’t the best word to use… well, ever. Still, he of course did as he was told, handing the swab back to her after a good thirty seconds or so. Kano didn’t take much longer, and just a moment later, handed back his to the nurse as well. She dropped them both into an empty zip bag, one with messy writing scrawled over the front label.

“That should do it. The doctor will be in in a few moments to collect your data. Again, it’s just height and weight. Saliva processing takes a bit longer than blood sampling, so we speed it up anyway we can,” The nurse looked over her clipboard once more before leaning out of the room, only to tip her head back in a moment later. “This sort of thing happens all the time. Try not to kill each other in the absence of the staff.”

And just like that, Shintaro was left alone with potentially the most obnoxious suitor in history. At this point, his only saving grace that at least he wasn’t  _his_ suitor.

That apparently didn’t stop Kano from being annoying, because although the boy picked up his chair and plopped himself down on the opposite side of the room, he very quickly ran out of things to entertain himself with, apparently, and moved to tangle his fingers in the mass of rubber bands near the sink. It took all of Shintaro’s willpower to ignore him. Instead, he pulled out his phone.

Which was a mistake.

_[GRP MSG: 10/19 12:04:11 PM]_

_AYANO: shintaro!!!!!! shintaro!!!! SHITNARO_

_AYANO: whooopss hehe sorry i meant shintaro!!!!!*_

_TAKANE: LMAO_

_TAKANE: Anyway_

_TAKANE: Where is that little nerd_

_HARUKA: Shintaro!_

Shintaro grit his teeth as Kano snapped a rubber band from across the room, flicking it against the cabinet with a rather loud snap. The sound grated on his ears, and to top it off, the kid was  _humming._ Humming!

“Can you just be quiet, for like… ten minutes, maybe?” Shintaro sighed, crossing his legs and shifting away from the spot on the wall that currently seemed to be Kano’s favourite target. “Do you think you can do that?”

Rather lazily, the other boy’s face twisted into something of an evil grin.

“But I’m bored!”

“I don’t care! Go on your phone!”

Kano stared at him blankly.

“I didn’t bring my phone,” He admitted, laughing under his breath. “See, I had this feeling that I wouldn’t need to be on it if I met my soulmate…”

Adjusting the headphones he had had slouched around his neck up until that point over his ears, he lazily shrugged at Kano before turning his attention back to the screen of his phone.

“That’s a stupid idea. What if your soulmate was a serial killer? Or someone really boring?” Shintaro shook his head, his fingers hovering over the play button. “Then you’d be out of luck, wouldn’t you?”

“Well, I got stuck with you for at least another hour,” Kano remarked dryly. “So maybe I should have brought my phone.”

“Maybe you should have.”

That was all that he felt the need to say- Why waste his breath on a stranger? An  _annoying_ stranger, at that. From what he could tell, Kano seemed to be keen to make jabs at him at every chance he could. Furrowing his brows, he stared down at his screen.

_ME: I’m in at the clinic._

_ME: My “soulmate” for now is this little blond kid._

_TAKANE: Name_

_AYANO: WHO IS HE!?_

_HARUKA: Spill the beans!_

_AYANO: hehe beans ouo_

_HARUKA: Beans. :3_

Shintaro looked up at Kano for a brief moment before hesitantly replying.

_ME: I can’t remember his name._

_ME: Is it really important? He’s not my soulmate for real. He’s just a kid._

A lie, of course. But that shouldn’t matter. Truth be told, he really didn’t want his best friends to learn any more about this “soulmate” than they had to. He snuck another glance at Kano, but as soon as the other lifted his head to meet his gaze, he ducked away, his eyes darting back down to his messages.

_ME: I was pretty rude to him when we first met, though._

Maybe just another peak, that was it. Then he’d stop looking at the kid for sure.

Shintaro lazily glanced up at Kano once more, noting how his wheat coloured hair obstructed his right eye partially from view. His skin bounced the light right off it, like some sort of glossy pearl. In a way, it was almost creepy. He was perfect, just  _too_ perfect. There wasn’t a flaw about him.

“Why are you staring at me?”

Ah. Except for the personality.

Nonetheless, the question did seem to phase him back into reality, which only prompted a set of messy, half-hearted apologies- though, he really wasn’t sure why he was apologising to begin with. Looking at people wasn’t a crime. Shintaro turned his attention back to the screen, ignoring another set of snickers from Kano.

_TAKANE: What else is new_

_AYANO: i guess thats pretty typical of you owo””_

_HARUKA: Don’t give up just yet! Fight and win him over!_

_ME: I’m not trying to win him over! I’m just trying to get through this clinic visit so I can find my real soulmate._

_TAKANE: You sound pretty confident_

_TAKANE: But whatre you gonna do if hes your real soulmate_

_TAKANE: You said you were kind of an asshole to him lmao_

_ME: Let’s not talk about that._

_HARUKA: What did you say to him?_

Shintaro’s fingers hovered over the keypad, typing out semi coherent explanations before deleting all of them. None of the characters that he could type out could really explain it well enough, he thought.

He tapped his foot against the leg of his chair in concentration, trying to ignore Kano’s humming from across the room, which had resumed. Unfortunately.

In reality, there was a small part of him that was mentally smacking himself upside the head for his earlier actions. Now that there had been time for the dust to settle, he could feel the earlier shock and fear bubble into a rather sickening mixture of disgust and guilt, like a nervous cocktail.

Shintaro could see Kano messing around with the rubber bands with his long, deft fingers out of his peripheral vision. The kid seemed to be content with the silence, which was a plus. Talking wasn’t his favourite thing to do, after all. It never had been. Especially not after elementary school.

His eyes drifted down to the unblinking timer on his wrist, which now held a steady zero. Zero days, zero minutes, zero seconds. Using the same hand, he quickly tapped out a response to the group.

_ME: Nothing._

Shintaro moved to sit up straighter, shoving his phone into his back pocket and stretching out his legs, which seemed to catch Kano’s attention from across the room. The boy’s mouth quirked up from a rather neutral expression to one of interest.

“Oh? What’s this? Are you getting up to tell me how much you’d rather have a girl alone with you instead?” Kano grinned, snapping a band between his fingers. In one quick motion, before Shintaro could even react to the comment or register what was going on, Kano aimed the rubber between his two fingers and snapped it directly at one of the balloons anchored to the ground by shiny, heavy hearts.

The poor little balloon, before it even had the chance to experience life to the fullest, popped. _Loudly._

Shintaro yelped, jumping up and away from the noise, almost stumbling over his own feet on his way up.

“W-What the  _hell,_ you asshole…!” He hissed, only barely managing to keep his volume down as he glared at Kano with the most force he could muster. “That  _hurt!”_

Kano tilted his head in innocent curiosity.

“Hm? Do you have ear problems?” He asked. “Or are you just very sensitive to the plight of balloons?”

Shintaro grabbed the chair and huffed, tugging it  _far_ away from the bouquet of balloons. (Which was now one less; rest in pieces.)

“No,” He began, crossing his arms and sitting down again. “But it’s still loud. Just because you can handle the noise doesn’t mean other people can.”

Across the room, Kano pulled one of his calves to rest on his thigh before looking away, his pupils glancing over to some far off corner.

“I don’t like the noise. It hurts my ears.”

Shintaro quirked up an eyebrow.

“So? Why did you do it, then?”

Kano merely shrugged, as if he couldn’t be bothered to give Shintaro a detailed, definitive answer.

Shintaro looked him over once before averting his gaze.

There was another moment of silence before he spoke up again.

“I wish you had been a girl,” It came out of his mouth before he had realised just what he had said. And yet, he couldn’t stop. “I really, really wish you had been a girl.”

Kano met his glance, and those cold amber eyes were the least of his concerns when paired with a wide grin. It nearly gave him chills.

“You’ve already said that. And we aren’t soulmates.”

“But,” Shintaro continued despite the other. “Isn’t it the same for you?”

This question seemed to catch him off guard, which honestly made Shintaro feel a little proud. This entire time, Kano had been smooth, almost rehearsed. And yet, at the question presented, the blond opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again, and finally frowned and furrowed his brows, leaning back into his chair.

“I guess,” He admitted quietly. “It would be easier. To be with a girl.”

“Right,” Shintaro said proudly, exaggerating his hand gestures. “See? I’m not an asshole. I’m right. It’s hard to be in a relationship like that. People give you strange looks if you’re on the street with a boy, holding hands. People…” He looked down at his feet, his voice lowering into a quiet, barely audible tone. “Normal people  _hate_ people like us. They just want to pretend like we don’t exist.”

His voice quite nearly caught in his throat as he spoke, and as he finished, found his heart beating faster than normal, his eyes locked on his timer. Gently, Shintaro ran his fingers over the zeroes, grazing just over his pulse point. He didn’t dare to look up, his cheeks quickly reddening from his outburst. Under his breath, he murmured several hurried apologies, to which he was unsure if Kano even heard.

Not that he cared.

Or maybe he did. Shintaro wasn’t sure anymore.

Kano spoke up after a long, pregnant pause.

“You’re right.”

Shintaro looked up, only to meet eyes with a grinning Kano once more.

“But you’re still an asshole.”

They locked eyes, staring at each other for what  _had_ to have been for at least a minute before Shintaro snorted and looked away, the corners of his lips quirking upwards into a something of small smile. Or maybe not. His heart felt just a touch lighter, that was for sure.

“I’ll take it, I guess.”

The set in place grin on the other’s face seemed to falter for just a moment, and just as Kano opened his mouth to speak up, the door swung open and a smartly dressed man emerged from the sterile hallway, latex gloves spread over his hands. Round spectacles framing his face just barely concealed the crows feet around his eyes, and Shintaro would have to wager that the man’s eyesight was either going off or he was  _incredibly_ lazy, because a rough patch of gray stubble was still visible against his neatly shaven jawline.

Kano shifted in his chair and sat up straight, lining his back up against the metal, and the movement reminded Shintaro to do the same.

The man gave them both a warm smile. Whether it was genuine or from years of practice, Shintaro had yet to tell though his money was on the latter.

“I hear you’re in a bit of a pickle.”

Eyebrows raised, Kano leaned forward in his chair.

“I guess you could say that. We both seemed to have missed our soulmates on the street,” He piped up cheerfully, his tone completely different to what would be considered ‘normal’ for the situation. “And now we’re in here! Funny how the world works, isn’t that right, Shintaro?”

And just like that, both of these strangers were staring at Shintaro, their eyes piercing through his paper thin body like daggers. Shifting uncomfortably, Shintaro nodded once, definitive and solid.

“This won’t take long, then,” The man said, reaching around behind the cabinet and pulling a scale out from behind the small cubby. From what Shintaro could see, it appeared to be somewhat old. Perhaps it was due to the lack of modern technology at this particular clinic, or maybe it was just because doctors enjoyed making everything much more difficult than it really had to be. “One of you stand on the scale, the other stands against the numbers on the wall. Then switch. We’ll have you right with your soulmates before you know it.”

Standing up, Kano stretched out his calves, nearly bending his entire body in half as he leaned down, touching his toes.

Shintaro caught himself staring at the spectacle just in time to look away and clear his throat. Bringing himself to his feet, he shuffled over to the marked section against the wall. They were drawn in permanent marker, of all things, with messy scribbles in the vague shape of numbers.

“I’ll take this one first, then. Get weighed.” He explained dismissively, deliberately avoiding eye contact with Kano.

Kano snickered again. A sound he was unfortunately being accustomed to after spending a mere three or so hours with him. Or maybe it had been longer? Time stretched when you were with someone you disliked. And when you were with someone who had annoying habits, and a stupid laugh, and a strange, smooth personality that made him slightly uncomfortable.

“Is that a challenge?”

Shintaro grunted.

“I don’t care. Why would that be a challenge? Just weigh yourself already.”

“Yessir.” Kano drawled, taking long, slow strides over to the scale.

The doctor, who had been patiently waiting for them to finish making passive aggressive comments at each other, shot a sympathetic look at the nurse as she passed by the room. Her lips stretched out in a thin line as she kept walking.

“You two are certainly making everyone work for their paycheck today.” The man commented.

In sync, both of them grunted before balking at their equal motions and pointedly turning away from the other.

With a heavy sigh, the doctor maneuvered a set of weights along the thin metal bar of the scale. Shintaro could see his brows furrowing from across the room. Kano didn’t look underweight, but then again, his long sleeved shirt was a bit baggy. And with the combination of the black parka on top, maybe that was the intention. To mask his true figure. Though, he would later decide that Kano’s clothing choices weren’t as bad as he first thought they were.

Watching the scene caused Shintaro’s stomach to twist a bit. Glancing away, he put his own hand to his stomach, tapping it as if it was a fish in a fish tank. This stranger’s weight wasn’t any of his business. And even if it was, Shintaro had never exactly been a big eater. He wasn’t fond of sweet things. Often times his stomach would protest if he ate too much. Judging Kano for his habits would be incredibly hypocritical. Not that he hadn’t already done enough of that today.

Tilting his head up, he stared dully at the own markings of his measurements. Not too bad. Tall enough. That was okay.

The doctor peered over and scribbled some things on his chart before motioning for them both to switch places.

“Ah, but…” The man interrupted, just as they had both begun to head across the room. “I’ll need to to take your heels off, sir.”

Kano immediately flushed, which prompted a loud snort from Shintaro.

“They’re boots,” He murmured, unzipping them from the side and looking off. “Not heels.”

“But they have a heel,” Shintaro argued, somewhat triumphant that Kano had been knocked down a peg. “So they’re heels.”

“They aren’t heels!” Kano insisted, the light blush now fading from his cheeks and off into oblivion. His tone sharp, he clicked his tongue. “It’s a  _fashion_ statement.”

“Pretty shitty fashion statement if you ask me.”

“Good thing I didn’t ask you then, hm?”

The doctor cleared his throat, which caused a bit of hushed jabs exchanged between them both before moving over to slide the weights around on the scale.

Despite Shintaro’s lack of an actual, hands on science class since middle school, he recognized the system, and prayed in the back of his mind that some heavenly being would slide the weight over just a  _little_ bit more.

“Hm,” The doctor mused quietly, just enough so that Shintaro could hear him if he listened with his full attention. “A bit thin.”

Damn.

Though he really tried to ignore what was going on across the room, some part of him wanted to burst out laughing at how Kano just  _barely_ made it to the 5′5″ mark, and even then, he could see how his toes were stretched a centimeter or two off of the ground. Maybe Kano noticed him staring, or maybe he was just a little brat, because he caught Shintaro’s gaze and almost immediately stuck his tongue out of him.

“Brat.”

“Asshole.”

The doctor looked them both over once, twice, thrice, before scribbling some notes down and leaving the room, announcing that he’d be back just after he obtained the results from the saliva swab.

The atmosphere in the room tensed up again almost immediately, but Kano was quick to break the silence.

“You piss me off,” He said, plopping back down in the metal chair. “I get why you’d be scared of having a boy partner. But announcing it to me? Don’t you think that’s just the  _slightest_ bit cruel? What if I actually was your soulmate?” Kano grinned.

Shintaro shoved his tongue against the inside of his cheek in contemplation, furrowing his brows.

“You’re not. I shouldn’t have told you any of that in the first place,” He responded coolly, keeping his emotions as in check as he could. “I don’t expect you to understand where I come from, anyway. You’re a stranger.”

And a stranger could never understand the full extent of someone. Even when that stranger became an acquaintance, became a friend, became a lover, ecetera, one person could never truly understand another.

“A bit closed minded of you,” Kano remarked. “But I don’t really care. We won’t have to see each other again after this. So you can say anything you want, but it won’t matter! You don’t know a thing about me.”

“Of course I don’t. You’re a stranger.”

“And you’re just a stranger to me,” He said, his voice sharp and crisp. Annoyed. “So go off and make out with your girlfriend or something.”

“My soulmate,” Shintaro corrected.

“Soulmate,” Kano shrugged, flipping his hood up with one of his hands. “I don’t care.”

It must have been fate, because at that moment, the doctor came into the room, handing them both manilla folders, and leaving just as quickly as he arrived.

Maybe he was afraid of the aftermath.

As soon as Shintaro opened his folder, a red, bold word stuck out like a sore thumb.

_Positive._

Frantically, he flipped over the folder, patting the paper like it held some sort of secret that it didn’t want him to know. The location of his true soulmate, perhaps.

But there was nothing, nothing at all. A sheet of paper with their heights and weights. Names. Dates of birth. And a bright, bold, sickeningly red positive.

He looked up.

Kano, was an annoying blond  _boy_ with a sharp tongue and heeled boots. Pretty eyes and a dangerous smirk. With long sleeves even on a relatively warm Fall day and heeled boots that probably boosted his self esteem much more than his height.

Kano, who was now, according to this paper, his soulmate.

Their gazes met together, transfixed, yet neither of them spoke until a reaction unconsciously slipped out of Shintaro’s mouth.

_“Fuck.”_


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> soulmate fafsa time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im late im late for a very important date. thank you for all the feedback! it means the world. love you guys

Outside was calmer compared to being within the caving walls of the clinic, though not by much.

Shintaro spared a glance at his... soulmate. The word echoed bitterly throughout his skull, pinballing off of every unpleasant sensor he had. Kano seemed no less distraught than he was, if only based off of the way that he had his fingers curled around the bottom of his jacket. Maybe he was jumping to conclusions, though. The boy seemed fairly composed, judging by his relaxed facial expression. If he didn’t know the weight of the situation, Shintaro would assume that Kano’s gaze was due to staring at some sort of serene painting. He was keeping it together very well.

Scarily so.

“Doesn’t this bother you at all?” Shintaro murmured, turning off to face somewhere far, far in the distance. “We’re... We’re soulmates.”

It seemed that the word was no less bitter when being spoken. He forced himself to not grimace at hearing it aloud, difficult as it was. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the boy shrug, before spinning his entire body around and into Shintaro’s field of view.

“Does it matter? We don’t have a choice here, do we!” Kano grinned. Something he’d have to get used to, Shintaro supposed. Even if every single show of teeth from the other made him cringe. “It doesn’t matter how I feel. This is the way it is, right?”

Shintaro shrugged, biting the inside of his cheek.

“Maybe.”

Kano furrowed his brows and kicked at the ground.

“It’s not just a maybe. This is how it is,” He said solemnly. “And we have the papers to prove it.”

With a quick spin on the edge of his heel, Kano spun around, his black jacket swishing within the October wind. His eyes glinted in the early afternoon sunlight.

“All that matters is what we choose to do about it, right? Now then, I’m thinking that we should go ahead and fill out all of those forms. Get it over with now,” He said, and Shintaro could see his hands balled up tightly in the pockets of his jacket. “Before either of us decide to run off and never see each other again.”

The idea did sound enticing, he had to admit. Kano had proven himself to be a rather annoying person. Childish and idealistic, with a paper thin grasp on reality and the world around him. From all of his previous experiences, both with his classmates and several unnamed people online, Shintaro noted a certain sickness in his stomach bubbling up when his proximity was too close to the uninformed, the naive. 

It was only later that he was able to put a name to the feeling: Hate.

“I don’t care,” Shintaro said quietly. “Let’s just hurry this up.”

Kano laughed once.

“You sound so upset! Like, ‘ _Ah, man... I have to live with this blond kid... My life is hell...’_ or something like that!” He chuckled, changing his voice to a poor imitation of Shintaro’s own low tone respectively. 

Shintaro grimaced at the boy’s tone. There were far too many things to pick out that specifically annoyed him about Kano’s little imitation, but two stuck out most prominently in his mind.

Firstly, it was irritating how spot on Kano’s little impression was.

Secondly, living together? Hell no. Tono was tough to handle, yet he still cared for her because he loved the furry little thing. Taking care of a soulmate, much less one he didn’t even  _like_ would be impossible. Attempting to ignore his heart thudding in his chest, Shintaro raised a brow.

“We don’t have to live together,” His face wrinkled in disgust. “That’s not a requirement, right? Even soulmates who like each other don’t move in right away...”

“What planet have you been living on? We get paid if we live together! New soulmate tax breaks!” Kano responded and, apparently tired of standing, leaned against the nearby wall. “And you might be Momo’s brother, but I’m sure your mom could use a little help.”

“Momo? How do you know about Momo?” Shintaro narrowed his eyes and moved up to lean against the wall next to Kano, consciously keeping a safe distance so as to not give off the vibe that he wanted to be near him. “And how do you know about my mom? I never said anything about her.”

Kano clicked his tongue, his gaze narrowing a bit.

“Geez! Don’t you know anything about your sister? She does interviews! Plus, you both have the same jawline,” Shintaro opened his mouth to spit out a retort, but pressed his lips together when Kano looked off and began speaking again. “And also, my sister is pretty much her biggest fan.”

“Is your sister 5?”

“She’s 18!”

“That’s a little old to be a fan of Momo’s, don’t you think? Maybe you should tell her to lay off.” Shintaro said coolly, which only got him an uneven smile in response. He waited for the other to say something, but the longer he stared at that face of his, the less real his smile began to seem. Uncomfortably, he turned away and cleared his throat.

Off the top of his head, Shintaro was fairly sure that the forms for soulmate registration could be filled out online. He hadn’t seen them before, but they were just forms. As tedious and long as forms could be, they were just that- forms.

Thankfully, he had enough time to fill them out without wasting too much of his time. It wasn’t like his resume was particularly long, after all.

Not thankfully, he’d need Kano there in order to fill them out properly.

Least thankfully, his mom  _did_ need a bit more help with the bills. And that meant that Kano was correct. Reluctantly, he had to admit it.

“Do we actually need to fill out the forms, though...?” Shintaro wondered aloud, ignoring Kano’s gaze drifting over to him. Tilting his head up, he idly counted the number of clouds in the sky, the birds gliding around as he spoke. “I know we have to... but I’ve had enough excitement for one day. I don’t want to do this anymore. I just want to go home and forget about soulmates for the rest of my life.” He could feel in deep within his core. His bed was calling him at home, beckoning him to come back and descend into an eternal sleep. Kano shifted out of the corner of his eye.

“I need some time to think, anyway. Just give me your phone and I’ll put my number in it,” Kano said, stepping in front of him. “Maybe we can do the forms tomorrow? It’s not like we can do them separately, right? We  _have_ to be together,” Pause. The other’s brows wrinkled in concentration. “To fill out the forms. Though, I guess we do have to be together in general now, isn’t that right?”

“I guess,” Shintaro murmured, and when he reached down to grab his phone from his pocket, noticed the boy glancing down towards his waist and watching him.  _Watching_ him. His stomach protested in response until he handed Kano the phone and came to realise that the other was just looking at the phone- not staring at anything  _else_. Relief flooded his senses. “Pass code’s 8666.”

“8666...” Kano frowned, tapping the code in quickly, his eyes flitting across the screen. “A bit repetitive, don’t you think?”

“I don’t care. I never go out, so I don’t need a complicated pass code.”

It was just then that Shintaro realised that his phone was probably blowing up with messages in his absence, which if Kano noticed, didn’t comment on. (Thankfully.) Only a moment later, the boy handed him back his phone, using the corner of his sleeve to wipe off any fingerprints that may have been left behind on the screen.

“I saved myself under the name ‘Should Have Been a Girl’.” Kano commented dryly.

Rolling his eyes, Shintaro shoved his phone back into his back pocket and took a step back from the other. He could hear his computer beckoning for him at home, begging him to come back and relax. Maybe it was unconscious, but his first instinct was to listen to the sounds.

“I’ll call you tomorrow or something,” He said, furrowing his brows. “You can come over to my place so we can fill these out. I guess.”

Kano chuckled in response, a motion which was really beginning to grate on Shintaro’s ears and nerves. He appeared to open his mouth, but before Shintaro could be bothered to listen to anything he had to say, he was already off. His headphones cupped over his ears, though not plugged into anything, functioned much like earplugs to the outside world.

Oblivious to everything around him, his phone buzzed in his pocket, but he couldn’t feel a single thing.

* * *

 

As the night passed and turned into day, which turned into night again, which turned into  _another_ day, Shintaro realised that he hadn’t called Kano. Of course not. Why would he want to call Kano when he could just sit home and pretend like the entire debacle had never happened? They would surely be much better off, and yet, his fingers still itched for the keypad after realising his error in timing. The government required registries of soulmates. This wasn’t optional.

Quickly, he found out that Kano typed like a 15 year old girl who had been watching a  _lot_ of anime.

His emoticons were cute, sparkly little things, and often tacked onto the end of nearly every sentence. They often came with a matching set of cat ears that only made the entire phrase seem both sickeningly adorable, and incredibly creepy. Momo typed almost exactly the same way. Nonetheless, he managed to convey a general time for Kano to show up at his house, and even included some very vague directions including such phrases as, ‘Turn right at the tree’, and ‘Walk down the road’. It took some clarification before Kano seemed to get irritated and announced that he’d just look it up on Google Maps.

Slowly, Shintaro forced himself to kick the empty soda cans under his bed, the ones which he had been far too lazy to clear out up until that point. The loud sound of the aluminium crunching barely phased him anymore; he had already heard it so many times on the daily.

As for his clothes, he was incredibly tempted to not even put on pants.

... Rather, he was tempted to not exert the  _effort_ needed to put on pants, rather than anything else associated with not wanting to put on pants.

In the end, however, Shintaro did throw on some jeans and a black jersey, though he refused to change out of his bedroom slippers. His hair remained unchanged, still as messy and disheveled as it usually was. There was no sense in trying to impress Kano- he didn’t need to be impressed.

A small part of him did hold doubts about his outfit when the doorbell rang, however.

Sucking up his pride, Shintaro bit the inside of his cheek and twisted the cold metal knob, the thick wood revealing something far worse than a bad birthday present behind it.

“Shintaro Kisaragi,” Kano nodded curtly, his lips turned up in an unsettling smirk. “Good to see you! How have things been?”

The boy didn’t wait for an answer before continuing on as if Shintaro had given him a quick briefing of his day so far.

“Great, then! Let’s get this started. I want to go home,” He said, kicking off his shoes as he stepped into the foyer. “So let’s just get this over with.”

“Fine, I guess. Hi to you, too.” Shintaro snorted, turning away and shoving his hands in the shallow pockets of his polymer jacket. The fabric was scratchy against his knuckles.

Again, Kano had quite drastically beat him in the fashion department, despite its definite strange factor. His outfit toted varying shades of black and grey aside from his tight, dark blue jeans. (Tight, so tight. Shintaro had to be strong. Attractiveness didn’t make up for a terrible personality. He looked away.) The long sleeves were still firmly in place, though it was still not quite cool enough to comfortably wear them.

Just looking at Kano made Shintaro uncomfortable. Maybe it was his eyes. They always seemed to hold some sort of secret in their honey coated irises. Perhaps it was that they were simply too entrancing in comparison to everything else about the boy. What the secret was, Shintaro had yet to find out, and honestly, he wasn’t curious enough to take steps to decode him. Kano was Kano.

“Where’s your room?” Kano asked, peering around a corner and into his kitchen. “Oh! There it is!”

Furrowing his eyebrows, Shintaro turned around to see what Kano was ponting at, and was not surprised in the least to see the blond gesturing to a trash can. Snorting, he turned away, beginning to shuffle up the stairs.

“Alright, then you climb in there,” He murmured, more to himself than anything. “Just do it. Climb in the trash can, Kano.”

“My, you’re so rude!”

Shintaro ignored him and continued climbing up the stairs, though as soon as he reached the top, an eerie creaking emerged from beneath his feet.

Shit.

He held in breath in prayer that his sister hadn’t heard, that she was asleep or out of the house or something, because he truly didn’t know what Momo did before he woke up. Though with his strand of bad luck lately, how could he have ever been truly optimistic in the slightest?

It should have been expected that Momo would hear, that she would bound out of her room and near  _leap_ onto Kano as soon as he had reached the top of the stairs.

Which was exactly what she did. Much to Shintaro’s chagrin.

Immediately, Momo blocked the hallway to his room with both of her arms, keeping a stance that vaguely reminded of Shintaro of some sort of anime warrior. It was rather annoying. His upper lip curled up in disgust, but thank god Kano was there- her intent was focused on annoying someone else for once. (He decided a moment later that the sentence, ‘Thank god Kano was there’, was something he’d never repeat again, even mentally.)

Momo’s peach hair was tied up in a high ponytail, proof that she had only just woken up, but evidently, that wasn’t going to stop her from jumping into the conversation. Her voice grated at his ears.

“Soulmate!” She said, removing an arm from bracing the wall to hold one finger up in a very confused (Maybe he was confused? Surprised? Excited? Shintaro honestly couldn’t tell. In that sense, he envied him.) Kano’s face. “You’re my annoying brother’s soulmate! Did you know that he thought you’d be a girl?”

Almost immediately his face heated up. Kano spared a dull glance at him, but when he turned back to Momo, his face lit up in the brightest smile that he had seen from the boy since the very moment they first met. Before they got to know each other.

It kind of pissed Shintaro off.

“Momo,” Shintaro hissed under his breath. He attempted to sound threatening, but even he was self-aware to realise he just sounded vaguely like a chain smoker. “You’re annoying. You’re being annoying. Go back to your room or something.”

“Ah, please, dear, dear soulmate!” Kano waved him off, approaching Momo comfortably, too comfortably. “I’m meeting the actual Momo Kisaragi! Y’know, my sister just  _loves_ you!”

Momo lit up immediately.

“Really? Is she cute?” She chirped, clasping her hands together in front of her chest and swooning forwards. “What’s she like? Is she tall? Tall girls are my type! Though, I wouldn’t be opposed to short girls either!”

Kano laughed, running his fingers through the back of his hair.

“She’s my sister! But for you? You two would be  _so_ cute together, y’know? She’s a tooon taller than you, too. Even taller than me!”

“That’s not saying much.” Shintaro murmured. Kano shot a sharp glare at him, yet kept the smile on his face to create a rather eerie expression. Shintaro took a step back from the pair.

“Shut up, I want to hear more from your soulmate!” Momo waved him off, shuffling towards Kano to hear more. “What does she look like, huh? Like, is her hair long? Short? Can she cook? Does she sing? Does she play tennis? What kind of music does she listen to? What kind of clothes does she wear?”

Kano hummed for a moment while Shintaro watched in irritation. The longer this boy stayed in his house, the more frustrating he seemed to become. Even just the aura about him was frustrating.

“She has the cool vibe, right? Long hair. It’s usually tied up. She cooks super well, though! Some of the best food I’ve ever eaten has come from her! She can’t sing, she doesn’t play tennis, she listens to your music, and she wears mostly hoodies.” Kano answered quickly, jotting off each of her questions and flicking down his fingers in a sort of checklist as he went.

Grinning, a slight blush rose on his sister’s cheeks.

“Can I meet her?” Momo squeaked, twiddling her thumbs.

That was it. He couldn’t take watching this sad scene anymore.

“You’re too thirsty! Go back to your room already.” Shintaro huffed, pushing his way past Momo and into his room, where he could sit at his computer and drink his soda and just get this damn thing over with already. They hadn’t even started yet, and he was already feeling a migraine begin to creep up into the outer reaches of his skull, just behind his eyes.

He moved to the computer chair, flopping back and spinning himself idly around, using his left foot to propel himself. The walls weren’t exactly thin, but even so, Shintaro could hear the last few bits of Kano and Momo’s conversation, which, from what he could tell, was completely innocuous. Both of them were just pleasantly chatting. Kano showed no signs of aggression whatsoever. No snide remarks, no cutting jokes. Just... plain and simple courtesy.

When Kano finally entered his room, Shintaro held his tongue for only a moment before commenting on it.

“You seemed... nice out there.”

Kano tossed him a quick smirk. 

“You seemed rather asshole-y out there! Calling your adorable little sister thirsty? How shameful,” He quipped, his eyes glazing over the room. If Shintaro didn’t know any better, he would think that Kano was disgusted by its state. But that was impossible; he had just cleaned it this morning! “It smells gross in here.”

“What does it smell like?” Shintaro frowned, spinning around to begin pulling up the registry forums he had earlier bookmarked.

“Like...” Kano’s nosed wrinkled up a bit. “Like Axe body spray.”

“...”

Shit. He had him figured out.

Smoothly, Shintaro kept his lips pressed together and merely tapped out his basic information into the forms. He refused to even look at Kano. The boy only seemed to flourish whenever he glared at him, anyway. Keeping his mouth shut, Shintaro bit the inside of his cheek until he heard the all too familiar  _squish_ of his bed and immediately stopped typing to turn around and find Kano face down in his pillows.  _His_ pillows!

“Stop that.”

“Stop what?” Kano’s voice was muffled, presumably because of the very comfy pillows that his face was buried in.

_“That.”_

“That what?”

Shintaro grit his teeth before pulling a spare pillow from the base of his bed and throwing it on top of the small blond boy. He jumped, sitting up and glaring at Shintaro coldly.

“Fine, genius, where am I supposed to sit?” Kano grumbled, shifting away from Shintaro, even further into the pillows.

“Like... There, maybe?” Shintaro gestured towards a very comfortable spot on the floor. Wood can be cushy, right? “Never mind, just don’t mess up my bed or anything.”

“Roger,” Kano lazily saluted, flopping back onto his pillows  _again_  and even snuggling into the blankets, that asshole. Just as Shintaro was about to scold him again, the boy spoke up. “Are we gonna do this or not?”

“Just... Keep your distance, okay? I don’t need someone policing me while I fill this out.”

“Gladly.”

* * *

 

For the next three hours, Shintaro had to deal with Kano’s  _annoying_ quirks, the way that his voice would go up in pitch whenever Shintaro asked him a particularly personal question. And apparently, what Kano considered personal questions could be as simple as asking for his damn birthday.

(”Birthday?”

“That’s a little... personal, don’t you think? Say, Shintaro, can you leave that blank?”

“What, are you stupid or something? No. Just tell me your birthday.”

“Ah... Well, the month of my birthday is the digital root of 1994, and the day is X.”

“What does that even mean?”

“Shh, shh! If you want to fill out these forms, you’ll do the math yourself!”)

Stretching out his back, Shintaro spared a glance out the slitted blinds of his room, just beyond the dark curtains. They had been at it for hours now. The base of his spine was writhed with pain, though that was most likely caused by the stress and suddenness of the situation, which weighed down on him like an iron barbell.

“There’s still a few more things on here, but they’re all for you to fill out. I’ve done my part already, so...” Shintaro pushed his chair away from the computer, before standing up and stretching. If he looked in a dark corner of his room, he could almost swear that the text was imprinted on his eyes, because ghosts of the various boxes just wouldn’t stop floating around.

Kano, who was currently swinging his legs off the edge of a bed, looked much like a lazy cat. If he didn’t know any better, he would say that the boy was asleep, though he had been answering him for the past three hours, so he clearly wasn’t.

“My turn? I see...” Kano hummed, rocking back a bit before propelling himself up with force. Shintaro looked him over from head to toe, watched him as he ruffled up his ashy blond hair with his deft fingers. The guilt of being an observer stirred in his stomach, and Shintaro looked away.

“It’s stuff about your home life and things like that... I don’t think it’ll take that long. So...” Shintaro shuffled over to the bed, the opposite side from where Kano had been sitting, and let himself fall back into the soft embrace of his comforter. “Just tell me when you’re done.”

“Mm.” The boy nodded, sliding over on his socks against the wooden floor to the spinning chair before making himself comfortable and sitting down. A moment later, and he was scanning the page, hesitantly tapping at the keys before seeming to get a feel for them and pecking away at the speed of light.

Shintaro turned away from him, rolling onto his side and grabbing one of his down pillows. His softest one. Yet, as he buried his face into it, there was something different.

Something... that smelled like... cinnamon? Cinnamon, maybe. Or vanilla. Or maybe the woods? It smelled almost warm, like a summer night.

It smelled good.

A moment later, something clicked in his mind, and the sudden realization that the scent belonged to  _Kano_ made him frantically sit up and push the pillow away from him, all the way down to the end of the bed.

Gross, never mind. It definitely smelled terrible, definitely.

“Are you almost done?” Shintaro grumbled, though it had been less than two minutes since he had surrendered his computer over to the boy. Briefly, he bit his tongue before continuing. A huge part of him just wanted to ignore the next step of the process, but that would be counterproductive. “We need to look at some of the... apartment listings after this.”

Kano clicked his tongue, and Shintaro could see the numerous amounts of boxes he had left blank on the screen. Whether it was out of laziness or simply because there was nothing to fill in, he wasn’t sure. Shintaro was willing to bet on the former, however.

“I’m done, okay? There,” He used the heels of his hands to push himself away from the desk, but when Shintaro stood up to check over the information, immediately clicked on the next form button to submit it. “Ah! No peeking! That’s my business, right, soulmate?”

How juvenile. Shintaro grunted, nudging Kano’s hand out of the way and grabbing the mouse from him.

It was a bit too little too late that Shintaro remembered Kano’s aversion to being touched, and as soon as he brushed the boy’s hand, he pulled it away. He held his breath, anticipating an intense reaction, and when the other barely moved, it was somehow more eerie.

“Don’t touch me. You’re gross.” Kano said, snapping his hand away, and really, Shintaro would have felt more offended by it if he wasn’t just trying to get this entire debacle over with. Forgive him for trying to be considerate, then. And to think that he was actually about to apologise for the light action, but apparently, Kano’s dislike of touch was only because of him.

“If you’re so disgusted by it, then go wash your hands,” He suggested coolly. “The bathroom’s down the hall. Take as long as you need. In fact, once you think you’ve taken as long as you need, take a little longer. Then just stay there and never come back to me.”

Kano merely smiled at him, which was  _terrifying,_  before standing up and heading out of the room.

“Got it! I don’t know where your hands have been, after all!” The boy grinned, poking his head back in just after he left. “Maybe they were in the panties of a busty, mature woman!”

“Go to hell!”

“I’m already there, Shintaro, dearest!”

And just like that, the blond darted out, before Shintaro could say anything in response. The venom in the boy’s tone was chilling.

As he slowly spun around towards the dull glow of his monitor, he couldn’t help but contemplate his luck. For the past three hours, the room was like a pressure cooker, just waiting to be opened and the contents inside devoured. Shintaro wouldn’t say that he was so oblivious as to say that it was all of the blond kid’s fault, but had Kano not set him off in the first place, there wouldn’t have been an issue.

Maybe he should have apologised for touching him.

But again, Kano had very clearly expressed his reasoning as nothing more than pure, untethered disgust.

Quickly, Shintaro pushed the idea of apologising out of his head.

Shintaro was disgusting. The mirror proved it. His lifestyle proved it. His face proved it. Every damn thing about him nearly screamed disgusting, disgusting,  _disgusting_ in a childlike mantra that dug into his brain like parasites and never left, choosing to make a home and house their taunting, disgusting young there instead.

Kano was right, and he didn’t blame him for that, not that at least.

Looking over his hands, he traced his index finger along the lines of his left palm. Momo had once read his palm, saying that since his heart line was abnormally long, stretched all the way across his palm, that it’d mean a long, full love life. What a crock of shit that turned out to be.

He snapped his hands down as Kano came back into the room, flicking leftover droplets of water onto the floor as he shuffled in.

“Shintaro.”

“Mmm.” Shintaro grunted, turning back to the screen.

“There was Axe body wash in your shower. Are you okay? I’m a little worried about you; no one should like it  _that_ much.”

He balked, spinning around and standing up.

“That... That was my mom’s...!” Shintaro hastily explained, attempting to ignore the other’s grin creeping up on his face. “And what does it matter? It smells good!”

Between chuckles, Kano waved him off, his pupils darting around the room, away from Shintaro.

“Alright, alright! You smell like a middle school boy, but that’s fine! Is that the look you’re going for?” He pretended to give him a once over before shooting him two thumbs up. “10 out of 10! I could almost mistake you for a prepubescent boy! Congratulations!”

“That’s pretty tall talk for someone so small,” Shintaro snorted. “Mr. Barely 5′5.”

Kano seemed genuinely offended for a moment, before smoothly transitioning into a blinding grin. It happened so quickly that Shintaro had to wonder if he had just imagined the first expression.

“Funny, funny! Now, let’s go pick out a  _tiiiny_ apartment to live in!” He suggested snidely. “After all, your comedy career will clearly be a flop, so I want to make sure we live within our means.”

“Ugh, you’re so annoying,” Shintaro huffed, flopping back onto his chair and scooting towards the screen again. “Just get over here. I actually need your input for this part.”

Albeit somewhat reluctantly, Kano scooted over and knelt behind him, so close to Shintaro that he could smell the scent of the boy’s shampoo mixed with his natural aroma. It only served to prove that yes, the summer scent lingering on his pillow was that of his...  _soulmate’s._ The word no longer carried the exciting, happy connotation it once held for him.

“Just look at the map. We have a few options in the city,” Shintaro shrugged, gesturing towards the area. “But I want to stay close to home in case I need something.”

Kano snickered, but reached in front of him and grabbed the mouse, clicking through the various options before his mouth stretched out into a thin, dissatisfied line.

“They’re all one bedroom.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m not going to sleep with you.”

“I call the bed,” Shintaro said after a moment of thinking. “I call it.”

Kano narrowed his eyes.

“What do you mean you ‘call’ the bed? You can’t do that right now!” He exclaimed, huffing. “It’s cheating. Wait until a little later, at least.” 

Shintaro glared at him, before gesturing over to his bed.

“Look at those pillows. They deserve a bed.”

Kano snorted before continuing to click through the options.

“Your stupid soft pillows, you mean?”

“Mhm.”

Instead of answering, Kano merely clicked on a tiny spot several miles away from his house. The pictures made it seem nice enough- cream coloured walls, a fairly plain kitchen. It was clean, at least.

“This one. It splits the distance between our houses,” He said. “And it’s clean. But it’s in a soulmate complex, so... We’ll probably be hearing a lot of sex noises. Constantly.”

“Ew,” Shintaro wrinkled his nose before clicking through the screen to see the price, which was fairly low after soulmate adjusted rent. “It’s not that expensive. But we still need to earn money.”

Kano shrugged before straightening out his back and walking back over to the bed.

“I can get a job. My brother has some connections.”

Shintaro thought for a moment before nodding. It would work, so long as they both put in effort.

“I can do some freelance projects online. I’m okay with coding.”

Waving him off, Kano grabbed  _his_ pillow again and buried his face into it.

“It’s settled. When’s the move in date? It should say it on the next page.”

Sure enough, there it was. Only a mere week from now, if they registered for it today.

“A week.”

Humming, Kano nodded.

“That’s fine. I could use a week away from you. To prepare myself.”

Instead of responding, because at this point, Shintaro was sure that it wouldn’t do much good, he clicked through the screens, checking several agreements without reading the terms of service or the lease agreements. They were all the same, anyway. Only a moment later, his printer was stirring to life and printing out copies of the lease agreement to bring to the complex.

The process was alarmingly easy. Couldn’t criminals use this too, if they registered under a fake name? The background check only took a moment of loading, after all. Though it was a relief to see that Kano’s record was clean. He wasn’t in danger of being murdered  _yet._

“That’s it, I guess,” Shintaro said, standing up to retrieve the papers from the printer. “You can go home.”

Kano merely gestured out the window, and it was only then that Shintaro noticed the heavy droplets of rain cascading down from the sky and plopping into puddles below. If he let himself zone out for a moment, it sounded more like white noise than anything else.

“Never mind, then...” He sighed, falling back down into the seat of his desk chair. “You can stay for a little longer. Just until the rain stops.”

“Wouldn’t want to stay any longer than that.” Kano murmured, his eyes fluttering shut.

Shintaro watched him for a moment before looking away and spinning back to his computer. Kano looked like a kitten, and the comparison scared him.

“Don’t fall asleep or anything.”

“Then can I play with your bunny?” Kano asked lazily. He could hear the shifting of his fabric behind him, and could only assume that the boy was moving down to the cage. Shintaro tried to block out the noise, clicking mindlessly through a forum without reading any of the posts.

“Her name is Tono. Don’t touch her stomach or her ears. Or her feet. Just her back.”

Kano hummed, and the clanking metal of the cage, followed by the frantic shuffling of Tono’s feet could only mean that somehow, Kano had  _already_ irritated Tono to the point of making her flop around. Curious, Shintaro spun in his chair to observe the scene play out.

And instead, he was met with an image of Tono practically  _snuggling_ into Kano’s chest, pushing her ears into his fingers as her whiskers and jaw moved lightly. She was happy.

“I guess she likes you,” Shintaro noted bitterly, sinking down to the ground and moving towards him. “A lot.”

“Maybe,” Kano said quietly, seemingly overwhelmed by all of the attention. He gently ran his hand along her soft fur, and she didn’t seem to mind at all. “More importantly, are those coke cans under your bed?”

“... No.”

Kano laughed.

“They are! That’s a lot of soda. You might die before you turn twenty one. What a shame.”

“Go to hell...” Shintaro murmured, the creeping jealousy beginning to bubble up in his chest. “Hey, why does she like you so much?”

The other shrugged, his finger pads massaging against Tono’s ears.

“I don’t know. Maybe she has good taste.”

“She’s mine. She’s not yours, you know.” Shintaro said, glaring at the pair.

Kano seemed confused, raising one eyebrow.

“Where are you going with this?”

Shintaro stood up, clenching his fists into a tight ball. His nails dug into his palms, but he couldn’t be bothered to care.

“Put her back in her cage. She’s mine. I don’t care if she likes you better. She’s mine,” He growled. “I don’t care that my sister likes you better, either. She’s mine too! She’s  _my_ sister. I don’t care who else like you better! Stop taking people away from me. They’re  _my_ family, not yours.”

Kano was taken aback for a moment before guiding Tono into her cage and standing up, brushing the stray rabbit fur off of him.

“I’m not taking  _anyone_ away from you!” He grinned maliciously. “How could someone like me even do that in the first place? I’m just treating them humanely! If a stranger is enough to come in and,” He put air quotes around his next words. “ _Steal them_ , then I don’t think you ever had much of a bond to begin with, did you?”

“Shut up!” Shintaro said, subconsciously moving forward and hovering over the boy. “Just shut up! Can’t you just shut up?”

“You’re the one who brought this up! I was just trying to give attention to your pet!” Kano yelled in response, his voice raising to dangerously audible levels. The lack of distance between them seemed to send the boy into panic mode, and when Shintaro didn’t back away, he began looking around frantically for a way to escape. “Get away from me. Don’t come any closer.”

Hesitantly, Shintaro took a step back, if only because he was worried that the other would physically lash out if he didn’t. Of course, this didn’t exactly absolve his anger, however.

“Who’s next, huh? My mom? Are you going to take her, too?” He asked, tapping his foot against the polished floor. “My friends? Who’s next? What else are you going to take from me? You already took my life away from me!”

Shintaro gestured around his room, the little life he had built for himself within the four walls.

“You took this away from me! You took my chance of being normal away from me! You took everything!” He yelled, and at this point, volume wasn’t a concern. “What’s going to be next, huh? What else are you going to take? I didn’t ask for you. I didn’t want you. I didn’t want you at all!”

Kano’s smile faltered for just a moment, flickering, before he dropped it and glared at him. He could see the boy’s limbs shaking, quivering. It was a time bomb about to explode, but Shintaro couldn’t bring himself to care. Before Kano could open that stupid, obnoxious mouth of his, he coated the silent air with his own demands.

“Get out of my room. Get out of my house. Get out of my life. I don’t want you.”

He should have been happy when Kano obliged, but when the blond ran out of his room, the pitter pat of his footsteps echoing down the staircase and subsequently followed by the slam of the front door, all he could feel was disgust.

Almost motionlessly, Shintaro wavered in the air, and as if to prevent himself from falling over, reached out towards the bed and curled up on it, his arms blindly reaching for the nearby pillow.

He curled up much like a fetus, bringing the soft fabric to his face.

And then he screamed.

Screamed for the girl he’d never get, screamed for the boy he got instead, screamed for the life he had lost, screamed for the bullying he had since become numb to, screamed for his mom, his sister, Ayano, Takane, Haruka.

Even then, the pillow still smelled like Kano.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOOPS GUESS WHO GOT A LITTLE TOO EXCITED ABT COLLEGE APPLICATIONS.... this guy. 
> 
> love you guys. comment if you can, if not, i still see you, i still appreciate you :9
> 
> PS WE'RE NOT DONE W THIS SHIT YET... NOT EVEN CLOSE

     The fifth floor.

Their apartment was on the fifth floor of the complex, and even just  _looking_ at the stairs was making Shintaro feel winded.

This, of course, wasn’t because Shintaro was weak or unfit or anything like that; it was simply just because using all of that time to walk up stairs was just taking time away from other activities that he could be doing instead. (Even as he uttered this under his breath, his legs twitched in protest of the massacre that was about to befall them. Lying was never a skill of his; That was more his sister’s forte. Sometimes. Kind of.)

Last week had come and gone in a flash, though for the remainder of the seven days, Shintaro’s fingers had remained attached to the keyboard of his computer, incessantly searching for possible solutions to his little-  _very little-_  blond haired dilemma.

And of course, if he had found a way to switch his soulmate, or if even at the very  _least_ he had found some information regarding possible inaccuracies of saliva sampling, he wouldn’t be standing in front of a tall, cream coloured building that looked more like a prison than a housing unit. His very own prison.

“Excuse me, you’re in the way...”

Shintaro immediately stepped aside, stumbling over his own feet as he moved back against the wall of the car his mother had let him borrow to transport his things.

(He wasn’t very fond of cars, but he was even less fond of the idea of leaving his computer behind, and like  _hell_ was he going to carry it all the way across town on the bus or something like that.)

A young couple brushed past him, their fingers so tightly interwound that it seemed as if they may snap off at any moment. They continued walking, but even as they began stepping up the stairs in sync, Shintaro could hear the remaining bits of their conversation linger in the far too narrow stairwell.

“That man seemed really scary, you know?”

“Well, that’s what I’m here for! I’m your soulmate, after all. It’s my job to protect you... to love you.”

And that was it, that was all it took to bring the bile that had been nicely subdued at the bottom of Shintaro’s stomach back to the top of his throat like a very unpleasant house guest. It took all of his willpower to force it back down, to not throw up on the side of the building like some kind of drunkard. He had just moved here, after all; what if all of his neighbors saw? That wasn’t a risk Shintaro was willing to take, despite every single nerve ending in his body yelling at him to get over himself and just throw up. Maybe the knot of anxiety in him would be soothed if he just got it over with already.

No, Shintaro steeled himself, one hand gripping the railing of the stairs. He could do this. He would climb the stairs and face his...  _soulmate_ with dignity.

When he reached the third floor, Shintaro was gasping for air, and he wasn’t quite so sure if he could anymore. Slumping to his knees, he sat there, waiting for around ten minutes or so, before gathering the shattered pieces of his resolve and climbing the rest of the way up. The higher he got, the longer it seemed to take, as by the time he finally reached apartment 510, Shintaro was at least 80 percent sure that one of his lungs had been flattened on the way up.

Fumbling around with the keys in his front pocket, Shintaro’s shaking hands only managed to turn the latch on the lock halfway before the damn thing  _jammed,_ and he had to pull it out to try again.

Sometime during this pathetic display of incompetency, a soft  _ding_ came from just down the hall.

Of course there would be an elevator, why wouldn’t there be?

It was just his luck that he would walk straight past an elevator and go up five flights of stairs instead.

Shintaro didn’t even stop to see his new neighbors emerge from the elevator before shoving his way inside his apartment. Truth be told, he was much too frazzled at the moment to even recognize new people as human. (They all had grey balls of static where their faces should be.)

The door’s slam shut was much louder than he had anticipated. It seemed heavy, and Shintaro had to wonder if break ins were common, since there was really no other reason to make a door so loud.

Or, he thought, it could be soundproof. This was a soulmate residency. There were plenty of reasons to have soundproof walls in a soulmate residency. Shintaro shuddered as he looked up from the white tile of the foyer.

The room itself wasn’t bad at all. There was a small balcony that he could see from where he was standing, and a very generic looking couch faced a very generic looking television propped up on a very generic looking table in the center of the room. All of this was centered on very generic-ly beige carpet, with very generic-ly cream walls. The kitchen to his right was nothing special, but featured a small dining bar in lieu of an actual eating area.

At least he wouldn’t have to watch Kano’s stupid face while he ate. The thought gave him solace, and even if just by a bit, the knot in his stomach began to unwind.

Then he heard a toilet flush, and the knot twisted itself back together again, probably with an additional bond of super glue or something, because this was definitely the worst it had been all day.

“Sis? Is that you?”

Shintaro’s gaze hardened immediately. He didn’t have to wait for the boy to turn the corner before recognizing the voice as Kano’s.

Today, his soulmate (The word felt no less disgusting and unreal.) was wearing a black sweater and jeans. His boots were neatly lined up near the door, and Shintaro was mentally kicking himself that he didn’t see them before.

“Ah,” Kano said, emerging from the bedroom(?) doorway. “It’s only you.”

Straightening his back, Shintaro tossed his set of keys onto the counter.

“You’re here early,” He grimaced. “Why?”

He almost immediately regret asking when that dangerous smile of his appeared on Kano’s face, and his gaze narrowed into a sharp glare in a sort of self defense mechanism.

“Because I’m sick, see? I told my siblings, and they said it was probably because I ran home the other day in the rain.” Kano grinned.

“That’s not my fault! And besides, you can’t get sick just from being cold and wet...! So even if I  _had_ shoved you out of my house, you getting sick would have had nothing to do with me.” He hissed, keeping his voice just low enough to not scare off their new neighbors. (The soundproof, moanproof, yellproof walls had already escaped his mind. Probably for the better.)

The blond shook his head as he flopped back onto the couch.

“You told me to get out of your life. What kind of person would be so stupid as to stay in the room of someone who clearly hates them?” Kano hummed, clicking his tongue.

Shintaro opened his mouth to retort, but Kano cut him off with a movement of his hand, clearly not finished speaking. He had to bite his tongue to prevent himself from saying something stupid in response. Something that he couldn’t unsay, because there were no logical remarks flying into his brain at the moment. He watched with a sense of unease as Kano, restless as ever, stood up and approached him from his spot on the couch.

“If fate says that I’m supposed to fall in love with you, then fate is a pretty shitty match maker, wouldn’t you say?” Kano said dryly, his amber irises flickering between his sweater covered wrist and Shintaro, back down to his wrist once more. “Don’t feel obligated to love me, either! Just coexist with me until we both die. Doesn’t that just sound like so much  _fun,_ Shintaro?”

Listening to the other speak grated against his ears. Shintaro stepped around the boy and into the main room.

“I’m not even going to dignify that with an answer, Kano.”

“But you just did! You just answered me, even if it wasn’t answering the question itself,” He said, stepping back over to the couch and flopping down onto the fabric, his back arching like a cat as he stretched against the piece of furniture. “Ah, but anyway, anyway. That was a rhetorical question, so I guess it was kind of stupid of you to respond in the first place! Though, it doesn’t surprise me that you would, all things considering.”

Did he ever shut up, or did he just like to hear himself talk? Shintaro frowned as he stepped into the bedroom, only to stop in his tracks after realising that he had voiced his last thought out loud.

“My voice is much cooler than yours, so I don’t know why you’re complaining. It’s not like you ever get the chance to talk to other people outside of your family and whatever internet buddies you’ve managed to seduce with your forum arguing skills,” Kano bristled, and sat up  _again_ , like if he sat still for more than one moment, he’d die. What a nice thought, Shintaro hummed, and almost tuned out when the boy began speaking again. “I’m here early because I’m sick, and my older sister offered to help move my stuff because she didn’t want me to overwork myself. And she could only come before her morning classes started.”

“Older sister?” Shintaro raised his eyebrows as he peered into the bathroom, which was attached to the bedroom. It wasn’t bad in there, either. Not that it was the pinnacle of home decor or anything, but it was at least clean. Hopefully that would last, but Kano didn’t strike him as a very clean type.

Kano stood, began pacing around the living room.

"She’s super pretty, so try to restrain yourself. If you even touch her, I’ll change the locks to the apartment and I’ll never let you in again.”

Harsh.

Something told him that Kano wasn’t kidding around, though, despite the cheery smile stiffly set on his face. Shintaro shrugged once, and that seemed to be enough of an answer for Kano, because he moved from pacing around the living room to pacing around the bedroom instead, and as soon as they were within a three foot radius, he cleared out and moved into the kitchen.

As Shintaro was contemplating going back down to the car to pick up the rest of his belongings, the door jiggled, and he nearly jumped ten feet in the air with a yelp. No one had told him this place was haunted. This was ridiculous; was this why soulmate housing was so cheap?

And then Kano was rushing up to the door, sniffling slightly as he opened it and allowed a monster of boxes to come waltzing in.

At least, it seemed like a box monster, until the boxes were delicately set to the floor, and bam, there was actually someone under there. Relief washed over him, and was quickly replaced with excitement when he realised the true identity of the box monster.

“Ayano?” Shintaro asked, her name light and sweet on his tongue. “Ayano, you’re this guy’s sister?”

The mop of brown hair, which was tied back into a ponytail, turned to face him. She nearly knocked him over with the force of her dazzling smile, and yes, this was definitely Ayano.

“Shintaro!” She said, bouncing over and rocking back and forth on her pink flats. “Shintaro, you’re Shuu-Shuu’s soulmate? I had no idea!”

He narrowed his eyes, completely oblivious to Kano choking on his own spit over by the door.

“Shuu-Shuu?”

“Shuuya!”

His eyes narrowed even further.

“... Shuuya?”

“Hey, you don’t even remember your soulmate’s full name? That’s so sad, Shintaro Kisaragi.” Kano murmured from across the room, his arms folded tightly over his chest. Ayano looked back at him and grinned, and it was almost insane how infectious her smile was, because even in this shitty situation, Shintaro felt the corners of his mouth upturn. He could see Kano scowling out of the corner of his eye, but Kano didn’t matter to him one bit.

“Yeah! Shu- Sorry,  _Kano_ , is my little brother!” Ayano hummed, her fingers pushing a long strand of brown hair out of her eyes and tucking it behind her ear.

Before he could stop himself, the words slipped out.

“I thought you said you had a cute little brother,” Shintaro blurted out, and he could have sworn that Kano’s serene expression faltered for a minute. At this point, he figured that he had already dug his own grave, so he bit the bullet and kept speaking. “I mean, you said that your little brothers were both cute... And funny, and sweet.”

Ayano tipped her head to the side, honestly seeming confused before she shook her head and then  _oh, he was being hugged_ and this was the first time he had ever been hugged by a girl other than his mom or his sister, and this was one of his best friends, and the smell of her strawberry shampoo was lingering all around her and it was almost too much for him to handle.

Then he caught a glimpse of Kano’s face, which sort of made him feel as if he was about to be murdered at any moment if he didn’t get his hands off of Ayano.

Which really wasn’t fair, considering that Ayano was the one that hugged him, and she was his friend, not his crush or anything like that. Kano was just overreacting. Yet, he really wanted to live at least until the release of the next episode of his show, so he begrudgingly patted the girl on her shoulders and stepped back from her as soon as her grip loosened.

Shintaro coughed, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“It’s nice to see you.”

“Yeah!” She agreed, and moved to the door. “Y’know, I have some more stuff downstairs. I can help you gather your stuff, too. After all, look at how strong I am!”

In an unreasonably impressive demonstration of strength, she reached down to grab the bottom box in a stack that was twice her size, and lifted them all with ease.

Kano coughed from where he was standing, and was now fumbling around with his sweater sleeve. The siblings locked gazes momentarily, and Shintaro couldn’t tell what they were doing, but they seemed to come to a silent agreement when Ayano put down the boxes and turned back to Shintaro.

“Ready?”

“U-Uh,” Shintaro stuttered unintelligibly. “Yeah.”

Quickly, he found that Ayano’s walking pace was just as difficult for him to keep up with as her pace in conversations; she moved fast and bounced all over the place and much like a certain blond, couldn’t keep still for even one moment. Not even in the elevator.

“So,” She began. “What do you think of Shuuya?”

Shintaro bit his lip. Was there really  _any_ good way to let one of your best friends know that their younger sibling was a piece of snarky, unfriendly crap? Probably not, though he had never had any friends before Takane, Haruka, and Ayano came along, so the he had never really encountered the problem before.

He looked at her, and considered telling her the truth, but he would be pretty angry if say, Haruka told him that Momo was a terrible person. Stuck in some sort of conversation limbo, Shintaro could only shrug again, and that seemed to be his defining answer for the day.

“You don’t have to answer out loud. I know what you’re thinking!” She grinned as the floors beeped down. “See, I’m physic, so I know absolutely everything there is to know about you.”

He raised an eyebrow, skeptical for obvious reasons.

“What’s my favourite food?”

“You only love soda!”

“... Touche,” Shintaro said, folding his arms. “Alright. Then, you tell me. What do I think about your little brother?”

Ayano answered with no hesitation.

“You hate him.”

The certainty in her voice made him take a step back.

“You hate him because he’s not what you expected, right?” She asked, though her tone showed no signs of doubt, and left no room for argument. He gulped. “You wouldn’t have shoved him out of your room if he was a girl.”

The elevator let them out at the bottom floor, and Shintaro could only stumble behind her like a newborn puppy as she continued speaking.

“I’m not angry at you for hating my brother. He doesn’t like you either, you know?” She said, and laughed through her words as they came to the edge of the parking lot, then stopped walking abruptly.

Shintaro waits for her to continue, and when she says nothing, assumes that it must be his turn to speak. The words don’t seem to form quite right in his head.

“I’m sorry,” Was all he could manage to get out, which in turn caused another round of giggles from Ayano.

“For what?”

“For... not liking him.”

She merely shook her head.

“That’s not something to apologise for! But it doesn’t matter, anyway. Look at your wrist,” Ayano said, and he obliges, pushing up the sleeve of his left arm. “What number is it on?”

Shintaro stared down at the white digits, unsure if Ayano was giving him a trick question, before shrugging and tracing over the zeroes with his right index finger.

“Zero.”

“Exactly,” She beamed. “So you’re not going to hate him forever!”

“And if I do?” Shintaro asked, his voice growing low, quiet. “I don’t want to be his soulmate. I’d rather have no soulmate than be...  _gay_. I’d rather die than have a guy for a soulmate. And you know what, Ayano? He hates me. I was rude to him when we first met, and I thought that  _maybe_ we might have been able to become friends afterwards if the entire thing was just a mix up. I was talking to him at the clinic, and he understood what I was saying about the...  _gay_ thing.”

He tapped the button on his key fob to open the trunk of the car, which opened about halfway across the parking lot. His grip on the plastic was far too tight, but he couldn’t care less about it.

“And then we started arguing again, and things only got worse, and now this kid is definitely my soulmate. He’s my  _soulmate_ , and I-”

The words almost didn’t come out.

“I hate him. He came in and made friends with Momo right away, and I haven’t seen her smile like that around me in years. Tono never lets me pet her, and  _he_ was able to just come in and rub her stomach like he had been her owner for years. Kano was able to just smile his way through the clinic, through my house, and every damn person I’ve seen around him loves him.”

Ayano was now staring at the ground, her hands folded in her lap and twisting around the hem of her dress like she was waiting for Shintaro to finish.

Shintaro wasn’t finished.

“What kind of fate is this, huh?” He spat out, leaning against the hood of his car. “I’m not allowed to be normal for even once in my life? I only have one-” He held up his left arm, pressed it against his forehead. “timer, I only have four friends, I only have one family, and I  _thought_ that maybe, just maybe, I’d be able to live like a normal person after I met my soulmate! I could have gotten married, I could have had kids, I could have been able to walk around in public and no one would have noticed me because I would have been normal.” Shintaro said, his voice catching in his throat.

No, he wouldn’t cry here. That would have been stupid.

He just had something caught in his eye, that was all.

“I just wanted to be normal for once.”

Maybe at some point, he had forgotten exactly who he was speaking to, because most people would try their best not to talk badly about their friend’s family.

Of course, he’s not  _most people,_ he’s a freak.

“Are you done, Shintaro?” Ayano asked simply, and her voice was unchanged. Half of him was expecting her to slap him in the face and kick him in the shins, the other half was waiting to be yelled at for at least an hour. He probably deserved it.

Shintaro wiped at his eyes, which weren’t tearing up, and nodded numbly.

“You don’t know it yet, but you’ll see soon enough,” She said, humming and grabbing boxes from the back of his car. “But if you’d rather die than have a boy soulmate, you wouldn’t be here right now, right? You wouldn’t have shown up here today.”

She didn’t allow him to pick up any of the boxes, choosing to gather them all up in her arms instead, and began walking back throughout the parking lot. A tiny voice in the back of his mind advised Shintaro to help her, but she seemed to be doing alright for herself, so he instead shut the trunk, and padded along next to her.

“And you’re not gay, either! You’re still bisexual, even if you’re in a relationship with another boy. And even if you were gay, why would that make a difference? There are plenty of people now who don’t try and hide it.”

“Just like there are plenty of people who find other same sex soulmates so they could pretend to be spouses with one another’s soulmate without seeming suspicious,” Shintaro retorted. “I could deal with being bisexual if I was soulmates with a girl, but I’m not, and I’ll never be normal, and it’s all because of these stupid timers.”

Ayano brushed him off, and continued speaking.

“But Shuuya isn’t like how you make him seem. He’s not that outgoing or charismatic at all, actually,” She chuckled, then looked off as if she was remembering some sort of distant memory. “This past week, he locked himself in his room. We didn’t even know he was sick until today.”

“He said that you all told him that he was sick from running outside in the rain.” Shintaro said, his eyes narrowing.

“Shuuya lied, then.”

A wave of anger surged through him, but pulled out as quickly as the tides did themselves. Composing himself, he waited for Ayano to speak up, and once it was clear that he didn’t have anything to say in response, she did.

“Besides, Shuuya’s really smart! He knows that you can’t catch a cold just from the rain,” She said, humming as Shintaro pressed the elevator buttons for her. “Actually, it was probably just to make you feel guilty.”

“I know that.” Shintaro grunted, chewing on the inside of his cheek.

Ayano looked him over once, and her gaze nearly burned into his skin.

“Did you hear what I said?”

“It was to make me feel guilty, yeah. What else is new.”

She merely continued staring at him, like she was waiting for him to put the pieces of the puzzle together, but Shintaro was getting absolutely no where sitting under her intense stare.

“It was to make you feel,” Ayano said, tapping him with her foot, her tone urging him on. “Guilty.”

Shintaro just looked at her.

“I have no clue what you’re trying to tell me here, Ayano,” He said, shrugging. (Again, that seemed to be the motion of the day for him.)

As they exited the elevator, neither of them said anything until they reached the small apartment, at which point, Ayano dropped all of the boxes onto the concrete and Shintaro felt something inside him scream and die at the idea of his computer possibly being damaged.

“Why,” She started, her brown eyes boring up into his. “Would you want to make someone feel guilty?”

The immediate answer that came to his head, of course, was ‘To make someone feel bad’, but Shintaro got the vibe that Ayano wasn’t exactly looking for that answer, and racked his brain for a better answer.

He came up with nothing. Shrugged again. 

Ayano stomped her foot, and it was almost comforting in a sense that Ayano was acting like her usual, playful, childish self like she did in their group messages.

“Say I drank your last cola, okay? Imagine that! How would that make you feel?”

“Angry.” Shintaro answered immediately, and that was the easiest thing he had done throughout the entire day.

“So let’s say you stop talking to me for a week! Right? To make me feel guilty?” She continued, urging him to nod.

“I don’t know,” He said, resting his weight on one foot. “Wouldn’t that be kind of pointless? I could just buy more.”

“Answer the question, Shintaro!”

“Okay, okay, fine!” Shintaro balked, stepping back from Ayano, who was now blocking the entire apartment door with her tiny body. “Yes! I’d do that to make you feel guilty.”

“Why?” Ayano asked, and again, the answer fell out of his mouth effortlessly, exactly like he was running through formulas and equations.

“Because I would want to let you know that I wish you hadn’t done that,” Shintaro said, and the gears turning in his mind suddenly clicked into place. “I would want to let you know that I wanted it to go differently. I would have wanted you to feel the same way I felt.”

And then he realised that Ayano was positively glowing, beaming at him and her rays of optimism were so strong that he had to look away.

“Do you get it now?” She asked, and he nodded without thinking.

Ayano smiled, stepping away from the door, and reached down to lift all of the boxes once more.

“But, y’know, this isn’t all your fault, either. Shuuya doesn’t get you yet, but he will,” Ayano grinned, and when Shintaro reached over to open the door for her, she hummed happily. “Both of you are so similar, after all. Just give it time.”

The door swung open, slammed against the wall with a thud, and Kano immediately rushed over from examining the refrigerator to help move some boxes from Ayano’s arms and onto the floor.

“Sis, did Shintaro make you carry all of these by yourself?” Kano asked innocuously, though the glare directed Shintaro’s way was anything but sweet and innocent.

Huffing, Ayano sprang to her feet, and patted her bicep, her chest puffing out with pride.

“Nope! I wanted to do it!”

Kano’s gaze relaxed, though not by much, and he nodded to himself.

“I see, I see... Then, are you going? Your class is starting pretty soon, isn’t it?” Kano asked, and out of curiosity, Shintaro peered over his shoulder to look at the green numbers on top of the oven. Almost 10- She had once mentioned, no,  _pleaded,_  for the group texts to not message her from 10:30 to 12. Apparently, math was her worst subject.

Her chest immediately deflated.

“Right, right... I’m going, but, um!” There was practically a light bulb going off over her head, Shintaro recognized that enlightened ‘um’ well enough. “Shuu-Shuu, I need to talk to you first! Come with me to the bathroom.”

‘Shuu-Shuu’ didn’t have any time to argue, because Ayano was already dragging him off and into the adjacent bathroom, and Shintaro heard the door lock behind them.

It should have been a relief to finally be alone, away from anyone else, but the room only felt empty, pressurized.

Shintaro looked down at his wrist once more.

Maybe he could cover it up. With a band aid or something. At least he wouldn’t have to look at those zeroes mocking him anymore.

The room was far too quiet, and unconsciously, Shintaro held his breath until he heard movement from the bathroom.

His feet brought him over to the door before he registered what was happening, and he listened.

The noises from the inside were wheezy, choked. Stifled.

It sounded like a small animal.

There were voices, but they sounded more like low hums than actual words, or at least, one of them did.

He could have sworn that he heard a light voice saying, “It’s okay. You’ll be okay.”

Or maybe it was just his imagination, because if that was what was said, why would the only response be stuttered, uneven breaths and heavy, muffled sobs?

Shintaro looked down at himself, looked away, only to see his reflection against the pane of the window, and walked over to the center of the living room once again.

It seemed like ages before the pair reemerged into the living room, and he didn’t miss the wet patch on Ayano’s shoulder. He didn’t miss the way Kano was guarding his eyes, and when he caught a glimpse of them, Shintaro  _certainly_ didn’t miss how red and puffy they were.

(Maybe he was a bit out of it, but he barely registered it when Ayano smacked his cheeks between her palms and made him promise to try and be nice to her brother, to which he nodded, his cheeks stinging. Kano was snickering behind him, and this was quite possibly the first time since they met that he had been relieved to hear the boy’s laugh.)

Shintaro watched Ayano disappear down the hallway and into the elevator, the light surrounding her like she was some kind of guardian deity sent from heaven up above to guard the poor souls struggling on Earth.

It was quite possible, given the littering of timers that ran rampant along Ayano’s right side, none of them crossing over to her left. There were enough that they stretched to her collarbone, to her ankles, and each one was ticking down.

Kano was behind him, and then he wasn’t.

Shintaro turned around, and Kano was back on the couch again, his right leg jiggling up and down incessantly. Restless. Nervous. Agitated.

“Hey, Kano...” He began, testing out his soulmate’s name on his tongue. “Are you hungry?”

The jiggling stopped.

“I don’t really get hungry,” Kano began, but he sounded curious. “Why?”

Shintaro hesitated for a moment, then looked at his phone.

“What do you want on your pizza?”

Kano looked back at him, analyzing him, and Shintaro momentarily shrunk under his gaze before he shot him a grin. His eyes were narrow, and he was probably about to say something sarcastic, but he wasn’t crying, and that was a start.

“Hot fudge and anchovies, dear soulmate!” He chirped, before turning back around, and Shintaro propped himself up against the counter, clicking his tongue.

“Cheese it is, then.”

Just as he was about to type in the number for the nearby pizzeria, Shintaro’s phone buzzed, and he opened up the message without thinking twice about it.

_[MSG: 10/30 10:19:12 AM]_

_AYANO: youll be ok_

_AYANO: :)_

Looking at the message, Shintaro felt his chest tighten, and he looked over to his soulmate, who was sitting by himself on the couch and fiddling around with his sweater sleeves.

Maybe.

Maybe he would be okay after all.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [drops a bomb and leaves] happy thanksgiving >;9
> 
> (talk to me @chibitalex on twitter or rxxshintaro.tumblr.com or my main at chibitalex.tumblr.com)
> 
> I AM SO AMAZED W THE RESPONSE FOR THIS YOU GUYS ARE SO.... INCREDIBLE;;;;
> 
> i hope you all enjoy this chapter

He was not okay.

In fact, Shintaro was quite possibly the furthest from okay than he has ever been in his life.

The first night they spent together in the apartment was spent in almost total silence, save for several sniffles from Kano, who was still burning up with fever. 

(Not that he had  _purposefully_  checked to see how Kano was holding up. It was just that when their fingers accidentally brushed on the couch, Shintaro had felt the uncomfortable warmth radiating through the thin grey wool of his sweater. That one brush of flesh was enough to confirm that yes, he was still sick. Kano snatched his hand away and rose from the couch less than a second after, leaving Shintaro alone and his chest tight like it had been stuffed with cotton.)

When the pizza arrived, neither of them really ate it. The other seemed content with peeling the cheese off of the slice and cutting it up into hundreds of tiny pieces with the side of his fork. (Yes, the kid ate pizza with a fork. That was the worst development of the entire soulmate problem so far, which was really saying a lot.)

The rest of the pie ended up shoved haphazardly in the fridge with the cardboard box dented due to some rather harsh handling, courtesy of Shintaro.

To be honest, the silence around the bubbly, obnoxious Kano was more unsettling than welcomed.

One more than one occasion throughout their evening together, if you could  _really_  call simply existing in the same vicinity being “together”, Shintaro felt his eyes tear away from the dull glow of his phone screen and back to the boy, who was lying on his stomach on the rug. Even from a distance, Shintaro could make out the redness on the tips of his ears, could see the rise and fall of his back, could hear the slight wheeze to his breathing. It was around the tenth cough within the last 5 minutes that Shintaro grit his teeth and decided to speak up.

“You shouldn’t be on the floor,” He began lamely, which only elicited a dull stare from Kano in response. “I mean, you’re sick, aren’t you?”

Kano said nothing. Coughed once, then rolled over to face the wall with an annoyed sounding grunt that only succeeded in making Shintaro sort of regret having any sort of concern for his soulmate at all. Furrowing his brows, he groped around for one of the scratchy, generic sofa pillows and tossed it squarely at the back of the boy’s head. (To which Kano made no real response, just sort of grunted.)

“Hey. I’m talking to you. You’re sick, right? Sit on the couch or something.”

Shrugging, Kano rolled over to face him and clicked his tongue.

“You’re the one who got me sick.”

“I didn’t.”

Kano shrugged again, and the gesture was really starting to make Shintaro want to walk over and straighten out his shoulders so that they wouldn’t ever do that annoying motion ever again. The corners of his mouth twitched in irritation, and his eyes only barely followed when Kano sat up and smoothed down his sweater in a manner that would have been endearing if it was literally anyone else doing it.

“The rain got me sick, and you put me out into the rain, so by power of association,” Kano’s face twisted into something he was beginning to become accustomed to; one of his cat like smirks. “You did get me sick!”  
  
Maybe it was just because Ayano had this lovely, obnoxious habit of having anyone and everyone become confident and sure of themselves within the few hours after talking to her, but he before he could bite his tongue and swallow his words in an attempt to not push his apparently shy soulmate into a corner, Shintaro narrowed his gaze and spoke.  
  
“Ayano told me everything that I need to know about you,” He said, clicking his tongue and ignoring how Kano’s eyes widened in what he presumed was fear. The look didn’t quite suit him. “She told me about how this whole thing of yours?” Shintaro gestured to the boy’s person. “Is just a front. You know you didn’t get sick from that rain. You were probably sick before that. Hell, I don’t know. But it’s sure as shit not my fault.”

A wave of pride surged through him as he looked over Kano’s unreadable expression, and he couldn’t help the small smirk that came to his face.

It was wiped off quickly when Kano narrowed his eyes and sat up, amber hues flickering before that damned smile was returning with a vengeance.

“That smile is really scary, Shintaro! It’s no wonder you got a soulmate like me. How could you woo anyone else when that’s how you look when you’re happy?” He grinned, and stood up, stretching his arms above his head. “Not that I’m letting you woo me, that is. But I at least have the decency to not run away screaming when you make faces like that. That’s pretty lucky, wouldn’t you say?”

An overwhelming portion of him felt sort of like reaching over and pinching one of the boy’s cheeks, reddened with fever and all, just because  _how dare he, smiles took a lot of effort and it wasn’t his fault that he was no good at them._ Instead, he chose to grunt, and since Kano was being a dumb jerk, monopolize the couch while he was at it.

“I’m not like you. I can’t smile 24/7.”

“It’s an acquired skill! Practice, practice, practice. You can’t smile all the time if you don’t at least try!” Kano sang, and Shintaro raised an eyebrow as the other puttered around in the kitchen. Or so he assumed, based on the noises. There was a snicker. “Actually, don’t try. That would be scary.”

“You admit that your smiles are fake, then?”

The noises from the kitchen stopped, and there was a pregnant pause that held for so long that Shintaro was ready to leave the room in fear of the heavy atmosphere quickly enveloping everything. Before he could pack his bags and move to a faraway land, Kano was laughing from the opposite side of the room.

“I never said that! I’m one hundred percent happy, all the time! Although, with you being around, it has been rather trying on me,” He said, and the shuffling around the kitchen resumed. If Shintaro listened closely enough, it sounded like the boy was dragging his feet along the tiled floor. “Maybe you should work on being less invasive, huh? Especially considering how it took my sister to even get you to speak to me. That’s pretty cowardly. And you know, we’re not nearly close enough for you to be allowed to ask me how I’m feeling!”

Shintaro snorted.

“I don’t know how to break this to you, but usually things like that are considered small talk. You know. Like when you talk with friends?”

“Like you’d know anything about friends,” Kano responded immediately, and oh, the nausea in Shintaro’s gut was returning despite the fact that he had been trying to will it away for the entire night. Before he could even think of an intelligible remark to throw back and mask the sting, Kano was speaking again, and some small part of him was grateful, for deep inside, he knew the other had hit the nail on the head on that one. “And small talk isn’t actually talking. It’s just...”

Kano shuffled over to the bedroom door and slid down against the wood, bracing his head between his palms.

“They’re just phrases, aren’t they? Routines. No one wants to answer them. No one cares about the weather, really. No one cares how each other’s day actually went. They’re all just motions to go through, and none of them have any real point,” He explained, his eyes fluttering shut. Shintaro couldn’t help but stare. “They’re just there to get you used to the sound of the other person’s voice until you can determine something of worth to speak about. Or maybe they’re just there so everyone can pat themselves on the back about how caring and considerate they all are. I’ll have to get back to you on that.”

It was probably just something in the air, maybe a gas leak or something equally as dangerous, but the softness in Kano’s voice was soothing.

Yes, it was definitely a gas leak. The boy wouldn’t seem so small and relaxed if he wasn’t completely delusional, and although Kano was short and scrawny when he thought about it, he certainly wasn’t small in daily life, and he was so far away from relaxed that it scared him at times.

The blond kid, who was just barely inching on 5′5″, was never small. His boundless energy and wide grins made up for all of his presence, and although Shintaro was at least a half a foot taller than him, it was more often than not the other that was dwarfing him in comparison. The smiles, the heels of his boots, the long sleeves and tight jeans that he adorned engulfed everyone that he had encountered. His sister. Pet. Doctors. Friends. All of them had fallen prey to what he had assumed was the other’s naturally predatory aura, but in this light, with Kano’s eyes screwed shut and his brows furrowed in concentration, Shintaro found himself wondering if it was more of a costume than anything else.

There was nothing to shield him here now.

“Hey,” Shintaro whispered, and as the other peered open one eye, his resolve momentarily faltered. “What else are you hiding from me?”

Kano bit his lower lip, looked away, and turned back with another porcelain smile. It seemed fragile.

“That’s none of your business.”

When Kano stood, brushing himself off, Shintaro didn’t think twice about it. The door to the bedroom clicked shut much softer than he had imagined it would.

And much like the nights of the last few years, Shintaro was left alone with his thoughts, surrounded by four walls.

 

* * *

 

 The next morning, Shintaro woke up on the couch with a knot in his back the size of the entire damn continent of Australia.

That wasn’t his main concern, though.

Rather, it was the fact that Kano was next to him, on his phone, with a piece of cold pizza hanging out of his mouth. The boy’s eyes, which were still glazed over with sleep, seemed out of place, as there were absolutely no bags under his eyes at all. Shintaro hadn’t even known that it was possible for someone to wake up well rested.

Thankfully, Shintaro’s stomach growled rather loudly, preventing him from staring at the boy creepily for any amount of time longer than he had to. Kano jumped, clearly startled, before his expression smoothed back over.

“Was that the last piece?” He murmured sleepily, forcing himself to sit up and stretch before his back was permanently damaged. If he wasn’t careful, his spine would have to be removed, maybe, probably.

Kano looked him over, and he forced himself to ignore how the early morning sunrise made the other’s dumb, pretty eyes illuminate into brilliant shades of topaz and amber and whatever else kind of nouns you’d use to describe the colour of warmth.

“Yup,” That  _asshole_ said, and he chewed thoughtfully. “You can have the crust, I guess. I don’t like it.”

“Gross.”

“Fine, don’t eat, dear soulmate.”

“Gross.”

“Stop calling me gross. Your face is gross,” Kano murmured, and wiped the grease off of his fingers with a paper towel. “I’m too tired for you to be so Shintaro-y, so could you tone it down a few notches? Maybe try to be a decent human being or something?”

“What, are your little comments not ready to be at full force this early in the morning?” Shintaro said, a bit smug. “And you’re not eating that with a fork and a knife. What happened to that? I thought you said it was the worst thing ever to get your fingers all greasy?”

Kano narrowed his eyes, before locking gazes with him and running his tongue along the length of the remaining pizza crust, and sure, maybe if it was a girl or something, that would be arousing, but it was Kano, and that was  _disgusting_.

“Gross, Kano!” Shintaro snapped, moving to the armrest of the couch as the crust is tossed haphazardly into his lap. “That’s disgusting!”

Maybe it was his imagination, but he could have sworn that he heard the other laugh lightly, and by the time it registered, that soft laugh had dissolved into cat-like snickers that made him want to busy himself by tugging on Kano’s hair. (Not that he would, because A; It was clear that the boy had an aversion to touch that he couldn’t say he didn’t quite understand, B; That would require actually touching the other, and C; It would be a dick move, and Ayano made him promise to try not to do any of those.)

“If you’re not going to eat it, I’ll give it to our neighbors,” Kano said simply. “I’m sure they’d appreciate my half-eaten pizza crust.”

“They wouldn’t.”

“Rude.”

Despite himself, Shintaro found the hunger pangs to win easily over the disgust at consuming something that Kano had licked, and found himself chewing on the crust not more than a minute later.

“Why are you here, anyway?” Shintaro said between bites. Well, less like bites and more like nibbles. He was trying to stretch the small ration of food he had been given, after all.

Kano gave him a look.

“I live here.”

“No, why are you on the couch? You should still be in bed. It doesn’t have me there. And you can still eat there. Or literally anywhere else.” He said, paying no mind to how rude it must have sounded.

Again, Kano’s face twisted into a smile that was just the slightest bit off, something that he had began to identify as disgust.

“I’d get crumbs in the bed, which is really gross. That’s practically inviting bugs to come in and nest in your home!” He said, sticking out his tongue in concentration. “And I’m still sick, and you told me to sit here yesterday. Are you a liar, Shintaro?”

Shintaro huffed and popped the remainder of the crust into his mouth, speaking as he chewed. He didn’t attempt to hide how it made him feel almost prideful, the way Kano twitched in disgust as he spoke. (Was he a neat freak or something?)

“Just don’t touch me.”

“With pleasure.”

They stayed like that for a while.

At some point, Shintaro had dragged out his phone, swiping virtual cats to get virtual hairballs which he’d trade in for virtual cat toys. He didn’t even notice Kano move up from the couch until he was by the door, and the zipping of his boots gave him away.

“Where are you going?” He asked from the couch, turning around to peer at the boy.

“We have to get food or we’ll starve to death,” Kano said, his voice still laced with something that Shintaro assumed was sleep. It would have been endearing on literally anyone else. “Don’t worry. I probably won’t buy only cake. I can promise that with 45% certainty!”

“Those are terrible odds. And you don’t know what I like, so how are you going to go shopping?”

“I wasn’t planning on getting things that you like.”

Right, that should have been obvious. Shintaro nearly kicked himself.

“Fine, fine. I’ll get ready and come too,” Shintaro said, rising from the couch like a child being woken up by their mother on a school day. “You’ll poison the food if I don’t.”

Kano let out an exaggerated sigh and leaned against the lock.

“You have fifteen minutes before I leave without you and purchase every cake in the store,” Then he was pulling something out of his pocket, and  _shit, that was Shintaro’s wallet._ “All on you, of course!”

Shintaro stared at the object between the boy’s fingers, the majority of his body urging him to walk over and pick a fight with his  _soulmate_ , and the rest, well, the rest was just sort of sleepy and hungry, and wanted a shower.

The latter part won him over easily.

“I’ll be out in fifteen.” He grumbled, and tugged off his shirt, throwing it on the ground and stomping off. Kano sputtered something unintelligible as he left, though he didn’t feel like basking in the moment, because he really, really,  _really_ needed a shower.

He had read somewhere that one of the best ways to relieve stress was a warm shower. Shintaro crossed his fingers as he entered the warmth of the water, pushed back his locks and scrubbed with Kano’s strawberry scented shampoo. It was only fair. Kano had stolen his wallet, now he was stealing some shampoo. They were even now.

Probably.

* * *

By the time they returned home, it was 5 pm, and Shintaro was carrying several cakes in his arms. Kano was apparently, unfortunately, stronger than he looked, and somehow managed to lug an entire case of water, a sack of potatoes, and various other essentials the entire way home.

Everything was fine for the few minutes following their arrival.

Then there was a knock at the door, and he had never seen someone react to extremely to something as simple and mundane as a knock, but Kano nearly jumped five feet in the air before slowly sliding over to the door and opening it with very clear hesitation.

“Trick or treat!”

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

It was Halloween. How could he forget Halloween? That was probably why all of that candy was on sale at the store. Trick or treaters expected candy, and within the two seconds between Kano opening the door and the children, who were dressed as ghosts, speaking, his heart rate must have gone up by at least 100 beats per minute.

“Ah! I see! You are all so... Cute!” Kano said, and even from a distance, Shintaro could hear the strain in his voice. “Are you ghosts?”

“No, we’re marshmallows! See? We’re marshmallows, all squishy and sweet!” They sang in chorus, which was terrifying, and Kano must have thought so as well, because they were starting to sound more like a cult than a group of children trick or treaters.

The eldest... marshmallow bounced up and down.

“Trick or treat! Give us treats or we’ll trick you!” The child said, and Shintaro glared at the little thing from beyond the couch. Rude child. No candy for you, Shintaro thought vaguely. Even if they had had any, he wouldn’t give any to a kid like that.

“Yeah, of course...!” Kano said, turning around and grabbing a box of plastic bags from the top of the fridge. Before the children could get a good look at  _what_ he was giving them, Kano began shoving handfuls of plastic bags into their pumpkin shaped buckets, all with an unwavering smile. “Here, happy Halloween! Enjoy! You’re all so cute! Bye, now!”

And then Kano slammed the door shut on the poor children and slumped against it, looking more dead than alive.

He had never held more respect for the boy.

“It’s Halloween. We forgot that it’s Halloween,” Kano said quietly, burying his face in his hands and groaning loudly. “I knew we forgot something.”

Shintaro stared blankly up at the ceiling.

“I never liked Halloween, anyway.”

“Neither have I.”

The evening passed much like any other, except by the end of the night, they had run out of plastic bags.

 

* * *

 

 “Are you using my shampoo?”

Kano had posed the question two weeks after they moved in, and while he should have probably been expecting the question sooner or later, it had caught Shintaro completely off guard, and that was really unfair of him. You can’t just  _ask_ people if they’re using your shampoo. Deny it, Shintaro told himself. He needed to deny it.

“Yeah.”

Shit.

“Because it’s almost gone. You’re buying me another one,” Kano glared, and tossed the bottle and the remnants of the shampoo at Shintaro. “I never knew you liked strawberries so much! That’s kind of sad, seeing as I’ve been living with you for weeks now, and I still haven’t seen you consume even a single piece of fruit to date.”

Shintaro clucked his tongue as he puttered around the kitchen, busying his hands more than anything else. The coding was a lot of work. More often than not, he’d complain aloud that his fingers were starting to get sore, which would always prompt a very lewd comment from Kano about how he’d have to make sure his fingers recover for when he finally met his curvy, female soulmate.

It would always escalate from that point, and not once had Kano’s smile ever broken.

One step forward, two steps back.

“I hate the way strawberries smell,” Shintaro lied.

Kano raised an eyebrow, and his expression melted into yet another smirk. Shintaro braced for impact.

“Strange, seeing as you seem to have no problem stealing my shampoo and using it on your filthy, greasy hair.”

“My hair isn’t greasy,” He murmured, but ran his fingers through it just to make sure that it was just another one of Kano’s jabs. One check assured him that yes, it was. “And besides, that’s big talk for someone who has to hide the fact that he wears makeup everyday.”

Kano ran pale, and Shintaro rolled his eyes.

“You seriously think I didn’t notice all of those makeup wipes in the trash can? They’re all used. I found all of this foundation in my drawer, too. Is that why you’re so... smooth?”

Unbeknownst to him, what was intended to be a sour remark had turned into a genuine question, and from there, had only managed to turn into a somewhat creepy compliment.

Kano, who was now looking directly at the floor, seemed distracted for a reason that Shintaro couldn’t place, and if Shintaro looked in closely, the other was very clearly chewing on the inside of his cheek.

“Hey. Kano.”

The atmosphere was suddenly too thick, and he couldn’t quite place why. Shintaro absent-mindedly scratched the inside of his left wrist, just below his timer. He cleared his throat.

“I really don’t give a shit if you wear makeup,” He said, whipping out his phone, because there was no way he could look at the sight for sore eyes named Kano anymore. “So stop trying to hide it. There’s no point in keeping secrets around me. I’m smart. I’ll figure them out.”

There was a very long silence, and Shintaro tilted his head up from his phone, only to realise that somewhere along the way, Kano had seemingly disappeared into thin air, much like an escape artist. He was rather cat-like, now that Shintaro was thinking about it.

An unease settled into his stomach once more, and after a long moment of thinking, he began texting Ayano.

_[MSG: 11/17 9:57:56 PM]_

_ME: Ayano, does your brother wear makeup?_

_AYANO: :oo !!!! no?! does shuu-shuu wear makeup?? bc he would have told us if he had!!_

_ME: You’re sure about that?_

_AYANO: nope nope!! shuuzies said he’s pretty enough that he doesnt need makeup!!!_

_AYANO: hes right too!!!_

_AYANO: umummumumm yea but no i didnt kno he wore makeup ~o~_

_AYANO: why????_

_ME: No reason._

* * *

The next day, the makeup remover wipes from the trash can had mysteriously vanished, and although he had searched the entire bathroom for it, he couldn’t find the small tube of foundation anywhere.

* * *

_[MSG: 11/29 12:45:32 PM]_

_SHOULD HAVE BEEN A GIRL: what do you want to eat tonight_

_SHOULD HAVE BEEN A GIRL: probably a girl right ?? too bad!! pick a food or im leaving the restaurant and im gonna go to a bakery and get more cake_

_ME: Curry. With Egg._

_SHOULD HAVE BEEN A GIRL: they dont have that_

_ME: I’ll order it in._

_SHOULD HAVE BEEN A GIRL: ah how lazy_

_ME: I hate you._

_ME: By the way, are those all of your shirts? I went to do the laundry, but there’s no short sleeves._

_SHOULD HAVE BEEN A GIRL: sorrrrrrrrry i get cold super easily!!!! no short sleeves for me!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_ME: I guess you can buy short sleeves during Spring. It’s really weird that you don’t have any._

_ME: Are you sure that you don’t have any? You didn’t bring any shorts either._

_SHOULD HAVE BEEN A GIRL: heyeyyeyeyey shinshintarotaro._

_SHOULD HAVE BEEN A GIRL: Stop pushing it. Drop the subject._

_SHOULD HAVE BEEN A GIRL: or maybe ill just put in a red sock w ur white shirts!! pinktaro, right?_

 

* * *

 

      It happened on a Monday night.

Shintaro scratched at his left wrist. Again, and again, and again. And then once more for good measure.

Kano’s legs were very long, and very distracting.

And propped up against the back of the couch.

Right near his head, actually.

They had stopped arguing for long enough to agree on a mystery thriller movie that was playing on one of the few public stations their shitty, generic television set offered. (Shintaro had gone to pull out the channel guide from the drawer beneath the television, and was greeted with a bottle of lubricant and several wrapped condoms. Sputtering, he had called up the residency advisers downstairs and only managed to get out the words “lube” and “condoms” before a very attractive sounding woman laughed him off and explained that it was merely a service they offered for new residents. He had contemplated leaving the country after he hung up.)

“Get your legs away from me. They’re distracting me.” Shintaro grunted, shoving the boy’s jean clad legs away with the assistance of a throw pillow.

Kano hummed, looked him over for a moment, and then pressed a foot against his face, and continued to watch the flick.

“Your foot is gross. It smells terrible.” Actually, it didn’t smell bad at all. Kano showered a lot. Nonetheless, he groaned, smacking the foot away from his face.

He didn’t miss how the boy flinched as soon as his skin made contact with his, even through the fabric of his sock.

“Don’t touch me.” Kano huffed, though it was lacking the usual sting that it normally carried, and shied away to the opposite side of the couch.

“So you can touch me, but I can’t touch you? That’s hypocritical,” Shintaro commented dryly. There was a beat, and quickly, he began to backtrack before the words could set in. “Not that I would want to touch you, anyway.”

“I know you don’t want to touch me. You only want to touch girls.”

Looking over at the boy, Shintaro narrowed his eyes, and reached over to pick up the remote. Thinking back on it, maybe it was his fault. It wouldn’t have happened if he had just let the comment pass. But at the time, such a passive action was impossible for the most passively active person to possibly ever exist.

“I like... boys,” He managed to get out after a brief pause. “Just not whiny blond kids who act like assholes and hide everything from me.”

Kano reached over, pausing the movie. There was that dangerous glint in his eyes again, the one that flashed every time he dished out a cutting remark, but this time, it was less of a flash of light and more of a slow burn.

“Why should I tell you anything about me?” The boy spat. “You don’t even know me. You don’t know anything about me.”

“I know enough about you,” Shintaro retorted, clutching his wrist. “I know plenty about you. I know you wear makeup even though you still pretend like you don’t, I know you only own long sleeved shirts and that you don’t own any shorts, and I know that even though you like to pretend that you get up early because of your body clock, you set an alarm for 7 in the morning, every morning. I share that closet with you. We switch off using the bed. I know more than you think. I’m not stupid.” He snarled, and maybe he should’ve stopped, maybe he really should have stopped and left before things got worse.

Of course, he was never the best with people.

“What are you trying to hide? It’s sort of pathetic. We live together,” Shintaro glared. “Act like an adult.”

He knew he was screwed when Kano began to speak, the sort of smooth tone that he took when he was  _really, really pissed off._  

“We don’t  _live_ together,” Kano smiled. “We  _exist_ in the same vicinity. That’s all. Do you think that you mean anything at all to me? You won’t tell me anything, either. All you do is sit here and whine about how much better your life would have been if you had only gotten a girl instead of me. Do you really think that’s how you charm someone, hm, Shintaro? No one wants to hear-” Shintaro thought that, maybe, Kano’s voice cracked here, but he wasn’t quite sure. “About how  _terrible_ fate was to them. I don’t want to hear it. I didn’t ask for this either. You want to know what it’s like to have someone look at you every day like fate made a mistake? Take a look in the mirror, Kisaragi.” He spat, standing from his spot on the couch to clench his fists near his waist.

The window reflected his appearance, and as Shintaro could see it from where he was standing, he moved away anxiously.

“Fine! Look, Kano. I’ve been an asshole,” Shintaro said, folding his arms. It hurt to admit, that was for sure, but even more than that, he wouldn’t get anywhere if he wasn’t willing to admit his mistakes. “But so have you! I can’t go a damn day without feeling uncomfortable around you. I didn’t even want to get a guy soulmate in the first place, and you keep talking to me like I’m rejecting  _you,_ not the entire shitty situation that these stupid timers put us in. You keep giving me these... these looks, and these little snarks, and it really makes me want to...”  
  
“What?” Kano snapped, finally seeming to come to his senses, as he had seemingly tuned out all of Shintaro’s apology.. A wide grin adorned his features. “What does it make you want to do?”  
  
Shintaro stood, and as soon as he opened his mouth to speak, Kano cut him off with a sharp laugh that reminded him of glass shattering.  
  
“Hurt me? Kill me? What does it make you want to do?” His smile doesn’t falter, and Shintaro’s stomach must have dropped by at least a foot because the tone in the other’s voice was making the room spin. Dizzying, noxious, toxic words only continued to slip out of the other’s lips. “Tell me, Shintaro! Have you ever thought of beating me down until I’m bloodless on the floor?”  
  
When Shintaro doesn’t respond, because _of course not, why would anyone think that?_ Kano must have taken it as a cue to continue speaking although at this point, he had heard enough, and really, if Ayano was lying to him about Kano being this shy, secretive little creature, he was probably going to have to send her a very strongly worded text later.  
  
“How about killing me? Huh?” Kano grinned. “How would you do it? A knife, maybe? It’s fitting, right? Since I ruined your life?”

Shintaro sputtered, shaking his head and reaching for one of the boy’s shoulders in an attempt to shake whatever had gotten into him out by force, and predictably, Kano skittered away, backed himself against the wall, his smile dropping for a fraction of a second before smoothing over a fresh coat of polish and returning. The sudden shift nearly gave him whiplash.

The worst part was likely not Kano’s terrifyingly dissonant smile, nor the poisonous words flowing from the other’s mouth like a faulty rig that had let loose thick, dark oil into seawater.

No, more than anything, it was likely that Shintaro wasn’t entirely surprised by Kano’s outburst.

“What the  _hell_ are you talking about, Kano?” He spat out and stood, the strain on his horribly weak legs enough to keep him anchored firmly to the ground despite the burn in his lungs and the trembling of his thighs. “I’m not going to hurt you! What kind of person do you think I am? Do you really think I’m going to do those things?”

“I-” Kano growled, and Shintaro could see the tension in him about to snap like a tightly wrapped coil, only a moment later releasing as the younger’s body went lax. “I don’t know. I don’t know.”

The door slammed when Kano ran out, and it was only the loud burst and the heavy clunk of metal that managed to bring Shintaro back to his senses.

He scratched his left wrist. Again, again, again, why was it so damn itchy?

As Shintaro pulled himself together, he removed his clothes and tossed them on the ground just outside of the bathroom door. Kano would be freaking out and tossing them into a hamper. If he was there.

Would he come back? Another wave of nausea passed through him, and it was becoming rather terrifying how he was starting to get used to the feeling of light-headedness that accompanied them.

Of course Kano would come back.

He probably just needed some time.

That was what he told himself, and he told himself this again and again and again and once more, as he lathered up his hair with strawberry scented shampoo and scrubbed his body with the boyish body wash that he had used countlessly over the years.

Kano would definitely come back.

Yet, despite this, there was another concern plaguing him, namely the itch on his wrist that just wouldn’t go away.

Shintaro was reaching out to turn off the faucet when he saw it.

Right beneath the stagnant zeroes that were faintly glowing, were always faintly glowing, was another set of numbers. They weren’t nearly as large as the zeroes, and the more he stared at them, he recognized them as more of a peach shade than a luminescent white.

And they were counting down.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to that one anon on tumblr that sent me two messages a week apart that said "Please update enlightenment" and nothing else, this ONE'S FOR YOU, BUDDY
> 
> the college stress is almost over, and i have a litttttle more time to . yknow. do stuff. like write.
> 
> thank you so, so much for everything. i love you guys. enjoy

The numbers seemed to be beating in time with his pulse, little succinct ka-thumps that were starting to make his head spin the longer he continued to look at them. Not that that stopped Shintaro from staring at them for upwards of five minutes, scratching and clawing at the digits along his wrist like some sort of bad temporary tattoo that would just come off if he just scratched hard enough.  
  
The numbers remained stubbornly in place.  
  
Shintaro watched them tick down, and with every passing tick, his hands began to tremble more and more until he was flat out shaking in fear, anxiousness, he wasn't sure what.  
  
Stumbling over to the sink, Shintaro groped for the faucet and turned up the water to its highest possible heat setting, until the liquid felt more like lava than really hot water.

  
His skin turned red and itched even more after that, but the numbers still remained.

Staring at his now injured, scalded skin, Shintaro blinked, tried to will the very obvious figment of his imagination away, because, hey, only soulmate timers could exist, right? From what he had been told in health class, anyway. There was nothing about the abomination on his wrist that had been said. Nothing about any other sort of timer. Hell, nothing about weird looking soulmate timers, either. And nothing about an extra soulmate timer just appearing out of nowhere, uninvited.

And yet, it didn’t move. Despite everything, the numbers stayed.

While the numbers stayed, Shintaro certainly didn’t, nearly tripping over his own feet to get to the door and fumble with his shoes and tie the knots and open the door and lock the door and get down the elevator and stumble into the full parking lot and run and run and run and run and run until his legs felt like jelly. Weak, floppy, disgusting jelly.

The air that night had felt much colder than others of that week, or even that of the past month. Generally speaking, it had been a fairly mild November, and it was shaping up to be a December of about the same caliber. But not that night, of course not, because why would the universe throw Shintaro a bone, even in this one instance? It certainly never had before. Not during middle school, not during his shut-in days, and mostly definitely not when he had found his soulmate. Breathing heavily against the late Autumn air, Shintaro ran and ran and ran until his legs simply couldn’t carry him anymore.

They threatened to give out right where he stood, and when he looked up, Shintaro briefly wondered if he was hallucinating.

His house. Rather, what had been his house, before he had moved in with Kano.

Shintaro could laugh. Out of all places, without thinking, he had just run here. Like a scared little kid running back home to Momma. (The worst part was, the description wasn’t entirely inaccurate. Whether by exhaustion or terror, Shintaro’s heart was beating at least a million miles an hour and threatening to deafen him with how loud it was becoming.)

In the first stroke of good luck that he’d had in a while, the door was unlocked when he tugged on it, and the house smelled of the butterscotch cinnamon pies his mother used to make when he was younger. (In its own way, the scent surprised him a bit. She hadn’t made them since his father had died. They used to be his favourite, and when he drowned, so did she.) Stumbling over to the nearest comfortable fabric, he couldn’t even be bothered to wake anyone up, or get to a bed, and instead collapsed onto the soft upholstery of the living room couch. Face first, head down.

It was only a matter of minutes before Shintaro fell asleep, despite the temptation to change out of his now sweaty clothes, or get a drink of water. Sleep was far more appealing.

* * *

 

The next morning, Shintaro found a blanket draped over his limp, pathetic body.

He sat up, and was momentarily confused before the memories of the night previous came flooding back.

Just to be sure, his eyes instinctively moved down to his left wrist, and tugged down on the sleeve to take a peek at his wrist. Sure enough, the numbers were still there. Still ticking down. Still mocking him. Shintaro watched them for exactly 26 seconds, and he had known the exact time because they had counted down by 26. Bitterly, Shintaro wondered if this new, shiny timer could function as a timer to make frozen meals with. If the kitchen timer was broken, couldn’t he just keep an eye on his wrist? Despite himself, he couldn’t help but crack a weak grin at the thought.

The house now smelled like those breakfasts his mom would make for him after a particularly bad evening of nightmares. To be more frank, it smelled exactly like butter frying and coffee brewing. The scent of cinnamon still lingered, just the same as ever, but with the scent of food wafting around the room, Shintaro felt his stomach do flips.

His legs were still aching from all of the running, but somehow, Shintaro managed to pull himself up from his very comfortable spot on the couch and shuffle over to the kitchen. His mom was there, with the same apron she had always worn, and when she turned around, he noticed that she still pinned her hair back in the same way she always had before.

“Honey...” His mom said, with her eyes soft and filled with the warmth that he had so desperately missed, and Shintaro felt his chest tighten. She opened her arms and walked towards him, and that was all the incentive Shintaro needed to stumble forwards and collapse into her warm embrace.

“Mom,” Shintaro managed to get out in response, and it sounded like more of a choked laugh than anything else. “Mom...”

Stroking his hair, she hummed and held him tightly, nicely allowing him to bury his face into her shoulder, although she was much shorter than he was.

“Shintaro...” She said softly, and rubbed his back. “Your breakfast is on the table.”

He broke the hug to turn his head, and sure enough, there was a full plate sitting by his spot on the table. Shintaro’s stomach growled, and about then, he decided that motherly love could wait until after he had eaten breakfast. His mother practically pushed him to the table and shoved a fork into his hand, and then she  began darting around the kitchen for a clean mug to pour some coffee for him. She set the cup in front of him, and asked if he wanted any sweetener, and if he did, what kind, but Shintaro could only nod dumbly and drink the black liquid straight from the cup before he remembered that he really, really didn’t like coffee.

By that point, it was already too late to turn the cup away, though, and honestly, he was exhausted from his run and sleep on the couch. Shintaro drank the entire mug before his mom even had a chance to return with any creamer. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see his mom watching him drink, and then slowly put the carton back in the fridge.

“Shintaro,” She cooed, and turned off the stove to go and sit in the seat next to him. “You’re home early. I was hoping the next time you’d come home, you’d have news of an engagement.”

“Don’t say that, please...” Shintaro groaned, and closed his eyes, tapping the fork to the top of the omelette and taking his first bite.

As soon as he began to chew, his entire childhood began rushing into his head in clear, perfect memories, and when he swallowed, it tasted so much like home, that Shintaro nearly choked.

It tasted like _home_.

Home had been something he had dearly missed over the past few weeks. It was only now that he was really starting to realise it.

“Is it okay?” His mom asked, and reached out to rub his back. “I tried to put a lot of vegetables in the middle. With the way you are, I’m sure you haven’t exactly been the healthiest eater without me.”

Shintaro nodded, and couldn’t say anything else.

His mom continued to rub his back, and that only made him want to cry more.

“Are you having fun, at least?”

He could have laughed. Having fun? Did he look like the cheeriest of people, really? Instead of making some sort of sarcastic remark, Shintaro shook his head.

“We... Uh, we don’t really get along, him and I,” Shintaro admitted, and began to shovel food into his mouth at an alarming rate, speaking with a full mouth that earned him a glare from his mother, at which point, he closed his mouth, and finished chewing and swallowing before speaking again. “He’s a little bit of a jerk, honestly.”

Her eyes narrowed.

“Are you sure about that, sweetie?” She asked, and continued to rub his back despite her clear skepticism at his claim. “Are you sure that maybe you’re not just taking his remarks personally? You tend to do that sometimes.”

“I’m sure!” Shintaro said, and as he finished up the last few bites of his omelette, let the fork go clanking down against his plate. Standing, his mom reached over and grabbed the plate, walking it over to the sink and dumping it in. She sat back down a moment later, and Shintaro began to feel guilty about making her do all of the work, but then she opened her mouth again, and tucked a strand of hair back into her headband.

“Is that why you’re here? To get away from him?” She frowned, and Shintaro quickly shakes his head and tugs his sleeve up to show her his left wrist. A very prominent part of him had wanted to get away from his soulmate anyway, even for just a bit, but if it weren’t for the small timer showing up on his skin, he likely would have ignored the urges and instead immersed himself into the world of coding and games and music and everything that didn’t involve a certain blond child.

“No! No, no... It’s because of this,” Shintaro explained, and now that he was actually showing someone, he wasn’t quite sure how to describe it. It took several sputters and ‘um’s before he managed to get another coherent sentence out. “It’s this. I... It just showed up, and I don’t know what it is. Last night, I was showering, and it just showed up on my wrist, and it’s counting down now, and I don’t know, I just... I panicked. Uh, it’s probably... nothing. I mean, no, that’s not right, it’s definitely _something_ , but I just don’t know what it is, y’know...? I don’t remember anything like this in health class, and I haven’t looked it up yet, but I don’t know... I just got nervous, and... Yeah.”

With a few more breaths, Shintaro watched his mother's eyes move from his veins to the stagnant timer than had already run its course, to the new, small timer. Pupils dilated, she reached out and grabbed him, yanking him over in what's an admittedly harsh manner. He yelped as her filed nails ghosted over the white pulses of the timer, and as she stared, pressed her fingers to the beats.

"This happened last night?" His mother asked, watching him carefully. Her breathing seemed irregular, but only if Shintaro really focused.

"Last night? Yeah, yeah, it was last night." Shintaro sat up straight and nodded, and with another tug, she was pulling him closer, examining him with an almost embarrassing scrutiny.

His mother was never caught off guard. In his 20 years of life, nothing had ever happened that seemed to surprise her.

At least, not until now.

"Shintaro, sweetie," She said, and moved to grip his hands tightly. They were warm. His mother's eyes darted between him and the table, until finally, she let go, and moved to stand up. "Let me... make some tea for us."

There it was, a tactic that she'd used ever since his childhood to break bad news to him. It had started when his teachers first suggested that maybe he should switch into a class for the damaged goods children, the ones who were doomed to live their entire lives alone, with maybe one person to lick their wounds clean. She had suggested tea once more when his father was found washed up, bloated and blue on the shore of the Pacific.

Shintaro felt his chest turn to cotton, and he stood just as she moved to grab the kettle.

"No, no, Mom, please... Just tell me..." He said, maybe begged, and his voice sounded broken, even to him. "What's going to happen to me...?"

His mother watched him, looked him over, as if she was weighing her options, before deflating like a balloon and taking both of his hands in her own. The tenderness behind the action was terrifying. And then she sat down, her eyes filled with something that he couldn't quite understand, but somehow fully understood, and spoke.

"Your father," His mother began, and shut her eyes, hesitating for a moment before continuing to speak. "About three months before he died, I noticed something strange happen. There was a timer on my wrist, and it wasn't the same as anything that I had before. None of my friends had ever seen the timer, no matter how many I showed it to. They all told me to go to a doctor."

Shintaro's heart was sinking by the word.

"And when I did, she knew what it was, though it was a rare case. It's something of an anomaly among people nowadays, but something about our blood just makes us more susceptible to this sort of thing," She continued, and laughed slightly, forced. His mother really, really had never acted like this before, and honestly, Shintaro was a little bit terrified. He gulped, and urged her to continue speaking. "Subtimers. They count down to a "specific event", after you've already had a main timer run out."

"A specific event...?" Shintaro's eyes narrowed as she spoke, and leaned closer to her. A "specific event" could mean anything, from funerals, to birthdays, to the eviction from their apartment due to lack of rent, which was really starting to become a possibility, considering how demanding some of his clients were starting to become. "Like... a party?"

She gave him a sad smile.

"Think bigger, dear. What happened to me, to him... To our family... That's the kind of event I'm talking about," His mother tapped his wrist. "And that's the sort of thing that this timer will bring for you as well. I can't say exactly what it is, but... Have you noticed anything odd with him recently? They're usually something like a birth, but seeing as neither of you can become pregnant..."

It's not much longer before the puzzle pieces click into place and Shintaro's mind began to race a million miles an hour. Kano had been acting strange, yes, but he had just assumed that it was because, well, the kid was pretty fucking weird, to be honest. Someone who refused to buy lemon scented soap because it's "bad luck to buy soap the same colour as your hair" wasn't a person who fell into the definition of a boy next door. And expanding on that, Kano also refused to drink the grape flavours of powdered drink mixes, because he thought that the way the grape flavour tasted was "actually cough medicine".

It would be a cute quirk for anyone else, but this was Kano, so no, it wasn't cute at all. And besides, he was supposed to be angry at the kid at the moment, after the stunt he had pulled last night, just running off into the darkness like that.

Kano wasn’t just odd in those ways, though, of course not. There was the makeup, and the long sleeves, and threads of bandages hanging out from under the fabric of the sleeves of his shirt if Shintaro really focused, and he had tendencies to snap at the most particular things, and this whole soulmate thing was way, way more trouble than it was worth.

... But the strange part was, Shintaro really, honestly didn't feel angry at all, despite how Kano just ran out of the apartment, without his phone, no less, as he had noted just barely as he left.

Mostly, he was just worried.

Which he really shouldn't be feeling, considering how Kano's stated multiple times how little he actually cared for him, and he was still a jerk, and still a brat, and still a kid, but maybe it was the soothing atmosphere surrounding his mother that was making him begin to wonder if his soulmate was alright.

Slowly, Shintaro shook his head, and paused, then began to nod, pieces clicking into place in his mind, trying to force all of the information about Kano that he had painstakingly acquired into a broken, melted mold. (It didn’t work. Nothing lined up.)

"Everything about him is odd, you know? Kano has a lot of quirks...” He trailed off, his eyes closing briefly. The heavy weight of his mother’s stare never left him, and when he opened his eyes, she seemed four feet closer, urging him to continue.

“He’s kind of quiet, honestly...” Shintaro began, and when he was being pressed for details like this, he had this strange tendency to forget almost every single detail about the subject in question. “He’s pretty secretive. I know the basics, but not too much more... He doesn’t like to be touched. And he’s pretty nice to strangers, but that’s not really a secret...”

For two people who had been living together for over a month, they sure didn’t know much about each other. That may have been partially his fault, but hell if he was going to shoulder all the blame for this.

“Is that really all you know?” His mother asked, and that worried look on her face softened temporarily to what Shintaro could only determine was a slightly amused expression. “He sounds like you.”

Shintaro balked, sputtering, shaking his head, before going limp and waiting for his mother to continue, because by the way she was slightly biting her lip and reaching out her hand to grab his wrist, she clearly wasn’t done.

“Honey. You know that I love you, don’t you?” When he nodded in agreement, his mother placed her hand on top of his. “But you’re not the best at interacting with others. I’m sure that you know more about Kano than that. Come on. What else have you noticed about him?”

All of this seemed sort of pointless, but Shintaro thought about it anyway, and furrowed his brows. Definitely not because he was irritated with that comment about not being good with people, no, definitely not. It took a long moment before he managed to speak up, his voice weaker than usual, not that it was ever strong to begin with.

“He likes sweet things. And he likes cats, and he takes long showers and hates horror movies,” Shintaro began. “I’m just guessing that he hates horror movies, though. He said that he liked them, and told me that I was being a baby when I got nervous, but then he had an _emergency_ that he suddenly needed to take care of the second the first ghost showed up, so...”

It was endearing. Painfully, sickeningly endearing.

(But it was Kano. It was nothing of the sort.)

The way that he tiptoed around the apartment like it was his very own coffin was unsettling to say the least, and it certainly didn’t help that a good portion of the time, Kano spent outside, going for long walks and leaving notes around the house to let him know where he was heading. If he was in a good, or rather, a _better_ mood, he’d sometimes ask Shintaro what kind of chips they should get for later. And if he wasn’t, well, that was when the bitterness seeped through his voice and stained their cream coloured carpet, remarks with just enough poison to sting and burn his open wounds, and Shintaro would make jabs in return, disparaging comments that he’d regret later, but neither of them would apologise. Kano would return, shower, sleep, and the next day, they’d stay quiet before gradually slipping back into their normal routine.

It was normal.

Not good, but normal, at least for them.

Shintaro let out what he thought was a light sigh, but when he locked eyes with his mother, she narrowed her gaze on him and squeezed his hand.

“I actually meant if you knew whether he had any sort of disease, or other health problem,” She said, frowning, her voice delicate. “If he does, you may have a chance to medicate it a bit more to try and avoid the timer, but I’ve never seen that done before.”

The room was still, and although the window was open, it was too hot. Far too hot.

Shintaro shook his head again. At this point he was beginning to feel more like a broken bobble head than anything. Except a bobble head that shook its head to the left and right instead of up and down. Was that really even a bobble head anymore? He wasn’t sure. A second passed, and about then, Shintaro decided that he must really be going off the deep end if he was actually sitting and thinking about his relationship with bobble heads. It was probably due to stress, no, definitely, but there was absolutely no way that he’d admit that, not when a small part of him already knew what his mother was getting at.

Instead of elaborating, his mother just looked at him with broken eyes.

“You know what this means, don’t you?”

Of course he did.

It was disgusting, how immediately, his thoughts rushed to the idea of a life without Kano. There were people who could live and date after their true soulmates died. The relationships weren’t always good, but they could live normally. With Kano out of the way, the opportunity for that sort of life was right there.

Shintaro ran his thumb along the numbers, his throat drying as he watched them tick down.

Those digits could very well be his ticket to a new life. The life he was meant to have. Normal. Normal. Normal. A wife, 2.5 children, a puppy, a house with a white picket fence and normal friends who would go out on double dates with them at times and set up play dates for their sticky, smelly kids to play together.

It struck him as unsettling how, in this fantasy, his wife had no face.

“How are you feeling?” She asked, squeezing him. “I know that you don’t know everything about him yet, but you were created as soulmates for a reason. I’m sure that before that timer runs out, you’ll see why you both were chosen.”

“I’m fine,” Shintaro said, sure of himself. One hundred percent sure. Not torn at all. “I’m fine. This... This is alright. I can date after this, right...? I still have a chance.”

His mother gave him a funny look.

“What do you mean?”

Shintaro stood, pushing his chair out with both hands and carrying the leftover silverware to the sink, dumping it into the left side of the sink- the side with the garbage disposal- before catching himself and moving it to the right.

“Maybe this will be better, right? We’ve never gotten along that well. He doesn’t like me anyway. After this timer runs out, I can go and try again. Go against fate,” Shintaro said stiffly. “You’ve told me to be a little more daring. Maybe this was meant to happen.”

There was silence, no motion in the room except for the deep inhales from the other, and the shuffling of fabric, the scraping of the wooden legs as she pushed in the chair. Shintaro turned to face her, and inched backwards just a bit when she approached, eyes like glass. Her hand reached upwards to gently caress his face, with her calloused calloused palms and her fingertips pruned from the time soaking in the dishwater.

“Shintaro...”

He gulped.

“Mom?”

She watched him for a moment before abruptly pinching his cheek, taking his skin roughly between her index finger and thumb, and god, she’s small and doesn’t have a lot of muscle, really, but she can pinch _hard._  Yelping in pain, Shintaro instinctively jumped backwards, hitting the counter top, which in turn, made his back hurt, and really, this was the worst day of his life. There was probably going to be a bruise there later. And then he’d forget about it and touch it by accident, and that would suck. 

“Mom!” Shintaro managed to get out, his voice faltering slightly as he brought a hand to his cheek in what’s partly self-defense, partly to coddle his poor, red face.

“Don’t you ever say something like that. That’s not the boy I raised,” She scolded him, folding her arms across her chest. “Your father raised you to be better than that. It’s because of him that I can keep going now, and it’s because of him that I have the two most wonderful children that I could have ever asked for. He may not be here anymore, but I can still feel him. I wouldn’t have traded my time your father for the world, and every time I see the ocean, I can feel my wrist burning.”

(His mother’s voice was starting to waver a bit, her fingers anxiously spinning her wedding ring.)

“Don’t you dare waste the time that you have with Kano. If he leaves you...” Her eyes drifted to the subtimer on his wrist. “You’ll never feel the same again. You're soulmates. Find out why. You don’t just owe it to him, but to yourself.”

Shintaro locked gazes with his mother, and if she had seemed different earlier, nothing could compare to her raw emotion that she was laying out for him now, and he had really, really never seen her like this before.

Everyone was human, he supposed, even a rock like his mother.

The timer on his wrist stung a bit with every digit that flickered down.

“Kano probably doesn’t know, does he...?” Shintaro laughed quietly, brushing his fingers back through his hair. “He probably has no clue that he’s going to die.”

“He might not die.”

“He will, Mom. You know he will. We can’t have kids or anything, and even if we could, this timer expires in four months.” He said. “Kano’s going to die, and all I could think about was how I could get a girlfriend after he left.”

What a disgusting person. That must be one of the _other_ reasons that Kano disliked him so much.

The more Shintaro thought about it, the more he saw himself through Kano’s eyes. First, he gets a soulmate that outright rejects him and the validity of their timers, second, his soulmate isn’t even _cool_ , or handsome for that matter, and is really a huge jerk, and finally, he dies. The entire timeline of his life upon meeting Shintaro was more than just upsetting; it was downright horrible. And it was probably just because of his mother’s overwhelming presence, but Shintaro didn’t find the idea of letting Kano die hating his soulmate very appealing.

“Intrusive thoughts,” His mother quickly explained, grabbing her keys before walking over to Shintaro and tapping her temple. “They happen to everyone, dear. What shows your true personality is if you recoil at the thought.”

“I definitely feel gross... A little worse than gross, actually.” Shintaro murmured.

His mother gave him a sad smile, and motioned for him to follow her, to which he did, like a lost puppy.

“If you want to fix this, you need to go home and actually talk to him,” She said, pulling him out the front door. “I can drive you home. You looked so ridiculous last night. With your wet hair, oh, that reminds me of a time when you were little! It was picture day in your school, but you were late, so you ran across the lawn to try and get to your class, and the sprinklers... Oh, dear, you really were a cute child.”

Shintaro really didn’t have any memory of that every happening, but his mother certainly seemed happier, and that was enough to make him smile.

“I must have looked like a wet puppy.”

“You did! Your father, too, he said that you looked like one of those dogs...” She trailed off briefly. “One of those dogs with the long fur. The ones that look like feather dusters.”

“Feather dogsters.”

Laughing, his mother looked away, unlocking the door and leaving it open for him.

“You know, you really do remind me of him. Your father, that is.”

That was impossible, but she seemed to like it, and after awkwardly clearing his throat, his mother stood up and left the car.

“I’ll go get you a pie to bring home to him. As a peace offering.”

She was gone after that, and while Shintaro was left alone in the car with his thoughts, the parallels between himself and his father never really came into his grasp, but the fact that the bond between his parents was so unshakable, even after death, made his thoughts drift to Kano and his annoyingly shitty personality, his golden ash hair, his amber eyes, his laughably bad puns, and how he was going to die in four months.

* * *

 

The door behind him slammed shut when he came into the apartment, his hands full with tupperware containers filled to the very tops with pie, the whipped cream smearing against the lid.

Shintaro gulped as he carefully removed his shoes, undoing the laces very _slowly_ , stalling for time in any way possible, before he was assaulted by the scent of food.

Real, honest to god, food.

Even just by a little bit, the knot in his stomach faded momentarily.

Kano was home. Home.

Or maybe not home, but at their house. A home and a house were two very different things.

Kicking off his shoes, Shintaro carried the containers to the kitchen, gripping the sides tightly, so as to not drop it like an idiot and fall on his face, because with his luck, that would be exactly what would happen, and then he’d probably die on the kitchen floor and Kano would just sit there for four months straight probably and then die too.

... Probably.

“Kano?” Shintaro cleared his throat, setting the tupperware on the counter. “Are you here?”

The stove was on, and there was what looked to be an omelette absolutely overflowing with cheese frying in their discount pan. That could only mean that either Kano was back and cooking himself up some breakfast, or they had burglars who had unresolved aspirations of being five star chefs.

“Shintaro? That’s you, right?” A voice came from the bedroom, and with a bit of rustling of fabric, Kano emerged from the bedroom door, his hair disheveled and his sweatpants a light shade of grey. As usual, he had on long sleeves.

It was cute, Shintaro had to admit, but it wasn’t like Kano hadn’t been attractive before, it was just that he was a bit too focused on the other... endearing aspects of his personality to really take note of how Kano’s general colour scheme was honey and onyx, brilliant shades that made his head spin when the light hit him at just the right time.

Or maybe he was just tired from lack of a good night’s sleep. Yeah. That was probably it.

“Look, Kano,” He began, not even waiting for the other to get in a single word before beginning to explain himself the best he could. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry about how I acted last night. I shouldn’t have pushed you like that.”

Seemingly taken aback by Shintaro’s apology, Kano nodded slowly, eyes wider than usual, but when he opened his mouth to speak, Shintaro cut him off again.

“You don’t have to tell me anything that you don’t want to, okay? I get it. There are things that we all want to keep to ourselves.” Shintaro said, looking down. The thoughts of pills and knives and rope came to mind. “And you’re my soulmate, for some strange reason, so I’m going to try harder. We were chosen for a reason, right?”

Kano stared at him, blinked several times, glanced around the room in what Shintaro could only assume was a nervous tick, or maybe a way of detaching himself from the situation. Then, just when Shintaro was about to quietly slip out of the room in embarrassment, he spoke.

“Wow, Shintaro... Were you reading some books on how to repair the relationships in your life, or something?” Kano grinned sheepishly, looking away. His hand rubbed at the back of his head.

“Depends, how am I doing?”

The other snickered, or maybe not _snickered_ , because that wasn’t quite the right word. It was a laugh. Quiet, light, but it was there.

“Well, that depends. Bow down and maybe I’ll forgive you!” Kano grinned- _grinned_ \- before waving himself off and continuing. “Just kidding. But really, I was going to apologise, too. I acted strangely last night, and I’m sorry. Seriously.”

For all of the shit that he had done before, Kano had never outright apologised for it, and really, Shintaro had to wonder where he had gone last night that made him come back with a change of heart.

Maybe to Ayano? His own mother, perhaps?

It wasn’t really any of his business. Not yet, anyway.

“I get it. We both made mistakes. But I’m willing to work at this if you are, you know...?” Shintaro said, hesitantly extending his hand to Kano, making sure to keep it at a far enough distance from the boy so that it wouldn’t seem threatening. (He hoped.) “I’m sorry.”

Kano stared, his pupils darting from Shintaro’s face to his hand, and with a shaking grip, he slowly, so, so slowly reached out and shook his hand.

“Let’s try this again. That was my mom’s catchphrase, you know,” His soulmate hummed. Kano’s hand was soft. A moment passed, and the other took back his hand, but to his credit, he didn’t wipe it off on his clothes or anything like that.

“Ayano said that your mom’s catchphrase was ‘slow and steady wins the race’, though.”

Kano gave a heaving sigh, and began to walk towards the kitchen, stretching widely.

“Wrong mom.”

Shintaro followed his movements, and thought about the other’s remark only momentarily before deciding that certain things may be better left unsaid.

The sizzle of the pan snapped him out of his thoughts, and as he looked up, Kano flipped the the omelette, letting it stay on the heat for another moment before sliding it onto two plates, cutting it in half.

“I made breakfast.” Kano said, and walked over, sliding a plate to Shintaro, to which he didn’t have the heart to tell him that he had already eaten an omelette that very morning, less than two hours ago.

“I brought home some pie from my mom,” Shintaro nodded, after appropriately thanking the other for the food. “She wants to meet you sometime. If you’re up for that.”

Kano shrugged, chewing on the tines of his fork, before ultimately nodding and digging into his food.

“I wouldn’t mind that. I already met your sister, after all. I might as well meet the rest of the Kisaragi clan!”

Shintaro clicked his tongue, merely observing the other eat before their gazes met and he immediately snapped his head away. It was rather odd to see Kano act like this- He wasn’t exactly subdued, or even calm, really. Not judging by the way he was jiggling his leg, at least. But there was something about that Kano that was different, and it wasn’t the lack of insults.

“You wanna watch a movie tonight?” Shintaro offered, the words falling out of his mouth. “I’ll order pizza. We can eat the pie for dessert.”

There was only several seconds of pause before Kano nodded, his mouth full. And considering how things had been going before, that was a huge improvement. His heart almost swelled. (Almost.)

Picking up his fork, Shintaro twirled it around in his fingers momentarily, hovering over the breakfast, partly because he was still pretty full, but mostly because he had no idea if Kano’s omelettes would bring the third plague unto him or not.

“I didn’t poison it. Just eat the thing already, okay? I promise, it’s good! I only eat good food.”

That last detail was very true- Shintaro had tried to cook once, and, well, long story short, Kano slept on the balcony that night.

Nodding to the other, Shintaro broke a corner of the omelette off, bringing it to his mouth and chewing thoughtfully, the breath being sucked from his lungs the moment he recognized the taste.

It tasted like _home_.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW SUICIDE MENT FOR THIS CHAPTER
> 
> although, im assuming that if you're into kagepro, then you know about route xx, and thus, this probably isnt THAT big of an issue? nonetheless, it needed to be said.
> 
> i would really recommend that you go and read the first chapter's introductory notes again to bring yourself up to pace on the universe
> 
> okay okay few more things A) PLEASE check out my friend bri's fic Chances! (http://archiveofourown.org/works/5489015) she's an incredible writer, honestly, and her stuff deserves. SO much more recognition than mine. its kanoshin and fluffy and perfect and yknow if you make it through this chapter, you deserve some bandaids for your heart
> 
> B) this chapter is dedicated to that one anon on tumblr who messaged me to tell me that them and their friend bonded over this fic... i am so touche.d.;;// pls, bond. bond your hearts out i love you guys
> 
> thank you so much for your support everyone. im astonished by the response to my kanoshin tbh. i love you guys. enjoy.

_[GRP MSG: 12/15 8:43:11 AM]_

_ME: SOS_

_TAKANE: It’s too early to deal with your gay bullshit_

_TAKANE: What is it_

_HARUKA: (´〜｀*) zzz_

_AYANO: aaaa_

_ME: You guys are the most supportive group of friends I could ever ask for. Thanks._

_TAKANE: yw_

_AYANO: :D_

_ME: Can you just help me out here? Kano is being weird._

_AYANO: weird how???_

Shintaro looked up from his phone to spare a glance over at his soulmate, who was yawning and just barely stirring from his spot on the couch. His hair was strangely messy, which was a blatant contrast to the usual stylishly messy hair that he liked to sport.

“Kano.”

A groan from the couch. Shintaro pursed his lips, setting his phone down for a moment to shuffle over, very nearly tripping over his too-long pajama pants in the process. He stared down at Kano, crossing his arms.

“Kano.”

Another groan.

“It’s too early...” Kano murmured, halfheartedly swatting in Shintaro’s general direction. Of course, he missed entirely, but the action made him back up in the slightest anyway. His voice muffled by the pillow, the other continued. “We stayed up too late last night. And this couch hurts my back.”

“You complain too much.”

“And you have a dumb face, but you don’t hear me whine about that, do you?” Kano responded immediately, and it sounded rehearsed, as if he had been carefully planning comebacks all night long.

It didn’t really surprise Shintaro.

In its own way, it was almost relieving.

_[GRP MSG: 12/15 8:47:32 AM]_

_ME: Never mind. He was just tired. I mean, he is just tired. I don’t know._

_ME: Maybe I should take him out or something._

_HARUKA: Ooh! Like a date!!!!!!!!!!! :3c_

_TAKANE: You mean like a dog_

_ME: No, not like a date. Not a dog, either._

_AYANO: kiss him??_

_TAKANE: lol Like u have a chance w ayano’s brother. go jack off and call it a day_

_AYANO: ewwww_

_HARUKA: ?!? D:_

_ME: He’s my soulmate, y’know... Technically, I have the best chance out of anyone in the world to date him, I mean..._

_ME: If I wanted to._

_TAKANE: Do you tho_

_AYANO: no jacking off on my brother!_

_TAKANE: Yeah save that for like the second date_

_HARUKA: Give him the tickles. (0_0)_

It was around then that Shintaro tossed his phone across the room, coaxing a yelp out of Kano that seemed to yank him out of his sleepy state. And really, Shintaro hated the way that he seemed to glow in the morning light. It was almost annoying how pretty he could be at times, and yes, he had finally managed to come to terms with the fact that Kano was definitely attractive, for real, but only after a several long showers and a contemplative morning walk. And even then, Shintaro sometimes still found himself getting grumbly about it.

“What the hell was that for?” Kano grumbled, standing up and stretching. “Did you have a muscle spasm?”

Shintaro hesitated for a moment before walking over to pick up his phone, his heart rate picking up _just a little_ as he checked it for any cracks. It went back down to normal upon seeing that his screen was still beautiful and full of greasy fingerprints, thank god.

“Hey, do you wanna go out or something?” Shintaro offered, his voice wavering only a _little_ bit, which he considered to be a victory. Then again, it was taking more than one second for Kano to respond, so quickly, he began to backtrack. “I mean, we need some groceries. Like... vegetables. And fruits?”

Kano gave him The Look that usually meant that he was being awkward again. (Kano also had another Look that he liked to classify as That One Look, which only appeared under hostile circumstances.)

“Groceries?” Kano narrowed his eyes, palming his face both hands in what Shintaro could only assume was an attempt to blearily wipe the sleep and tiredness away. He had to force himself to ignore the peach coloured residue that was left behind on the other’s fingers. “We need stuff, but it’s not like either of us will actually eat the vegetables. Let’s be honest here, dear soulmate. Do either of us have the best diets?”

There it was again. That one word. Soulmate, soulmate, soulmate. The person standing in front of him was his soulmate, and with this remembrance came the dull throbbing in his wrist that somehow always knew when to make itself known.

“No,” Shintaro begrudgingly admitted. “But I promised my mom that I’d eat better?”

Kano seemed to consider this for a moment before nodding, shuffling off to the bedroom. It was strange, Shintaro thought, how even though Kano had showered that morning, he had just thrown his pajamas back on and went back to bed.

Every single morning, he followed the same routine, which always consisted of wearing long sleeves and dutifully applying makeup, even though he said that he’s never touched a bottle of the stuff in his life. (Which was a lie.)

“Lemme just get dressed. Ah, and no peeking! I know how sexually repressed you are, and it really wouldn’t surprise me if you decided to burst in or something similar, isn’t that right?” Kano smirked.

At first, Shintaro couldn’t help but be a little bit offended at the sentiment, partly because _no,_ he wasn’t sexually repressed, and in fact, he was doing quite well for himself on his multitude of dating simulator games, thank you very much, but mostly because there was a pang of disbelief in his chest yelling at himself for being so stupid. Of _course_ Kano still hated him. How could he have been so stupid?

But Kano wasn’t leaving, and in fact, he was still poised at the door, waiting and watching for some sort of response to his statement.

The realisation clicked in Shintaro’s brain.

It was a test.

Tiptoeing along the fine line of teasing and snide remarks, Kano had reached out to the other side and waited for him, testing the waters.

Well.

Luckily for Kano, he’d always been great at tests.

“Oh, don’t worry, Kano,” Shintaro said smoothly, though the words felt uneven and unnatural on his tongue. “I’ll try my hardest to keep my hands out of my pants, thanks. After all, I don’t want to stain the couch or anything.”

(Oh god, did he really just say that? Really? He felt dirty now. Maybe he should take a shower or something.)

Shintaro’s cheeks burned, and it took all of his courage to spare a glance at Kano, only to find that the shade of red on the other’s cheeks very well mirrored that of his own.

(Oh _god._ )

“Uh... Sorry, I-”

Kano’s abrupt snort of laughter cut him off, the blond’s face still burning, even as he brought his hands up to his face to cover his mouth, which was an action that Shintaro found to be totally unnecessary, as there was something strangely charming about the way that he smiled. Correction, the way that he was beginning to smile, as it was only recently that he had began to drop those Cheshire Cat grins for soft, lingering glances at things that he really liked, or the way that his eyes would brighten when they stepped into a bakery or when he saw a kitten. Speaking of, Kano had a certain resemblance to cats. Maybe it was the way he stretched sometimes, or how he’d lap at his cereal milk after he finished the actual cereal, going spoonful by spoonful until he finished the entire bowl. 

But all of those observations could easily be chalked up to Shintaro having a lack of real friends in his life, and it seemed that since Kano was slowly becoming someone that he could consider a friend, it was only normal that he’d notice the various quirks that made Kano, well.... Kano. It was normal.

“Ew, that’s so gross!” Kano said, the words just barely coming out between spurts of laughter. The door shut behind him as he presumably went to change. “You’re kind of a nasty guy, aren’t you?”

“Go put on your clothes, dirty pajamas!”

“Hey!”

A small smile managed to crawl his face somehow. Shintaro bit it down, swallowed the chuckles that were threatening to spill over.

Kano seemed happy.

(Ish.)

* * *

 

That day was cold. Again. It was starting to look like the weather had gone into full “fuck it” mode, delivering nice bursts of wind approximately every two seconds on Shintaro and Kano’s walk to the farmer’s market. Not that they could afford the farmer’s market or anything, and it was kind of sad how there was only about three stands with upsetting little pieces of frostbitten lettuce. But Shintaro’s mom turned out to be pretty serious in getting them both to eat correctly, and had deposited a somewhat paltry sum into his bank account that would last them for maybe two salads. (”It’s not her fault, okay? She still thinks that you can buy an entire cake for 100 yen.”)

“Shintaro... That man looks so sad.” Kano frowned, pointing over to what could only be described as a very, very grumpy man. Even his eyebrows appeared to be frowning, which only complimented the way that his various wrinkles and wisdom spots framed his face.

“I don’t know if he looks sad as much as he looks intimidating, honestly.”

The other scoffed, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“Doesn’t matter. Let’s go buy his honey. I like honey, anyway,” Kano hummed, opening his wallet as he approached the older man. Shintaro watched from afar, noting the slight change in the smile that Kano presented to the stranger as opposed to the one he had seen earlier. A moment later, his soulmate returned with jar of honey in a wrapped paper bag. “Local honey is the best.”

Shintaro shrugged a bit. For some reason, whenever he tried to add honey to tea or yogurt, his attempts would always end up with him being in a rather... _sticky_ situation. (That was a good one, he thought. Write that down.)

“It’s alright.”

Kano made a face, clutching the bag close to his body before tucking it under his coat in what seemed to be a protective manner. 

“No honey for you, then.”

“Hey, don’t be like that... I still want to try it, I mean, I’m just... uh,” Shintaro paused. “Bad at not spilling it? My hands shake a lot.”

For a moment, Kano seemed to think about this, humming momentarily as they began to walk away from the market. The honey seller waved them off, his face relaxing as Kano waved back and wished him a good day.

“It’s because of all of the soda that you drink,” He finally settled. When Shintaro turned to look at him, the wind howled, giving Kano’s hair a windswept look that could be considered appealing, kinda. “All of that caffeine can’t be good for you.”

Shintaro scoffed, retaliating by bumping his shoulder against the other’s. A moment too late did it cross his mind that Kano had a thing about being touched, and that he should probably apologise and get it over with, but his thoughts were cut off when Kano brushed up against him, nudging him to the side in response.

It felt almost natural.

It was terrifying.

Stepping slightly to the side, Shintaro’s fists balled up in the pockets of his hoodie.

“It’s a nice day out.”

“Yeah.”

“It’s cold out.”

“Yeah.”

“The wind is really blowing, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“Let’s stay out a little longer.”

“Yeah.”

It was probably just Shintaro’s idiotic mind, but after a certain point, he wasn’t sure who was speaking and who was responding. It all melted together into similar thoughts, similar words, similar inflections, similar minds.

Almost like how people would describe soulmates.

It was that revelation that shook Shintaro out of his shell, causing him to lean into a coughing fit that made Kano jump and toss a pack of tissues at him. It hit him square in the face.

“What’s wrong with you? You’re being really weird, y’know.” Kano frowned, or at least, he probably frowned. Shintaro couldn’t very well see anything, his eyes affixed to a very interesting crack in the concrete of the sidewalk. Shintaro shook his head, unwrapping the tissues slowly. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the other shifting back and forth on both feet before he quietly spoke again. “Are you sick?”

Standing up, Shintaro handed the remaining tissues back to the other, offering them up like they were some sort of precious gift, only to have the blond wave him off.

“No?” He responded, tugging the hood of his sweatshirt up. There wasn’t really a good explanation as to why he suddenly began dying in the street, other than the truth, which was a very pathetic “I’m terrified of our fate”. Like hell he was going to say that. Cleverly, he searched his brain for a reasonable excuse.“I just choked on my... tongue.”

Shit.

Wearily, Shintaro looked over at Kano, expecting a snippy comment, or maybe a snicker in response to his incompetency, only to receive nothing in response. Kano bit his lip.

“Keep yourself healthy. It’s cold out. Getting sick right now would suck, yeah?” He said after a long pause, and Shintaro could only dumbly nod.

They walked silently.

The weather outside really was nice out, if they ignored the bracing cold on their cheeks.

Even that felt a little good, or maybe he was just a masochist.

Either way, Shintaro wouldn’t be surprised.

“Shintaro.”

“Hm?”

Kano sighed heavily, still holding the jar of honey again his chest like a child. The pleasant shade of pink on his cheeks and on the tip of his nose was subtle, but still there. Maybe he’d see more of it if the boy wasn’t quite so meticulous with his makeup.

“I’m thirsty. Let’s get something to drink.”

Actually, yeah, that did sound good. He was about ready to fall asleep as it was. Movie night always caused them both to stay up way, way too late. Movie night was quickly starting to become less of a movie night and more of an everyday sort of night as it was, though, so maybe it was less of movie night’s fault and more of their own poor time management skills. Or maybe it was just that one director’s fault for making such stupidly intriguing movies.

Nodding, Shintaro pointed to a nearby coffee shop, one of which he had never been to. It looked fairly clean, and they probably had hot chocolate, which was Kano’s favourite. (Hot chocolate with extra whipped cream and cinnamon, plus chocolate shavings if they had any, even if there was an upcharge for them.)

The flashing red hand displayed a countdown as they crossed the street. Shintaro felt his stomach churn, sparing a glance over at his partner.

The aroma of coffee beans and warmth hit him square in the face as he opened the door, and settled into his lungs as he held open the door for Kano. The other shook off himself as they entered, passing over his wallet to Shintaro, who nudged it back to him.

“It’s fine. You got the honey, I’ll handle this one.” Shintaro said, looking over the menu. Truth be told, nothing seemed that appealing. Coffee wasn’t his cup of tea (Ha.), tea reminded him of bad news, and hot chocolate was just far too sweet for him to enjoy. Maybe a holiday latte would be more his speed. Next to him, Kano was scanning the nearly full shop for an empty table, and took several slow steps in its general direction as Shintaro scoured the board.

“I’m going to get us that seat,” Kano began, stepping away just enough so that he wouldn’t have to yell. “Can you get me a-”

“Hot chocolate with extra whipped cream, cinnamon, and chocolate shavings if they have any.”

The other hesitated, seemingly taken aback, before nodding once.

“Right! Okay, okay, I’m going to go claim that table.”

Shintaro watched him as he scurried off, plopping himself down as soon as he got over there. (It’s creepy to stare, you dumbass, he reminded himself.)

The line didn’t seem like it was going to be getting any shorter any time soon, not with a very whiny sounding woman with timers lining her forearm, god knows _how_ she had that many soulmates, considering how she was sort of making the poor barista look like he was about to sink into the floor with her demands. A quick glance, and Shintaro caught a glimpse of the barista’s left wrist- two timers illuminated white against his dark skin. They really stood out, devoid of pigmentation like that, Shintaro thought sympathetically. Timers were such a private issue; there was no reason why your relationship status(es) should be quite so visible to the entire world.

He tried not to think about his subtimer.

He promptly failed.

Pulling his phone out of his pocket, his fingers tapped out his pass code, which never failed to make him smile, at least a little, and messaged the very few friends that he had.

_[GRP MSG: 12/15 2:06:58 PM]_

_ME: It’s cold outside._

_AYANO: i heard that its going to snow!!!_

_TAKANE: I wouldnt know_

_TAKANE: Its been a while since Ive been out_

_TAKANE: Brb_

_HARUKA: Ah! Takane’s pressing her face against the side of the window! Look!_

_[IMG SENT: IMG_8738]_

_AYANO: the wires aaa be careful of the wires!!!_

_ME: She looks so sad. It’s like she’s trying to eat the glass._

_TAKANE: Shut up you NEET idiot_

_ME: Not a NEET anymore, thanks a ton. You’re so observant._

_TAKANE: Im gettin a little sick of ur shit. Anyway hows the DATE goin_

_AYANO: my brother is delicateee please be careful_

_ME: It’s not a date._

_HARUKA: It’s a date!_

_AYANO: its a date uwu_

_TAKANE: Youre gay_

Shintaro’s face contorted into a messed up frown. He self consciously looked up to see if anyone had seen it, and upon getting the all clear, typed out a response.

_ME: I’m going to change your name to “Glass Eater”._

_TAKANE: Rude_

_ME: Done._

_GLASS EATER: RUDE_

_HARUKA: Sorry, Takane and I have to go! The doctor needs to take some blood._

_AYANO: again??_

_GLASS EATER: Yeah_

_GLASS EATER: Its hard to not be examined like this when_

_GLASS EATER: yknow_

_GLASS EATER: Youre a freak of nature_

_ME: Don’t say that._

_AYANO: if you guys are freaks then what am i ?? whats shintaro????_

_GLASS EATER: At least you have timers_

_AYANO: its not super fun to have 68 timers takane. and its not fun to have only one either_

_HARUKA: Takane doesn’t mean that! It’s okay, we’ll see you all soon!_

_GLASS EATER: The doc’s getting pissy sry we’ll see you guys later_

_AYANO: 8(_

“Next?”

Shintaro looked up, sliding his phone into his coat pocket as he approached the counter. It was around then that he realised that he had never figured out what he wanted to order.

“Can I just have... A hot chocolate with extra whipped cream, cinnamon, and chocolate shavings...?” Shintaro began, speaking slowly so as to scan the menu as he spoke.

“Anything else?” The barista asked, all too soon for him to have come up with an order. Oh god. The line behind him was quickly growing, too. Everyone must think that he was so stupid, so incompetent, as usual, that’s the norm for someone with only one timer, it was to be expected that he couldn’t do anything right. (You’re being paranoid, they can’t see your timer, Shintaro reminded himself, though this did little to quell his fears.)

“Make it two.” He finally said, handing the barista a bill that far exceeded the cost of the order. “Keep the change.”

The time sped up after that, his phone remaining silent as he waited for the drinks to come out, and when he sat at the table, Shintaro quite literally jumped when Kano’s hand lightly brushed against his to claim his drink.

The other didn’t seem to notice.

“Thanks. It’s pretty loud in here.” Kano commented quietly. “But this looks really good, so it’s alright.”

Shintaro blinked, setting his phone on the table, just in case it buzzed again, and moved to cup his hands around the mug. This shop used porcelain mugs to serve its drinks- he supposed that it gave them an extra unique touch. He nodded, watching as the other dipped his thumb into the whipped cream, licking off a bit before attempting to sip it.

“You’re going to get it on your nose, you know.”

Kano frowned, pulling the mug down from his face with a dot of whipped cream gracing the very tip of his nose.

“What did you say?”

“You have whipped cream on your nose.”

“Oh.”

Within a second, it was cleaned off.

Shintaro looked down at his mug, simply stirring the beverage with his spoon. The other hummed as he took another sip of his drink.

“This is actually really good. I mean, it’s burning my mouth a little bit, but it’s good,” He said. “Thanks.”

“No problem.”

Aside from some rather boring small talk, which the other had already previously stated that he wasn’t a fan of, Kano seemed content to sit in silence as they drank. The taste of the hot chocolate was starting to grow on him a bit, actually. It was nice, almost.

Without thinking, Shintaro’s eyes drifted down to the edge of Kano’s sleeve. From his angle, he couldn’t quite see his timer, or any part of his wrist for that matter, but maybe it was better. It’s none of his business. Even if they were soulmates, they didn’t need to know about each other’s timers.

But Kano had seen that he only had one timer, right?

It wasn’t like Kano could keep his timers a secret forever. That’s what he was trying to hide, wasn’t he?

It was only fair that Shintaro would be allowed to know about his own soulmate’s timers, especially if said soulmate was destined to die in the span of the next several months.

Shintaro opened his mouth to say something that would probably ruin the tentative friendship that they’d slowly been building since their reconciliation around two weeks ago, but shut right up when Kano furrowed his brows at something outside the window.

“Shintaro...” Kano murmured, and he had to lean in to hear him clearly.

“What?”

“That kid...” The blond slowly raised a finger, pressing it against the glass. Shintaro followed his line of sight until he came across a child wearing a poofy yellow jacket and pants that were the colour of banana pudding. He narrowed his eyes.

“What about him?” The kid didn’t seem to be doing anything weird. He was hanging onto his mother and father’s hands, swinging back and forth on the sidewalk as they approached the light. All in all, normal kid stuff. Kano’s gaze intensified.

“He looks like a whole Twinkie.”

Shintaro snorted, which, thank god, didn’t result in any hot chocolate spraying out of his nose, though he came pretty close.

Taking a closer look, though, Kano was pretty accurate in his comparison. He nodded in agreement.

“I see what you’re saying. That reminds me, I’m a little hungry,” Shintaro hummed. “Let’s head home after this.”

Kano grinned into his cup. Not that Shintaro could actually see his mouth, but judging by the way the other’s eyes were lighting up, it’d be impossible for him not to be smiling. His heart thrummed for some strange reason. His wrist subsequently throbbed.

“Seeing a toddler in yellow clothes makes you hungry? How disgusting,” The blond clucked, chiding him as he finished off the cocoa. “That’s honestly pretty gross.”

Shintaro swatted at him, rolling his eyes.

“You’re the one who brought it up.”

“That’s only because you looked like you were going to eat him.”

“I wasn’t even looking at him.”

“Liar.”

“I’m not lying! I was staring at the table. It’s a nice table, don’t you think? It’s oak.”

“You’re a tablephile.”

“You’re a little shit.”

The conversation, Shintaro thought, was beginning to sound quite a bit like their first coffee shop trip, though without the (cutting biting stinging rusty sharp painful) edges to their words. His soulmate set down his mug gently, eyes darting over to the door of the shop.

“Oh? They’re coming in.” Kano noted with a tip of the head in the family’s general direction.

Turning to look at the family more closely, maybe out of jealousy or out of something else, Shintaro snapped his head back around as he met eye contact with the father.

Generally speaking, making eye contact with a stranger was never fun, but it was usually even less fun when the person you made eye contact with wasn’t a stranger, but the very same kid who had tormented you in middle school, sending you death threats, writing on your desk, twisting your arm until he heard the bones snap and laughing and laughing and laughing like it was all some big joke.

“Shit.” Shintaro muttered, sinking down into the bench. “I know that guy. He’s an asshole.”

The room seemed too hot all of the sudden.

“How much of an asshole is he?” Kano asked, leaning down. “Because he’s coming over.”

_“Shit.”_

His ears thudded as the man moved closer, his feet thudding against the wood of the shop. His soulmate tugged at his sleeves, in what appeared to be an attempt to cover up his wrists, before apparently deciding that it wasn’t quite enough, and shoved both hands under the table.

A pair of leather shoes stopped at the edge of the table.

“Kisaragi! How nice to see you!” The voice said. Slowly, Shintaro looked up, sparing a glance at Kano in the process. His expression was unreadable.

He didn’t bother to force out a smile, especially upon seeing that what seemed to be his wife and child were ordering over at the counter.

“Nice to see you. Leave.” Shintaro responded bitterly, his voice as even as he could manage it.

The man gave him a bright grin and stuck out his wrists proudly for Shintaro to see. The skin was unmarred, with his left handed timer at a steady zero, and his two right timers mirroring the left. Funny, the last time that Shintaro had seen them, they had still been counting down. Then again, that was back in middle school.

“How’s it going? I’m doing well, thanks for asking. My timers have all run out. I have a kid, and my wife is pregnant,” He said, his voice much too jovial for something as basic as life updates. There was this stupid look on his face that reminded Shintaro sort of a kid who just made a mud pie and was trying their damned hardest to get someone to unknowingly eat it. “Has your one timer run out yet? Or are you still alone?”

Shintaro grit his teeth, preparing to answer when Kano interjected up.

“He’s doing great, actually!” Kano grinned, his smile unnatural. “His soulmate is a perfect match for him. He has a wonderful life, really, now if you’ll excuse us...”

“What, are you his soulmate?” The man sneered. “It figures that he’d be gay. I always knew he was.”

“No,” Kano hesitated for just long enough for Shintaro to pick up on it. “His soulmate is a woman, and she’s gorgeous. Are you done? Maybe your wife needs a hand with all of those drinks, huh?”

Shintaro balled up his fists and stared up at the man. His name was never important. It was his face that had stuck in his mind all of those years. He looked like a lemon.

“Can you leave already? Your face is making my stomach churn.” Shintaro said dryly, and that Look on his face was back, which only made him cower like a pathetic, weak, waste of space.

“That’s not saying much,” The man grinned. “Anything will make your stomach churn after you swallow an entire bottle of sleeping pills.”

Shintaro froze.

“I think you should go,” Kano stood up, leaning out of the table to usher him off. “You’re ruining our day.”

The man didn’t seem to resist as he was pushed away, but he didn’t leave without throwing a grin back at Shintaro.

“You should have died back then. Filthy single timer.”

By that point, half of Shintaro’s body was fighting to pull him up and sock the man- no, _boy_ \- in the face, in what he’d justify as revenge for his younger self. For all of the pain that he’d caused, the boy deserved it a million times over.

And yet, Shintaro’s legs remained fixated to the ground, his body on the bench, his eyes staring straight forward at nothing, nothing at all as Kano, who was seemingly unaffected by the revelation that his soulmate had almost abandoned him before they had even met, worked to get the boy as far away from their table as he possibly could.

A moment later, Kano sat back down, and Shintaro was dreading the conversation.

The table remained silent for several moments, and maybe the other got the hint that Shintaro wasn’t going to speak unless spoken to, because he finally gave a heaving sigh and slumped down onto the table.

“You were right. He really is an asshole.” Kano huffed, resting one hand on his cheek, his fingers idly playing with the silver spoon in the empty mug. “It’s not like scum like him matters, though. He’s gone, so stop making that face.”

Shintaro looked at him like he was crazy.

“That’s all you have to say? You can’t be serious,” He balked. “You find out that I tried to kill myself, and that’s all you have to say?”

Kano shrugged.

“It’s not like I’ve never been tempted before,” The other explained casually, his tone smooth. Like he was discussing the weather. “I can’t stand this timer crap. It’s all so pointless. People hate you if you have too many timers. People hate you if you only have one timer. People hate you if you were born without a timer. People hate you if you have more than one romantic timer. People hate you if you already have one soulmate and are destined to find another. The worst of society use it as a label to determine whether or not you’re worth existing. If you’re too repulsive to speak to. It’s pointless. The only thing good about these numbers is the notion that maybe you’ll be able to find someone who understands you,” Kano paused for a moment. “But if you just lived life normally, wouldn’t you be destined to do that anyway?”

Shintaro looked him over, wrung his wrists out and pushed his hands together.

It wasn’t like Kano was wrong.

“Do you only have one timer?” He asked. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, I guess.”

Kano closed his eyes.

“In a sense.”

Raising an eyebrow, Shintaro opened his mouth to question further, but Kano simply stood and grabbed his coat.

“C’mon. It smells in here.”

It smelled good in the shop, actually, but by the way that Kano was glaring at his former classmate and tormentor, it was obvious that he wasn’t referring to the newly baked pastries.

They stepped outside, but only after Shintaro fought the urge to toss his Twinkie child out into the street. (”It’s not the kid’s fault that it was made by an asshole.” “They’re an asshole in training. It’s time to rid the world of evil. Preemptively.”)

Shintaro hadn’t noticed it before, but it was starting to flurry outside. It reminded him sort of of Tono, who was probably having a ball sitting in her cage and leaving little poops for him to clean up later. The thought almost made him smile.

Kano tucked the jar of honey into an inner pocket of his coat, which made him look a little bulky. It only served to accentuate his shortness, which was also rather amusing, but that might just be because everything except his childhood seemed hilarious in comparison.

“I don’t hate you, honestly. I haven’t for at least a few weeks or so,” Kano admitted, and his voice seemed to be amplified as they stood on the corner of the four way intersection. “You piss me off, but it’s really hard to hate someone who genuinely likes bad movies and makes horrible puns when they get too tired.”

Shintaro wanted to counter with the incident that had occurred right before his subtimer appeared, but apparently, Kano was content to pretend like it had never happened.

“I’d be pretty upset too if I waited my entire life for something that I thought would make me an accepted member of society, only to get another curve ball thrown at me.” Kano said, crossing the street by his side. “And I would definitely be upset if it meant that I couldn’t rub it in a guy like that’s face.”

Shintaro watched him silently before speaking up.

“You’re being really nice. It’s weird,” He finally said. Oops, that’s not what someone is supposed to say when their soulmate is being particularly compassionate, is it? Too late now, he supposed. “You’ve _been_ acting really nice.”

Kano threw a wry smile his way.

“Am I? Dear soulmate, I’m offended! I’m trying to be sympathetic to your plight here, and you’re doubting me?”

“No,” He answered immediately. “But it doesn’t feel like I’m really talking to you. It feels like I’m talking to someone else, honestly. You’re strange without the asshole comments.”

The other kicked at the ground in response, which pushed a good amount of wet snow onto his pant leg. Somehow, the action was comforting.

“I’m just acting nice, okay? Stop being weird and just let me be nice. Or I’ll say that you look like a string bean. Or that you have messy hair that looks like you haven’t brushed it in weeks. Or that you snore so loudly that I’ve woken up three times in the past two nights because it sounds like you’re running a garbage disposal. Or-”

Shintaro cut him off right about then.

“Okay, okay, fine, fine.” He huffed. The walk continued in silence, and he was busy counting the snowflakes that were sticking to Kano’s ashy blond hair when the other spoke again.

“Kano.”

“Mhm?”

Pause.

“Thanks.”

Pause.

“Don’t mention it, soulmate.”

* * *

 

_[MSG: 12/15 11:04:25 PM]_

_ME: Does Kano have more than one timer?_

_AYANO: kind of.... ???owo’’_

_AYANO: i think that you should probably ask him about that.... but its kind of a touchy subject so i wouldnt do it  until youre sure abt it or he’ll clam up_

_AYANO: hes kinda secretive aaah_

_ME: I figured that out._

_AYANO: that hes secretive??_

_ME: Yeah._

_AYANO: he really doesnt like timers. i dont know the full reason why though. i can guess, but guessing isnt the same as knowing ..... >_>_

_ME: Even you don’t know? Doesn’t he tell you everything?_

_ME: I thought you hated timers, anyway._

_AYANO: i think timers can be beautiful things. people who dont understand that everyone has a different experience are the ugly ones_

_AYANO: uhmm most things!!! but theres a lot abt him that i dont think ill ever find out_

* * *

 

     It was that night that Shintaro found himself in the bathroom, staring down at the timer on his wrist.

The timer was going to run out in February. As for the date, he was too nervous to figure it out.

The numbers mocked him.

Biting at his lower lip, his hands fumbled for a moment before they reached for the wrap of gauze that had remained untouched since they had arrived. As it turned out, Ayano was overly protective when it came to preventing infections.

Shintaro thumbed the packaging for a moment, his calloused fingers sliding along the grids of fabric before he steeled himself, wrapping the roll around his left forearm, tight, tight, tighter until he could feel his pulse throbbing against the subtimer.

It felt good. The blissful ignorance that came with not knowing when your soulmate was destined to die.

He examined himself temporarily in the mirror, watching his body pull the sleeve of his hoodie over the bandages. It seemed unreal.

“Shit-naro!” The surprisingly heavy thudding of Kano’s fist against the wood made him jump. “C’mon, get out! I need my beauty sleep, and tonight’s my night for the bed!”

“Hold on!” Shintaro yelled, perhaps too loudly for someone who was just beyond the door. He pried himself out of the bathroom within a minute or so, tossing the bandages as far back into the cabinet as they could go. The satisfying _thwap_ of the laminate cardboard against the wood of the cabinets relaxed him only a bit, and when he stepped out, Kano was already lying in bed, curled up against the dozens of pillows that he had claimed for himself. It was annoying. (Or was it? Shintaro wasn’t sure. Kano smelled pretty good, and he could kick himself every time he got the pillows back and snuggled into the scent that he would leave behind. The scent had once made him sick to his stomach. It was a mystery why that wasn’t the case anymore.)

As he was about to leave the room, a small voice came from underneath the mountain of pillows.

“Night.”

Shintaro stared at the pile.

“Good night, Kano.”

He even hesitated as he left the bedroom, clicking the door behind him quietly, before sinking to the ground, curling up against the frame.

That pit of dread in his stomach was back again.

Every step forward, no matter how small, only fed the reaper.

Shintaro curled into the couch, digging his nails into the cushions as he attempted (and failed) to sleep.

His wrist was pulsing, and the only way that he could attempt to get to sleep that night was to count sheep to the tempo of his heart, and try not to associate the thuds with the ticks of a grandfather clock.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [screaming] I HAVE RISEN. but yeah. work got to me. again. dont hold me to this, but this is more of a transition chapter- so the real shit is going to go down next chapter, which will be up hopefully very very soon.
> 
> anyways i know things that you dont know about this fic haha. >:3c namely, the extraordinary amounts of foreshadowing and flags that i packed into this chapter. this was very much a necessary chapter for the rest of the story- im hoping that people will be able to come back to this one and see things that they werent able to see on a first read
> 
> if you ever want to talk, my twitter is @chibitalex!! im always up for kanoshin talks, so please, feel free to hmu.
> 
> as always, please enjoy this chapter. leave feedback if you wish, i love to hear what you all think!! have a great day.

Shintaro’s wrist was throbbing- no, that wasn’t quite right, it was more like _pulsing_ when he stirred awake that next morning. Groggily, he sat up, rubbing at his bloodshot eyes and palming around the couch for his phone.

It would be a smart move to remove the wrappings constraining his wrist, but that would mean facing the gravity of the situation, and truth be told, he wasn’t quite ready to accept that at around 6 in the morning. Or at least, it was most likely around 6 in the morning, maybe a bit earlier. If it were any later, Kano would have already been up and stirring about the kitchen, maybe making cocoa and haphazardly stirring some instant coffee packets into the sad, sorry excuse of a mocha. Or sometimes he would already be making breakfast- nothing too big or exciting, they didn’t really have enough motivation to cook anything big so early in the morning. Mostly just eggs. Toaster waffles if Kano was really tired. If Shintaro was really, _really_ lucky, Kano would sometimes make omelettes or French toast, but that had only happened about twice prior.

Blinking the sleep out and yawning, Shintaro tapped at his dim phone screen several times, before realising that he actually had to press the center button- duh- and switching on the display.

10:32 AM.

He narrowed his eyes.

Every morning, Kano got up at 7 on the dot. The alarm would ring, he would hear the gentle music floating from either the door that connected the bedroom and the living room, which served to briefly wake Shintaro up, before the other would start shifting around and getting himself ready for the day. Shintaro never really stayed awake to see what would happen after that point. He preferred to sleep in until at least 8, maybe 9 if he didn’t have any tight deadlines to meet. Whatever Kano did beyond the alarm going off was a complete mystery to him.

But nonetheless, he never left the house. Not to Shintaro’s knowledge, anyway.

So where the hell was he?

“Kano?”

No response.

Instantly, his heart sank in his chest, and throwing the blanket off of himself, Shintaro stood, frantically yanking and tugging at the bandages on his wrist. It didn’t come off with mere tugging and pulling motions, so instead, he leaned in and used his teeth on the fabric, the gauze tearing as he finally managed to free his wrist and feel the blood rushing back through the veins of his left hand. (Really, it was a miracle that his hand didn’t fall off the night previous.)

The timer itself was still ticking down which, although terrifying, provided a small sort of comfort. At least it meant that Kano was still breathing. For now, anyway, but at the moment, he tried to push that inevitable future out of his mind. Slowly, Shintaro crept over towards the bedroom door, pressing his cheek against the tinted wood and listening quietly. There wasn’t any real noise coming from inside, no shuffling, no music, nothing. Only the warm buzz from the space heater, barely there. After a moment of hesitation, Shintaro rapped lightly on the door twice, which garnered no response from the boy that was presumably inside. More silence, more nothingness, and at this point, Shintaro’s earlier unease was beginning to bubble back up. There was no way that Kano just _left,_ no way in hell, not after they were finally starting to become friends. Kano wouldn’t leave like that, not again, and as if to confirm this to himself, Shintaro fumbled with the knob and went tumbling through the doorway, his eyes locked on the bed.

Really, there was no reason for Shintaro to have been worrying as much as he was. Underneath the thick plush of the comforter, wisps of blond hair stuck out haphazardly, somehow even more messy than they normally were, though that wasn’t really a surprise, since bedhead happened to even the most attractive of the human race.

That’s all it was. Kano had simply overslept. Nothing abnormal about that. Everyone overslept at times, and really, Kano didn’t need to be getting up so early, considering their schedules weren’t exactly what people with normal 9-5 jobs would call strict. In fact, their schedules were so lenient that he’d hesitate to call them both employed at times, even though both of them brought money to the household. Shintaro with his programming, Kano with his graphic design knowledge. (When it was needed, anyway. Kano usually only worked to help design pages for clients when something fell through on the other end. Still though, it happened frequently enough that he’d still consider it to be a job. When Shintaro had first asked Kano about his knack for visual design, his soulmate simply shot him a cheeky grin and perhaps too eager response of “graffiti”.) It paid the bills, anyway.

Still, though. None of that really mattered, since today was what could technically be considered an off day for them. Maybe normal soulmates would use the extra time to sleep in and cuddle in bed, but not them, Shintaro thought bitterly. Progress was made in constructing a sort of awkward friendship between the two of them, but the very idea that they were supposed to be kissing and in love went unsaid.

Not that it really mattered. (Probably.)

Anyway. Shintaro pushed the thoughts out of his mind temporarily. The simple fact was, Kano was still asleep, and he would probably be pretty upset when he woke up. Someone with such a strict alarm set every morning most likely wouldn’t be too happy to find out that they had woken up over _three fucking hours later._

There weren’t too many options here. Either wake him up, or don’t. Both with pros and cons, but those could be weighed out in a second. He would probably just end up letting Kano sleep a little longer, anyway. He had already slept in for an extra three hours, another 15 minutes wouldn’t kill him. Shintaro could just leave the room right there and be done with it, deal with whatever irritation Kano had later.

He really, really should have just left the room upon reaching that decision.

Although…

All things aside, Shintaro really had never gotten a good look at Kano when he wasn’t awake.

Shouldn’t he have seen Kano sleeping normally by now?

They didn’t sleep together, still, and really, Shintaro was okay with leaving it like that. But still, it was a little weird that he hadn’t seen Kano asleep even once. The most that they’d done was fall asleep on the couch after a movie, but Kano would always fall asleep after him, and wake up before him. That hardly seemed fair. After all, they were both each other’s soulmates. Shouldn’t they be on even territory in that aspect? Definitely, yes, they should be, there was no question about it! An eye for an eye, a fang for a fang, as it were. Shintaro clicked his tongue softly. It was only fair that he should get to see Kano’s sleeping face, when it didn’t have either a particularly disinterested expression or an annoying smirk that quickly replaced the former expression when he realised that someone was watching him.

And annoyingly enough, his soulmate’s bedhead was stirring something strange from the pit of Shintaro’s stomach. What would Kano look like with tussled hair like that, anyway?

… He’d probably look good.

Shintaro admitted this to himself slowly, quietly tiptoeing over to the closest side where Kano was resting, his hands hesitantly reaching out for the edge of the comforter.

Just one quick peek couldn’t hurt, right?

And besides, it was only normal for him to be curious about how Kano looked while he was sleeping, friends thought that way of each other, and it didn’t really mean anything. Not that he was the best person to go to for that, seeing as Shintaro himself was still working out the kinks of having a friend that’s actually around physically and not just accessible through texting. And anyway, Kano was technically his soulmate. It wasn’t creepy at all.

His hand crept slowly over the soft fabric before tugging it back just a tad, testing the waters and watching carefully for any sort of movement from the still slumbering Kano- who actually appeared to be sleeping pretty deeply, now that he was up close. In fact, he seemed to be snoring a little bit, barely there, but just enough to show that he was alive. It was almost cute. Almost. If he were into that sort of thing, Shintaro supposed. Which he wasn’t.

Tentatively, he reached over and folded over the top of the blanket, exposing part of Kano’s cheek and the tips of his ears, which were flushed red- presumably because of how high the blanket was pulled up. Scarily enough, Shintaro’s cheeks were beginning to mirror the shade of red at the tips of his soulmate’s ears- Strange. The blanket was tugged down just a tad more, Shintaro’s fingers hooking around the fabric before brushing against the messy hair at the nape of Kano’s neck.

Shintaro’s breath hitched.

That was really soft.

Kano’s hair, that was.

It almost reminded Shintaro of a kitten’s fur, actually- Both soft and thin. A bit wispy, too. Scratch that, it _definitely_ reminded him of a kitten. It had always looked soft whenever he was sitting next to Kano, but Shintaro hadn’t expected it to be _this_ soft. His fingertips glided over the soft locks, twisting around a loose piece briefly before tucking it back behind his soulmate’s ear. Kano remained largely unresponsive for the most part, face buried against one of the larger pillows next to him. Which was really a shame, seeing as Shintaro’s main intention was to see what kind of vulnerable (cute?) expression Kano would make while he slept, but at least he had the chance to touch his hair. That was something.

Shintaro pulled away his hand hesitantly, too fast and too slow at the same time.

God, what was wrong with him…? That was so creepy. Grimacing, Shintaro took a small step back from his soulmate, looking him over once more.

The boy in front of him was going to die. Soon, at that. It wasn’t quite Christmas yet, but after the new year began, they’d have a little more than a month. And what was worse, Kano had absolutely no clue as to his impending doom, most likely. He was probably still trying to get used to the idea of spending his entire life with Shintaro, but realistically, they’d never make it that far. The thought made Shintaro’s blood run cold.

After Kano died, he’d be alone again.

There was always the option of going back to his mom, living with her, Shintaro supposed. But really, his mom had enough pain in her life. Having a no-good, wasteful son definitely wouldn’t help her out at all. And besides that, he’d have to be a drain on not only his mom and society, but it was fairly humiliating to still live with a parent after college, anyway. Especially when he’d already been living together with Kano for months, it wasn’t like he could just abandon the independence that came with it.

He had a little over a month to accept the reality of being alone after Kano left.

As for the idea of dating after Kano died, well… Shintaro wasn’t too sure about that. Speaking solely as Kano’s friend(?), it simply wouldn’t be right to jump back into the dating scene after his death. Not immediately afterwards, anyway.

“Kano…” The name slipped out from between his lips without so much of a second thought. Shintaro’s hands trembled, his left wrist throbbing as he stared down at the sleeping boy in front of him. Blissfully unaware to the world of reality around him. Truthfully, it was so much easier to just watch Kano as he slept than to go and wrap his wrist again.

All good things had to end, though.

Just barely tearing himself away from Kano’s annoyingly cute snoring and disgustingly soft hair, Shintaro stumbled over to the bathroom, locking the door behind him as he fumbled around for the wrappings of gauze that he had slapped against the side of the cabinet the night previous. It only took a moment for him to secure them back onto his left wrist, albeit much less tight than before. Just enough so that he didn’t have to stare at those damned numbers all day and night. Right after securing the final part of the gauze, the phone in Shintaro’s back pocket buzzed quietly, and leaning against the counter, he clumsily felt around for it before finally managing to get ahold of it and flipping on the screen.

_[GRP MSG: 12/16 11:02:29 AM]_

_AYANO: a timer of mine just ran out :)_

_AYANO: this time its a little kid!! she has short black hair pulled into pigtails and ,,, ahh idk!! im excited she seems so sweet!!!_

_ME: How many timers do you have left after this, then?_

_AYANO: 49_

_AYANO: it looks like shell be the last one for a while tho_

_ME: That’s good, I guess. Are you happy?_

_AYANO: i guess yknow??? i wish i had more time to spend around her so that i could get to know her and all but. she had two more timers on her right arm and another one on her left so i think shell be ok for now,,,_

_GLASS EATER: Sorry we just got this now_

_GLASS EATER: Harukas still asleep atm tho. The docs put some weird shit into us last night so were a little wiped out_

_GLASS EATER: Anyways congrats on your 29349 th timer running out_

_AYANO: … was that sarcasm….. <:O_

_GLASS EATER: No im serious. Sorry for being rude about that yesterday. I didnt mean for it to sound like you arent outcast for the timer stuff either. I was just tired and frustrated with all of the testing so i guess i must have sounded like an asshole. Sorry_

_AYANO: aaawww :’) takaaaaane ///// its ok!!! were all the abnormal timer friends!! thats how we met, thats how well stay!!! i cant even begin to imagine whatd it be like to have no timer at all so,,, its alright_

_ME: What a touching sight. By the way, Kano’s outside my door right now, still sleeping probably. I should go check on him._

_AYANO: hes usually up by now,,, is he ok???_

_ME: Yeah. I’m going to go check, though._

Sliding the phone into his back pocket once more, Shintaro tentatively unlocked the door, stepping out as delicately as he possibly could.

Directly onto a creaking floorboard.

Kano stirred on the bed, and dammit , why now? Why didn’t he wake up earlier? There was definitely some sort of deity to make Shintaro’s life a living hell, he was sure, because only a second later, the stirring turned into actual movements, and then to Kano slowly sitting up, and dammit all to hell, Shintaro was screwed. This was it. Kano would kick him out of the house and he’d have to live with his mom and become a miserable failure of a human with a dead soulmate that died harboring feelings of hate towards him. This was his life now. Just as Shintaro was about to bow out from the room, start packing his bags, maybe, Kano blinked several times and turned to face him.

His hazy, sleepy eyes only barely fixated on Shintaro’s form, and they wavered a bit, as if he wasn’t entirely sure of what he was looking at. Blinked once, twice, appearing exhausted and confused as the realisation presumably crept in.

In the meantime, Shintaro was a mixture of “too distracted” and “too nervous” to just bolt the hell out of the room. Primarily because Kano was much like him in the sense that he wasn’t exactly the type to take things lightly, as demonstrated by the minutes after they first met, and really, he’d like to avoid fighting with the boy as much as he could from that point on. It just wasn’t worth it. Besides, Kano’s remarks always stung right where it hurt, and that dangerous smirk wasn’t ever something that Shintaro wanted to see again. It just didn’t seem… right; something was so off about that smile barely concealing the blond’s anger that it sent chills up Shintaro’s spine. On the other hand, the distraction aspect was primarily coming from the dark splotches on Kano’s face.

Those looked like scars.

Yeah, sure, it was a very triumphant moment to see Kano so caught off guard for once, since surprise was one emotion that never really seemed to cross paths with him, but none of that really mattered when there were dark, heavy lines of scar tissue running across Kano’s cheeks, against his jawline, over his brow bones, everywhere.

Every square inch on his face seemed to have its own mark.

Shintaro was only looking at them at a moment, but it seemed like much longer, before Kano recognized what was going on and covered his face with his palms, in what appeared to be a poor attempt to seem as if he was rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

“Wh… Shintaro, what the _hell,_ what are…” He sputtered, his body tense with anxiety, strung up like a puppet with its strings much too tight. Kano’s voice was strangely pitched, nervous and high. “What are you _doing,_ I… Get out, get out, don’t look _at me…!”_

There was no real venom in his tone. If anything, he seemed to be more afraid, but that was probably just Shintaro’s imagination.

“I wasn’t trying to wake you up, I just had to go to the bathroom, I promise,” Shintaro defended, already backing out of the room and attempting to pry his eyes away from the boy on the bed that somehow looked even smaller than before. “Here, here, look, I’m leaving, see? And, uh, I wanted to see if you were okay? You usually get up at 7, so…”

Kano’s eyes widened, and he took one hand away from his face to go patting around for his phone, which was right next to his pillow. His fingers were shaking. Only a moment later, his expression went dark, and he slammed the item down next to him, his hand returning to his face only a moment later.

“Just… Get out already, okay? Get out.” Kano said in a hushed tone, practically curling in on himself. “I’ll be out soon.”

Frantically, Shintaro nodded, hurrying himself out of the bedroom in what was only partially for the other’s sake. The door clicked shut more softly than he had intended, but it was… well, whatever. Kano probably didn’t need the extra noise right now. And if he was being completely honest, neither did he. What the hell were those marks on Kano’s face? It could have just been a trick of the lighting, Shintaro thought, his heart beating much faster than he had intended for it to be.  If he just kept repeating to himself that he hadn’t seen anything, that it was all an illusion, maybe he’d be able to convince himself of that. (He wouldn’t.)

Sliding against the wall, Shintaro let out a loud groan before moving over to the couch and flopping down face first onto the squishy cushions. They quickly molded to his body, which he normally found annoying, but maybe that’s what he needed at that very moment. Something to mold to him, he thought bitterly.

Shit. This had gone from 1 to 100 on the crap meter within three minutes.

It really wasn’t something that Shintaro liked to wake up to in the morning.

The faint noise of the shower turning on could be heard from through the walls, and he could only assume that Kano was trying to scrub Shintaro’s gaze off of him or something like that. At least, that’s what he would say, definitely, when he eventually came out of the shower, hair still damp and makeup flawless, like he was just irritated about being woken from his “beauty sleep”. Actually- that was probably what he would claim. Something about being irritated that his beauty sleep was interrupted, which was a load of crap, but it wasn't like he could do anything to change Kano's mind about hiding everything. Shintaro let out a heavy sigh against the couch.

The longer they lived together, the closer they got to their deadline, the more Shintaro was beginning to realise just how deeply Kano’s lies and desperate cover ups ran.

 

* * *

 

 The shower was nice, sort of.

It was hot, at least. Probably too hot. The water was nearly scalding his flesh, actually. It sort of hurt, but it wasn’t like he cared all that much. In fact, he probably deserved it, seeing as he was stupid enough to forget about setting his alarm the night before. He wouldn’t have even gotten himself into this mess if he had just remembered the alarm, which was something that he did _every day_ , how could he possibly forget? 

Kano let out a heaving sigh, his arms pressed up against the tiles of the shower wall. That shouldn’t have happened back there. See, Kano? _That_ was the result of being careless. Getting too comfortable and forgetting how disgusting you actually are, he reminded himself.

The strawberry shampoo lathered nicely in his hands, but Shintaro must have used it recently, considering how much lighter it felt as compared to before. Shintaro seemed to like the scent. It was probably just because Ayano used it, but hey, maybe he liked strawberries, too? Then again, he really didn’t ever seem to eat fruits. Or anything healthy for that matter. Shintaro would probably explode someday due to a lack of vitamins in his system, which was pretty funny to think about, or at least it would be, in any other circumstance.

His eyes drifted to the digits on his left wrist, staring at them for only a moment before looking away. Timers were pretty stupid, anyway.

More importantly, there were certain other matters to deal with. Shintaro being the biggest of them all. He’d clearly seen the scars, hadn’t he? Definitely. The thought made him grit his teeth, running the loofah against his quickly reddening skin. Unfortunately, Kano had already come to realise his soulmate as being incredibly intelligent type of person. It was a little irritating, honestly. There wasn’t too much that could slip past Shintaro. _Hence,_ the alarm every morning. It wasn’t as if he liked getting up at 7- In fact, there was absolutely nothing good about getting up that early. People were insane for doing that willingly, when they didn’t have any sort of scars to hide with makeup.

(Okay, so, sure, Kousuke got up at 7 every morning, too. But he was buff. And he had a gym membership. At least he was getting his money’s worth, Kano snorted.)

What was Shintaro doing in the bedroom earlier, anyway…?

Oh. Yeah. He was going to pee or something. Kano began rinsing the shampoo out of his hair quickly as he thought. As much as he’d like to blame this entire problem on Shintaro, it wasn’t like he did anything wrong. It was past 11 in the morning when he woke up, after all. Who knew, anyway? Maybe sleeping in for once was good. He needed the rest. Functioning on so little sleep every night was really starting to get to him.

Kano shut off the water, grabbing a towel off the rack and quickly drying himself, before moving over to the closet and picking out a hoodie with the longest sleeves he could find. Said hoodie was black, and it had never really fit Kano properly. Tsubomi gave it to him the year previous for a Christmas present, saying that he’d grow into it someday, and felt the need to comment on how “it wasn’t that day quite yet”, whenever he changed into it. What a jerk.

It took less than five minutes to slasher on some foundation and set it on his face, but today, the scars seemed even more prominent than ever before. Kano tapped some extra concealer on the bags under his eyes, which didn’t do much, really, but it made him feel at least somewhat productive.

Fuck.

Kano stared at himself hard in the mirror, tapping at his cheeks, examining his scars- especially the one from a quite nasty run in with a broken wine glass. Boy, that had sure been a fun day!

Shintaro must have seen all of it.

But there was a chance he didn’t. And there was a chance that even if he did see, he wouldn’t do anything.

Shintaro was strange like that- He’d occasionally get weird bursts of confidence and make snarky remarks from out of nowhere, or he’d be oddly subdued and almost submissive for absolutely no reason at all. The latter was happening more frequently as of late, but Kano wasn’t quite sure why. It was probably better not to look a gift horse in the mouth, anyway.

Either way, Shintaro absolutely didn’t need to know about the scarring, the reasons for it, nothing. Anything could be fixed with a little bit of lying. (As if, what a great world that would be.)

His hair still wet, Kano walked into the living room, legs feeling like led as he moved. Or more like… slumped. Yeah. That was better, he just about slumped into the room, falsely plastering a grin to his face as he flopped onto the couch, right next to a very dead-looking Shintaro.

“Hey.”

Shintaro jumped up, the bags under his eyes prominent as he sat up, blinking several times before moving in just the slightest bit closer to Kano’s face. His eyes narrowed slightly. Kano remained unfazed. (Fuck. Shintaro definitely had noticed earlier. Maybe he’d still be able to salvage this.)

“Sorry about earlier. I was just a little irritated that you interrupted my beauty sleep, that’s all!” Kano said brightly, giving Shintaro a very much practiced grin, to which the other didn’t seem satisfied with in the least.

“Yeah,” Shintaro murmured, rolling over just enough to make room for his soulmate on the couch. “Whatever you say, Kano.”

The comment left an awkward feeling lingering in the air that Kano felt as if he could just reach out and grab. Maybe strangle, or something. There was something about it that just didn’t sit right with him. Maybe it was the way Shintaro’s eyes flickered from his cheeks to the floor, quickly, like if he did it fast enough, Kano wouldn’t notice. (Of course he would.)

The entire thing was starting to make him really uncomfortable, honestly.

It wasn’t the first time someone had noticed his scars, then pretended as if they hadn’t. It had happened during elementary school, too, before his foster mother took them all into her custody and into her own instruction. The way that their pupils would linger on his face for just long enough for the intentions behind the gaze to become all too deliberate. It’d be pity, sometimes. Often with adults who had some sort of hero complex that had been haphazardly crafted out of a stone formed from their own needs of self-validation. (filthy filthy filthy fithy dirty dirty dirty dirty _disgusting disgusting disgusting-_ )

Kano fiddled with his fingers momentarily before leaning into the spot that Shintaro had cleared for him and shaking out his wet hair onto the other’s shirt, and the reaction was instantaneous- and just what he had hoped. Shintaro made a rather comedic noise, hopping backwards and staring at him with wide eyes.

“What the _hell!?_ ” Shintaro yelped. “You’re still all wet…!”

“Oh, hm, am I?” Kano asked, tipping his head slightly to the side and resting it on the heel of his right hand. “I didn’t notice.”

“Bullshit.”

“No, really, see, I have this rare condition where I can’t feel water on my skin or on my hair. Really! I can’t feel it at all. It’s so rare that when I was born, the doctors suggested that maybe I should just live the rest of my life inside an isolated tube devoid of anything but pure oxygen and only eat oatmeal for the rest of my life while I watch daytime television!”

Shintaro only stared for a second, before eventually snorting in what seemed to be genuine laughter- That made Kano’s heart beat a bit quicker, who knew why. He seemed resigned as he stood up, stretching a bit as he made his way into the bathroom, pulling a dry towel off of the rack before placing it in Kano’s lap.

“Dry your hair. It’s dumb to keep it all wet like that,” Shintaro suggested, settling himself back down. “You’re going to get sick.”

The concern was practically oozing out of the other, Kano noted sarcastically. He’d have to pass for this one. But it was almost funny, the way Shintaro acted as if he’d ever _actually_ dry his hair. That just… wasn’t his style. Nope.

“You can’t get sick from being wet, either, y’know,” He commented dryly. “I would’ve thought that you knew that already, Shintaro.”

“I know,” Shintaro said, reaching out for the towel and taking it between two hands. “I just thought I should say that first instead of something mean like, ‘Stop dripping water all over the couch, what are you, a whale?’ instead.”

That one was pretty good. His soulmate was gradually starting to become more talented at comebacks. Kano chuckled a bit, which caused Shintaro to pause briefly, before gently placing the towel on his head and rather clumsily rubbing it around.

It was strange, to say the least. Shintaro drying his hair.

It wasn’t like Shintaro had had any sort of experience with that sort of thing, presumably, because he was more like just spreading the water around than actually getting somewhere with the whole “drying” situation, but what was more concerning was the fact that he was doing at all. Kano’s cheeks heated up, but only briefly, probably, because the entire situation was more funny than tender. (Probably.)

Shintaro’s slight breathing could be heard from behind him as the towel swiped over the back of his neck.

“Hey, Shintaro?” Kano asked, quietly, of course. The gentle rubs slowed momentarily, but the other made a small noise indicating that he was listening, so he continued. “Do you really hate water on the couch that much?”

Pause.

A sigh, then a laugh. (Maybe. Kano wasn’t too sure about the laugh part. It could have just been a snort, or something. Maybe he swallowed a bug.)

“Yeah. I just really, really hate water, and that’s why I’m sitting here, drying your hair.”

“Ah, good, that’s what I thought!”

It wasn’t like Shintaro lingered or anything- No, he actually finished up sooner than expected, and Kano wasn’t too sure why or what had even possessed him to do such a thing in the first place. Maybe it was the guilt that came from walking in on him sleeping, but either way, he wasn’t complaining. When Shintaro acted nice, he could almost pretend like he was in a fulfilling, happy relationship with a soulmate that loved him, instead of their stunted, doomed excuse of human interactions.

(That would never happen. A happy relationship with Shintaro.)

After finishing up, Shintaro tossed the towel aside, yawning as he set his phone on the side of the couch and closed his eyes. Maybe he didn’t get enough sleep or something? But then again, Shintaro always looked like he had never slept, or even had ever heard of beds ever.

“Shintaro,” Kano began, his voice speaking before his mind had the chance to catch up. “Let’s get some more sleep. We can do stuff later. It’s not like we have any work to do, right?”

There was a noise of approval from the other end of the couch.

“I don’t feel like moving, so you can take the bed,” Shintaro nodded, his eyes fluttering open briefly before shutting entirely. “I just need like ten more minutes.”

Kano scoffed.

“I’m not moving. I just got comfortable. You can have the bed.”

“It’s yours, I said.”

“Nope. Either you go or we share this tiny ass couch.”

Shintaro seemed to consider this (as much as he could), before sighing heavily and sinking further into the cushions of the couch.

“Then we’ll just share.”

Strangely enough, despite every single muscle in his body telling him to run out and flop onto that cushy bed, Kano didn’t move a single inch. It was probably just the exhaustion setting in, but he didn’t really care all that much. Instant sleep was so much more appealing than “getting up and moving somewhere else” sleep. His eyelids heavy, Kano drifted within a matter of minutes.

Both his and Shintaro’s feet were brushing against each other’s on the couch, but neither cared enough to pull away.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT 8/21: i think i fixed most of the weird stuff in the chap... hooray
> 
> oh my god you guys
> 
> this chapter is a damn monster. its 6:40 am and i havent slept yet bc my ass was like "i can finish this before 3!" nope. nope. anyways. 10.8K CHAPTER YEAHH... also NEW KAGEPRO ANIME YEAHH AND THE NOVEL IS COMING OUT SOON TOO?? im so hyped. anyways!!! i hope you enjoy this chapter bc im going to bed now,,, i'll probably edit a little bit later tho, so if u find an assload of typos thats bc im tired haha. ill fix them. (also im using christmas for this chapter bc in japan christmas isnt really... a super religious thing, yknow? its more just abt the celebration for most ppl, so i hope no one is upset by it)
> 
> my twitter is @chibitalex. if you wanna talk kanoshins, hmu!
> 
> alright. that's it!! ok tho i have to say it again, THANK YOU so much for all of your support of this series???! im flat out astounded, honestly!! thank you. thank you thank you. i love hearing your feedback, so if you enjoy, feel free to leave a comment or smth!! enjoy.

          In hindsight, maybe they should have considered preparations for Christmas before the 23rd, but Shintaro had quickly come to the realisation not long after they moved in that neither of them especially enjoyed discussing the future. In fact, aside from doing what was absolutely necessary, both Kano and he put things off for as long as they possibly could. (That was another similarity between them. The list was quickly growing, much to Shintaro’s dismay.)

“I don’t really like Christmas,” Shintaro offered, glancing over at Kano, who was sketching something out on a clean pad of paper. The boy looked up from his work almost reluctantly, but did so, nonetheless. Kano gave him an expectant look, as if prompting him to finish his thought. “It just isn’t very fun. It’s sort of awkward. I don’t really know what to get people.”

Kano seemed amused by this, and set his pencil down momentarily to clamber over to the couch. The mountain of pillows and blankets seemed to swallow him, which served to accentuate how tiny he really was, but only by a little bit, because he also kind of looked like a king on his throne, surrounded by the finest silk in all of the land.

“Do you know _why_ you don’t know what to get people?” Kano asked, pulling a pillow into his lap with a smirk.

Shintaro raised his eyebrows. This was a trap, clearly, but it was always interesting to see exactly _how_ his soulmate was going to make a jab at him. It wasn’t like any of them were especially personal, anyway. (At least, not anymore.)

“Fine. I’ll bite. Why, Kano? Enlighten me.”

“Because you don’t listen to the needs of the people around you!” Kano said, nudging Shintaro’s thigh with his foot. “I mean, in this week alone, I’ve asked you to pick up brownie mix at _least_ ten times, and you didn’t get it. You just got soda. I don’t even _like_ soda. Who does that? I just want to make some delicious brownies, and you just don’t listen to me.”

“Making brownies isn’t a need,” Shintaro rolled his eyes. That devilish sweet tooth of his was really starting to become a problem- It wasn’t like he really ate sweets to begin with, but on the off chance that he _did_ want a cookie or something, Kano would always try to subtly break off pieces and act like that was just the way it came in the box. (“Sorry, Shintaro, I guess that’s just the way the cookie crumbles!” _“There’s chocolate on your fucking cheek, you asshole, don’t try to pun your way out of this one.”_ ) Silently, he tipped his head back, staring up at the ceiling. “And I do listen. Just the other day, I bought you more of your shampoo, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, after you used the whole bottle yourself!” Kano sniffed. The foot nudged Shintaro again, to which he paid very little attention to. “Anyway… What do you even want for Christmas? I hate picking out gifts, so I’d rather you’d just tell me what to buy.”

“You can buy yourself a house and move out of here. That’d be a great present.”

Kano snorted in what Shintaro could only assume was a mixture of irritation and amusement. Turned out, the other didn’t really mind teasing, provided that Shintaro was at least funny. Which he wasn’t, most of the time, but it seemed to work out well enough.

“No, really. If you want an actual present, you’d better just tell me, otherwise, you’re getting something stupid,” Kano said, closing his eyes. “That is, _if_ we’re exchanging presents or something.”

“Is there a reason why we wouldn’t exchange presents?”

The foot on his thigh pushed a bit harder, which was actually starting to hurt a bit. Wincing, Shintaro grabbed him by the ankle and gently moved the limb up, allowing Kano’s foot to rest on top of his thigh instead of just pushing into him. The boy grunted, but he didn’t kick him or anything, so it was probably fine to leave it there. And besides, Kano was pretty warm, and it was fairly chilly in the apartment, despite the heat being on near full blast.

“It’s just a little intimate, don’t you think?” Kano responded nonchalantly, looking off towards the window. He shifted a bit, leaning further into his mounds of pillows. “Sounds like something a _couple_ would do.”

Raising an eyebrow, Shintaro looked over at the boy, who seemed to find something _very_ interesting out the window, because he certainly wasn’t looking anywhere in his direction.

“I… Uh, I mean, not really… people give each other presents on Christmas, right…?” Shintaro replied quickly.

Gift-giving was normal during the holidays, but Kano might have had a point about the whole “private, one-on-one gift exchange” thing. He wasn’t entirely sure. Couples definitely _did_ do those private gift exchanges during the holiday season. The ones where the couple would think about what to buy each other, and then sit around a fire and shyly hand each other their presents. And then go to their room afterwards and sleep together, curling up close and sharing each other’s warmth. (In more ways than one, too… _No,_ Shintaro reminded himself, _get your mind out of the gutter._ )

Kano simply shrugged, rolling his shoulders back. “Yeah, but it’s just sort of weird if we’re the only ones exchanging gifts... It gets that weird, intimate feeling… Like that kind of couple-y, ‘holding hands by the fire’ vibe?”

“Do you just not want to have Christmas this year, then?” Shintaro asked. “It’s not really a big deal.”

“What’s wrong with you, Shintaro? Of course I want to have Christmas this year! Do you not?” He seemed actually offended, which wasn’t something that Shintaro had been expecting, to say the least. Sputtering momentarily, he shook his head.

“I like Christmas, I guess? But I don’t really care about it all that much. My dad hasn’t been around since I was little, so… It wasn’t a family holiday or anything...” Shintaro said. “And Momo’s been working for a few years now, so she isn’t around that much during winter breaks. We pretty much just make cookies, hand each other some socks or something, and then call it a day.”

It was a lot better when his dad was there, really. From what Shintaro could remember, anyway, seeing as his only memories of his family’s earlier Christmases dated back over 10 years ago. Kano didn’t appear to be listening, but maybe he was, because the boy nodded slowly, before turning back to face him.

“I’m pretty much the opposite, I guess. Christmas only started becoming important to me about 10 years ago,” Kano said, after a moment of hesitation, but didn’t elaborate beyond that. “My family always made it fun. So… If you don’t feel like celebrating it, I’m just going to go home for the 25th, okay?”

The news in itself wasn’t that surprising, and really, it’d be fine if Kano wanted to go see his family, because why wouldn’t it be? Especially during Christmas. Kano hadn’t talked very much about his home life, aside from random tidbits about Ayano here and there, but from the little that Shintaro had been able to gather, it was evident that family wasn’t a value lost on Kano. It was only natural that he’d like to see them over the holidays.

Plus, didn’t he say that he was adopted, too? Weren’t adopted siblings supposed to be even closer than most blood siblings or something? Yeah, something like that, probably, Shintaro assured himself.

“I don’t mind celebrating it, but you should go see your family, anyway.”

(If his subtimer was anything to go by, this would be the last Christmas that Kano would ever be able to celebrate. To keep him from his family would be cruel.)

Kano looked him over for a moment, narrowing his eyes.

“That’s so depressing, though. Staying alone for Christmas? Are you trying to guilt trip me into staying with you?”

Shintaro snorted.

“I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

A night to himself didn’t sound bad at all, actually. He could use the time to catch up on some shows he’d been watching, maybe play a game or something… And aside from that, going from living in his own room all his life to suddenly having a very present roommate made for a rather abrupt change. Certain things could only be done in the privacy of your own room, after all… And while the walls between the apartments were pretty soundproof, the walls within the individual units were a much, much different story. Spending some time alone with himself and his computer was actually pretty appealing, now that Shintaro was thinking about it.

Although, with a quick glance over at Kano, it was easy to tell that he had different plans.

The boy didn’t bother to stand up, seemingly too comfortable to move, but still, he slammed the palm of his hand against the side of the couch in what appeared to be a declaration of intent.

“You know what?”

“What…?”

“We should have a Christmas party.”

“I don’t want to.” Shintaro responded immediately. Kano wasn’t put off at all by this, and only sat up straighter, counting off on his fingers.

“So, after you and me…” He began, thinking. His tongue stuck slightly out of his mouth as he counted the number of hypothetical guests. “My dad, Kousuke, Tsubomi, Ayano… There’s also your mom and your sister, too, right?”

Dumbly, Shintaro nodded, reaching over for his phone, maybe to ask his mom whether or not she’d be able to bake something for this hypothetical party. Maybe. Parties weren’t really his thing. Despite this, Shintaro found himself thinking of how he should introduce himself to Kano’s family. ( _Hello, I’m Shintaro Kisaragi! Your brother is my soulmate, and I agreed to come to this party because I don’t have the heart to seriously say no to someone who’s set to die in less than two months. Nice to meet you!_ )

“That’s 8 people, then! It’s not really a party so much as it is a get-together,” Kano explained. “You don’t seem like a party person, right, Shintaro?”

“What gave it away?”

Snorting, Kano patted the coffee table, inching his fingers forward until he could grab his phone.

“Just a hunch. It’s okay, though, I’m the same,” The boy replied simply, voice lighter than usual. “Anyway. That should be okay, right? Just a small get-together. Nothing too big.”

Tapping out a quick message, Shintaro continued nodding, which was probably starting to annoy Kano, based on the disapproving glare the other was giving him, but it was sort of annoying to text and talk at the same time.

_[GRP MSG: 12/23 3:32:56 PM]_

_ME: Do you want to get together at Kano’s house for a Christmas party?_

_MOMO: ooOOOOOOOO yeah yeah yeah thatll be fun!!!!_

_BIRTHGIVER: I can make a cake if you give me the address. Love you, sweetie. :) Glad to see that you’re finally getting along with him. Don’t forget to take your medicine. So proud of you._

“My mom said that she’d be okay with that. So did Momo.” Shintaro said, showing the screen to his Kano, who peered at the screen for a second before turning his own phone towards Shintaro. Apparently, his siblings were very much okay with it, as demonstrated by the excessive usage of smiley faces from both “Kousuke” and Ayano. (Ayano in particular, seemed incredibly happy. Seventeen smileys in a row happy.)

Kano tossed his phone over onto the table, which hit the wood with a rather loud _thunk_ that made Shintaro sit up and look over to see if the delicate touch screen had survived its abuse, but Kano just waved him off.

“The thing has a case, it’s fine. Probably. I think.”

That sort of carelessness was what would probably bring the boy’s phone to an untimely end someday, but Shintaro didn’t feel the urge to tell him this, strangely. Instead, he simply peeked over the edge of the couch, and settled back into the cushions when the fallen phone was nowhere near his line of sight.

“You’d better be careful with that. It’s still pretty breakable…” He responded lazily, his eyes drifting down to the foot resting on his thigh, which Kano had apparently not felt like moving. Funnily enough, he was wearing fuzzy socks- too big to fit into the boots that he usually wore. During the winter, that had become a telltale sign that Kano wasn’t planning on going out that day. If he was wearing fuzzy socks, Shintaro didn’t bother asking him for anything. Any jabs at Kano’s dumb socks before Shintaro walked out the door were typically just shrugged off. Though, the same was true in reverse: If Shintaro was wearing his slippers, Kano would go out and get groceries without even being asked, after a few comments about how lazy Shintaro was. They had worked out something of a system based solely off of comfortable footwear, actually, and it worked out incredible well.

Kano’s toes curled a bit, from what he could tell through the fabric.

“It’s really cold in here,” Kano murmured, his other leg flopping up to rest both of his feet on Shintaro’s thighs. “Feel like being a footrest, Shit-naro?”

An annoyed groan unconsciously escaped from between Shintaro’s lips, tipping his head back and closing his eyes.

“For your feet? Gross.”

“Shut the hell up.”

_“Gross.”_

Shintaro was quickly met with a pillow to the face with a surprising amount of force- which sort of hurt, actually- before he pinched the bottom of Kano’s foot. The other jumped a bit, yelping quietly in response. There was an annoyed face from his soulmate for a second, until Kano’s expression suddenly melted into a sly smirk.

“Do what you want, I guess! I’ll just have to get you back when it comes time to exchange presents at the party, huh?”

Strangely enough, though Kano said this, Shintaro wasn’t even slightly nervous.

In fact, he was almost excited for the party.

Almost.

* * *

            Christmas came silently- The forecast called for snow, but none came, though the sky was fairly grey. The apartment was colder than usual, probably due to the complete lack of heat outside, but it was Shintaro’s turn for the bed, so it wasn’t too bad. Kano took the couch, but had picked up an electric blanket the night before- something about a weird, Christmas Eve flash sale- so that he wouldn’t have to freeze. The day passed almost lethargically in the hours leading up to the party, with Kano making some cups of hot chocolate to have with their breakfast, after some insistence that “it was Christmas, and they just _had_ to”.

“Are you ready to go?”

Kano’s voice was muffled through the bedroom door, but truth be told, Shintaro could barely hear him over the rustling of the clothes in the closet.

“One second!”

There was absolutely _nothing_ to wear in the damn closet. And he was honestly looking, too.

But it wasn’t like Shintaro had ever attended a Christmas party before. Or really, any sort of party outside of family ones, for that matter. What did people wear to Christmas parties? Did it even matter?

Realistically speaking, no one was probably expecting much out of him, anyway. It wasn’t that big of a deal, but still. Shintaro would like to wear something classier than a simple jersey or a battered, black hoodie.

“Come on, the taxi’s here! I’m seriously going to leave you if you don’t get out!”

Knowing Kano, he wasn’t kidding around in the slightest. Shit. Shintaro grabbed fistfuls of his hair in frustration, before reaching into the very back of the closet and tugging out a sweater, half hooked onto a hanger that he wasn’t even aware of. Tossing the sweater onto the bed, he quickly changed into it, patting down the itchy wool until it didn’t seem quite as abrasive as before. He only had a moment to peek in the mirror before leaving, but a moment was really all that he wanted.

To put it lightly, the sweater wasn’t visually appealing.

Though if Shintaro was being honest, he’d have to say that the sweater was the worst mish-mosh of clashing colours and snowmen and reindeer that he had ever seen in his life. Most of it was red, but some parts were green and white, which was supposed to make it look more coordinated... Possibly? Shintaro wasn’t sure. His mom wasn’t exactly colourblind, but she didn’t have the best eye for design. Still, she would be happy to see him wearing the sweater. It had been years since he had worn anything that she made. For good reasons, but the point still stood.

“Coming!” Shintaro grabbed his phone, shoving it in his back pocket on the way out, before slamming open the bedroom door and scurrying over to the front of the apartment, where a very bored looking Kano was standing, leaning against the open frame of the door. Looking up, Kano went pale upon seeing his shirt.

“You... Are you serious? Did you do this on purpose?” The boy sputtered, pointing limply at his sweater.

“Okay, look, I know it’s ugly, but my mom made it, and I-“ Shintaro began to defend himself, looking off, before his eyes wandered over to Kano, and suddenly it made sense why the other was so distraught.

Kano was wearing a sweater.

An ugly, holiday sweater.

Mostly red, but there were some green trees on a white landscape. Santa was directly in the center, as plump as ever.

Sure, it wasn’t _exactly_ the same sweater. There were clear differences, but the bottom line was that they were both wearing horrendous Christmas sweaters.

There was a long, pregnant silence, before Kano began to snicker, smirking in that very much Kano-esque manner that had the potential to either slightly annoy Shintaro on a good day, or enrage him on a bad one.

“Is this your idea of flirting, or something? Wearing a matching sweater? That’d probably work better on a girl, don’t you think?” The other asked, prompting a very flustered, irritated Shintaro to turn around in an attempt to go change, before Kano simply waved him off. “We have to go now. Besides, I’m just messing with you, anyway! You wouldn’t _believe_ how much fun it is!”

“You know what else is fun, Kano?” Shintaro murmured, shutting the door behind them and locking it hastily. “Pushing your soulmate down a flight of stairs.”

“Ah, nice try, but we take the elevator to the ground floor!”

“Dammit. Still, that was pretty good, right?”

“Not a bad threat. I’d give it a 5 out of 10.”

There was no stair-pushing-down as they made their way downstairs, and things were fairly quiet in the taxi, all things considered. Kano didn’t seem to enjoy talking too much in the presence of strangers, and only did so if he felt that he had to- Another thing that Shintaro had figured out, but it wasn’t like he himself was any different in that sense. The ride to Kano’s old home wasn’t especially long, but it was still irritating to fork over the 2000 yen fare, which they split evenly between the two of them.

From what he could tell, the family home of Kano was just a bit to the side of the suburbs, partially surrounded by woods. It really gave off that “childhood home” sort of feeling, which was very suitable for the place that also fostered Ayano as she grew up. Christmas lights adorned the gutters, the windows, even some of the bushes outside. Diligently, Shintaro followed Kano into the house, taking off his shoes at the door, as requested. The entire building smelled _heavily_ of cookies, which wouldn’t normally be a bad thing, but it almost felt cloyingly sweet. Sort of like an artificial scratch and sniff sticker. Though, it _was_ Christmas, so the scent felt more welcoming that anything.

“Just follow me. Try not to be rude, okay? This is my family, after all…” Kano muttered, smoothing down his ugly sweater, before raising his voice, cupping his hands around his mouth. “I’m home!”

“I’m only rude to you, you know…” Shintaro whispered in response, to which the other just laughed, seeming as if he was going make a comeback, but stopping short on account of the thudding footsteps emerging from the kitchen.

A frog in a Santa hat emerged from around the corner.

“Kousuke!” Kano called out, flashing a grin.

The frog had a name, apparently.

“Kousuke” gave the both of them a blinding smile, before almost immediately opening his arms to the both of them, enveloping both Kano and Shintaro in a very, very _tight_ hug. Gasping for air, Shintaro weakly patted the man on the back.

“Shuuya! Shintaro! It’s so good to see you guys!” Kousuke said, releasing the two of them after almost a solid minute of anaconda-like behaviour. Still grinning, he extended a hand to Shintaro. “I’m Kousuke Seto! Oh, but since Shuuya goes by his last name around you, you can call me Seto for now.”

Seto’s grip was intimidatingly strong, but his hands were pretty soft, especially for someone who looked like they worked out every day. Shintaro nodded, shaking his hand quickly, before taking a step back. For once, being next to Kano was actually more soothing than it was nerve-wracking.

“Shintaro Kisaragi. Just Shintaro is fine. And, uh, it’s nice to meet you too.” Shintaro gulped, his nerves tense as he looked over the giant before him. Short black hair, hazel coloured eyes, and a yellow clip pinning several stray locks of hair out of his eyes. Despite their slightly similar eye colour, however, it was evident that Kano and Seto weren’t related by blood whatsoever, but by the way they were grinning at each other, it seemed pretty clear to Shintaro that they were close.

“Well?” Kano said, shuffling over to Seto’s side and clapping a hand on his shoulder. “Isn’t he the coolest? He’s like a gentle giant!”

Shintaro opened his mouth to respond, but before he could even get a word out, a girl came around the corner, her long hair tied up in a ponytail, carrying a casserole dish filled with something that smelled absolutely _delicious_. She barely made eye contact with the group before passing through the foyer and setting the dish on a table in the next room over.

“Oh, Tsubomi’s here already? I thought she would still be out shopping!” Kano grinned, practically bouncing over to the girl, Seto trailing not far behind. “Tsubomi, I brought Shintaro home!”

“Tsubomi” softened when her and Kano’s eyes met, despite her initially cold exterior. It seemed that she really had missed him, after all.

“Are you just here to introduce your new husband to us?” The girl said, raising an eyebrow, which only caused both Shintaro’s face to flush quite spectacularly, but when he nervously turned to Kano, the other didn’t seem to be faring any better; even in the red and green lights from the decorations, his blush was quite evident.

“Huh? Uh… no, that’s, ah…”

“I’m Kido.” She said, walking over to Shintaro and extending her left hand, much in the same way that Seto had done just a minute ago. Her eyes were a dark grey, but she had the same look on her face that his mom did whenever she patted him on the head. “Did you two wear those sweaters on purpose?”

“Nope. Just a coincidence, that’s all! Shintaro, why don’t you introduce yourself?” Kano said quickly, his cheeks still the slightest bit red, which was a little endearing, unfortunately. (At the very least, it was endearing enough that Shintaro kept his eyes on the other for maybe a little longer than he needed to, before turning to Kido.)

“I’m Shintaro. It’s nice to meet you.”

Ignoring Kano’s breathy comment about how half-assed his introduction was, Shintaro took her hand in his shaking it once, which caused the fabric of her sleeve to bunch up in just the slightest. It was an accident, really, but the numbers on her skin were fairly evident in the colourful light. His eyes widened slightly as he released his grip, before weakly taking a step back, only barely mustering the courage to mention the numbers.

“Hey, Kido, your timer…”

“Is about to go off?” She finished for him, shifting anxiously to her other foot. “Yeah… I know.”

Kano and Seto both perked up at that, both bounding over to her and pulling up the fabric on her wrist.

“Tsubomi! You didn’t even tell us!” Seto grinned, ruffling her hair with one hand.

“I don’t look at it that often, so I only realised that it was going to go off today earlier this morning, sorry,” Kido said, attempting to push down her sleeve, or rather, pry it out of Kano’s grip. “That… That does mean that it’ll be someone at the party, though, right?”

Seto nodded, affectionately rubbing her shoulders. With the way that he was smiling, it would seem as if he was the one whose timer was about to run out. It was pretty endearing, Shintaro thought, how they all crowded around her like she was a middle schooler about to go to her first school dance. Which was also pretty funny, considering that compared to the height of his siblings, Kano really _did_ seem short, though Shintaro kept his mouth shut about this.

“Yep!” Kano said, watching her wrist intently, despite her best efforts to get them all to give her a bit of space. “There’s seriously a minute left. Are you ready? Ready to meet your beloved wife?”

At least it didn’t seem that Kano’s teasing wasn’t just limited to him, but despite this, Kido did nothing more than flush slightly as she stared at her wrist, going limp.

“I hope so.”

It was at that moment that the telltale noise of tires on a gravel driveway came from just outside of the noise, slightly muffled through the door, but recognizable, nonetheless. With a quick peak out of the window, it was obvious who it was- Shintaro could recognize that beaten down red sedan from just about anywhere.

“Who is it?” Kano whispered, much closer to him than he had remembered him being before.

“Momo and my mom.”

Kido made a small, surprised noise from behind them.

“Shintaro… Are you the brother of Momo Kisaragi?” She asked, suddenly beginning to shrink into herself for some unknown reason. “Is she your little sister?”

Just as Shintaro was about to turn around and confirm her speculations, the door slammed open, without any sort of warning. No knocking, no tapping, nothing- Just the wood heaving against the wall with a heavy thump. In a way, it almost made him smile, despite Kano’s startled jump next to him. There was only one person in the world who would open a door like that, after all.

Momo came through the door, as expected, her eyes fixated on her wrist with a determined sort of look that Shintaro had only been witness to a few times in his life, before locking eyes with him, then Kano, then Seto, and finally, onto Kido.

And she almost melted when she did.

“You!” Momo said, her face the epitome of pure happiness as she scurried over to Kido, taking one of the taller girl’s hands in her own. Kido only sputtered in response, her face having gone entirely red by this point. “What’s your name?”

“Tsubomi. Tsubomi Kido, and you’re…” Kido took a deep breath, glancing down at Shintaro’s sister’s hands several times before managing to finish the rest of her sentence. “Momo Kisaragi, right…? I… I really love your work!”

After a moment of silence, Momo broke into a wide grin, throwing herself around Kido and burying her face into her shoulder affectionately- to which the other didn’t really seem to know how to react. She apparently settled with gently, tentatively returning the hug, though even from the foyer, Shintaro could see her hands trembling.

“I’m so happy… I’m so happy that my soulmate likes my music…!”

Kido sputtered, her long hair swishing as she nervously lifted her wrist to check what everyone else in the room had already figured out by that point, face going white, then an even deeper shade of red once it fully set in what was going on. Momo, in the meantime, didn’t appear to mind Kido’s nervousness, choosing instead to just hold her close and smile against her shirt.

Slowly, Kido squeezed her, and the validation made Momo practically purr with happiness as she looked up.

“Soulmate, let’s go get to know each other, okay?” Momo said, giggling slightly as she backed up, her hand still in Kido’s. “Oh, and can I call you Tsubomi?”

Shintaro cleared his throat from the corner of the room. It almost felt intrusive to be watching their moment, but Momo did have the tendency to get a bit over affectionate when it came to people she was close to platonically, so who knew how cuddly she’d get with her soulmate? Kano was simply grinning in that cat-like way that he usually did, but he seemed happy for his sister, at least. Seto’s grin hadn’t broken since Shintaro had gotten in, honestly, but he seemed a bit happier than before. Maybe. The guy was just… happy, no other word could describe it any better.

At some point during this, Shintaro saw his mom come in through the corner of his eye, but she too remained silent until Kido took a step to the side and began to quietly guide Momo to the side of the room.

“I’m going to show Momo the kitchen for now… But we should be out as soon as the dinner is ready. Until then, it was nice meeting you, Shintaro,” She turned towards his mother. “Mrs. Kisaragi, it’s very nice to meet you, but since the cornbread is about to burn, I’ll properly introduce myself a bit later, if you don’t mind?”

His mother, unstrapping her boots in the foyer, gave Kido a warm smile.

“Of course, dear. You’re my daughter now, after all.”

After a bit of stuttering and blushing from Kido, some laughter from Momo, and some reassuring words from his mother, they eventually excused themselves, walking out of the main room hand in hand. This left only him, his mother, Kano, and Seto left in the room for the time being, which was two about two people off from the expected guests, but Ayano had mentioned earlier that she’d be a bit late. As for Kano’s dad, though, he had no clue. Maybe he just didn’t like to pry himself away from work.

At some point along the way, Seto had lessened the gap between all of them, introducing himself to Shintaro’s mother with that same, strong smile and grip as before, before excusing himself into the other room as well, saying something about needing to go find their father. And just like that, he was left alone in the room between his soulmate and his mother. Kano seemed to be chomping at the bit, waiting to say something to his mother, but he was apparently not going to take the first step and say something until Shintaro introduced the two of them. On the other hand, his mother was waiting patiently, warmly smiling at the pair until Shintaro cleared his throat and stepped between them.

“Mom, this is Shuuya Kano,” Shintaro said gruffly, unsure of how to continue the sentence. It wouldn’t be polite to leave it at that, would it? No, probably not. He slowly began to speak again. “My soulmate.”

The word hung in the air, but his mother quickly brought a very startled Kano into her arms and rubbed his back, much in the same way that she usually did to Shintaro. The boy stiffened, but soon relaxed, laughing lightly when his mother backed away.

“It’s so good to meet you, Shuuya! I’ve heard so much about you,” His mother said, her eyes warm and loving. While it was true that she had heard “so much about” Kano, it wasn’t like most of it was good or anything, so maybe she shouldn’t have been so quick to throw the phrase around. Shintaro winced a bit. Still, it seemed to do the trick, because although Kano spared a quick glance at him, he didn’t seem off put in any way. “I’m Shintaro’s mother, but you can go ahead and just call me ‘Mom’ for now, okay? Or, if that’s not comfortable, just ‘Mrs. Kisaragi’ is fine, too, dear.”

Kano grinned at her, his eyes lighting up. He always seemed to do that when it came to strangers that he had to speak with, maybe to lay on the charm thick.

“It’s so great to meet you! That pie you made a few weeks ago was _absolutely_ delicious, thank you!” He chirped, beginning to gesture for the two of them to follow him into the living room. Really, though, who _wouldn’t_ follow Kano when he was laying on the charm this thick? He could probably lead an entire group of strangers off the side of a cliff, if he really wanted to. “Your son is behaving himself, by the way! I’m trying to get him to eat his vegetables and get him in bed by 9 every night.”

Shintaro furrowed his brows and opened his mouth to retort, but before he could, his mother simply laughed, moving through the hallway alongside him.

“That’s good to know, thank you for taking care of my boy! By the way, you have absolutely gorgeous eyes, dear. I’m sure you must be quite the charmer!” His mom smiled, resting her hand onto Kano’s shoulder in a very much motherly fashion, and it seemed to take a second for the compliment to settle in, because once it did, Kano could only manage to get out an embarrassed chuckle, followed by some soft “thank you”s and a clearing of the throat.

Unfortunately, it was cute. It was really cute, actually, which made Shintaro sort of want to go punch himself in the face.

They continued into the living room with some light small talk along the way, nothing too intense, though Shintaro nearly had a heart attack when his mother asked about their sweaters, promptly denying it and changing the subject to, oh, look how pretty the tree looks!

Truly enough, Seto really had done a great job setting up the tree. It wasn’t real or anything, but the sheer height of it made up for the plastic pine needles. The tacky green and red lights from the foyer weren’t wrapped around the tree, thank _god,_ because despite their charm, the little bulbs were starting to give Shintaro a bit of a headache. Warm, white light surrounded the tree like a blanket, along with what appeared to be handmade ceramics, loosely tied to the branches with colourful pieces of yarn.

Shintaro was suddenly reminded of the trees that his family used to have for Christmas, back when it actually mattered to all of them, before everything went wrong.

Kano and his mother were still talking, as Shintaro lazily slumped onto the couch, which was quite comfortable, but not as comfortable as the one that he and Kano had spent most of their evenings on over the past few months. (At this point, it was starting to smell like his soulmate, even when he wasn’t resting on it, which made Shintaro feel equal parts disturbed and comfortable, for some odd reason.)

“Shintaro?”

Snapped out of his thoughts, Shintaro blinked several times, before turning his attention to his mother.

“Your sister just called us in for dinner. Are you ready to eat?” She said, holding his hand in a way that was sort of embarrassing, because hey, even if he wasn’t necessarily trying to _impress_ Kano, it was still a little awkward to have your mom baby you in front of your soulmate. Said soulmate didn’t tease him, didn’t say anything, actually, and simply crossed his sweater covered arms, waiting for them both.

Typically, Shintaro didn’t eat as much as he probably should- that was something that had always remained constant, even after moving in with Kano. It wasn’t like Kano was much, better, though. He liked to whine about cake and other sweets whenever time allowed, but he didn’t seem to actively pursue them aside from occasionally picking them up from a nearby bakery and then stretching the leftovers for a week. On the plus side, at least the utter lack of snacking in the household took a huge chunk out of their food budget.

With his mom around, though? That was always a different story. His mother constantly fed people, until their bodies weren’t physically able to fit in another bite. And knowing her, the same would be true today, with everyone in the room. Even Kano. Especially Kano, perhaps, because he was probably the worse out of the two of them when it came to eating.

“Yeah,” Shintaro said, standing. “Let’s eat.”

* * *

           “You know…” Seto mused. “Shuuya seems pretty happy right now.”

“Of course he is; his big sister is talking to him. Why wouldn’t he be?” Shintaro replied lazily, nursing the cup of coffee that had gone cold over an hour ago. Seto had offered it, and really, he just wanted to be polite, but the drink tasted like shit. Honest to god shit. It wasn’t like he had coffee too often, usually opting for energy drinks or soda for that extra boost instead, but it seriously tasted awful. The last time he had drank any of the stuff was with his mom several weeks ago, but Shintaro couldn’t remember it tasting badly back then. Then again, he had sort of blocked that day out to the best of his abilities. “Ayano seems happy, too.”

Not like that was saying much. Around an hour after they had finished up dinner, Ayano came waltzing in, chilled to the bone, thoroughly frustrated that they had eaten without her. She got over it pretty quickly, though, and settled into the couch with a plate full of leftovers and a mountain of things to jabber on about. Currently, she was chatting to Kano about something unknown, but Kano seemed fairly relaxed, for once.

He _seemed_ relaxed, at least.

But then again, what would a stranger know?

Seto leaned against the wall, turning over to face Shintaro.

“So! Shintaro, why don’t you tell me about yourself? I want to know some things about you,” He said leisurely, angling his body to block Shintaro’s already limited view of Ayano and Kano. “What do you do for a living?”

“I work on freelance projects as a programmer,” Shintaro responded with a moment of awkward silence, like he was trying to figure out how to make his tongue cooperate with his teeth to get a coherent sentence out. “Kano does the design aspects if the clients need him… You know, I think he mentioned you a while back when we were budgeting for our apartment… He said that you could set him up with a job, if he needed it?”

Nodding, Seto pointed over to the tree. “That’s true! But I mostly do physical labor for work, like putting together that tree. I could have gotten him a job, but I’m not sure if Shuuya would be up to lugging around heavy things 24/7… He’s pretty strong, but I don’t think he’d be happy lifting things all day. And physically, he wouldn’t be able to get to a lot of the shelves without a step ladder, which would be a hassle, now that I’m thinking about it…”Grinning sheepishly, the boy clapped a hand onto Shintaro’s shoulder. “Guess I should thank you for figuring out a use for his talents instead, huh?”

Shintaro could have laughed at the idea of Kano carrying things around all day, but his soulmate was fairly used to carrying heavy loads from the grocery store. It wasn’t entirely out of the question that he’d be fairly strong.

“Has he been doing that for long?” Shintaro asked, stirring the cup of coffee again. “Design?”

“Oh, yeah. He’s been drawing for as long as I can remember,” Seto explained. “Even when we were in the orphanage, he’d doodle everywhere. He’s always been more of an abstract artist, though, so Kano doesn’t usually draw trees or people. It’s mostly all geometric, right?”

He should have been expecting the “orphanage” comment, as Kano had explained before that Ayano wasn’t his sister by blood, but for some reason, the word “orphanage” made Shintaro’s blood run cold. That was just another thing they seemed to have in common. Dead parents, or in Shintaro’s case, a dead parent, singular.

“You all were adopted together… right? So that means that you were all in the same orphanage growing up?” Shintaro asked, in an attempt to make the question seem as innocuous as possible, though probably failing judging by the slightly judgmental look Seto was giving him. (Actually, Seto probably wasn’t giving him any sort of look. It was likely just out of paranoia, but Shintaro couldn’t help that. His social anxiety was bad enough as it is.)

“Yeah,” Seto answered, without any hesitation or awkwardness. Just like he was talking about the weather. “We were all pretty traumatized coming in there. Well, Tsubomi and Shuuya were, anyway. I had been in there since the day after I was born. But still, we helped each other out. They were my first real friends, y’know? Aside from a pet that I used to have. My first real _human_ friends, I should say! Tsubomi and I are soulmates, too. See?”

He lifted up the sleeve of his shirt, revealing his right wrist and a solid set of zeroes against his tanned skin.

“My left timer is going to go off in a few weeks, actually… It’s strange, though, the date is within the week that I’ve deciding to go hiking out in the woods! I wonder what kind of person I’ll meet?” Seto smiled, pulling down his right sleeve. “That aside, though, I think I’m pretty lucky to live the kind of life that I do now.”

The way that the other was smiling, without a hint of mendacity, made Shintaro almost uncomfortable. To Seto, he was nothing but a stranger, and yet, there he was, revealing his life’s story and his timers like it was no big deal.

Maybe things would have been better from the start if he was more like the person in front of him. Hard-working. Honest. Accepting. Shintaro grit his teeth, eyes drifting back down to the now covered right hand of Kousuke Seto.

“The timer on your right wrist, is that just Kido’s?” Shintaro asked. “Or do you have one for Kano, too?”

Seto sadly smiled.

“Both Tsubomi and I don’t have a timer for Shuuya,” There was a brief pause. “Ayano doesn’t have one for him, either.”

Shintaro’s stomach dropped, craning his neck around unconsciously to steal a glance at Kano, who was now laughing, covering his mouth in that way that he did whenever he found something genuinely funny. Ayano was holding up her phone, and even from a distance, Shintaro could see Haruka and Takane on FaceTime. Haruka appeared to be wearing a Santa’s hat.

“Does… He only have one timer…?” He asked, his mouth suddenly dry, very much aware of Ayano’s previous response to this question.

Seto chuckled nervously.

“I wouldn’t say that… But, hey, you have your entire life to ask him about that, right?”

The coffee wasn’t appealing before, exactly, but after hearing this, Shintaro felt no real need to pretend like he was enjoying it, even if it was for the sake of his soulmate’s brother. Setting down the mug on the hearth, he shrugged slightly, trying to figure out a way to change the subject without it seeming awkward and forced, but coming up blank. Seto didn’t seem to take note of this- which wasn’t surprising, seeing as he seemed like the type who considered “awkward silences” to be more like “comfortable pauses”. Instead, the boy simply tilted his head in Kano’s general direction and clicked his tongue.

“Is Shuuya wearing makeup?” Seto asked, tipping his head to the side and squinting. “He’s never really expressed interest in that before.”

So, even his other siblings noticed, huh?

Shintaro deflated, looking over at his soulmate from across the room, watching him silently as he playfully prodded at Kido’s shoulder.

Was it really that noticeable? Maybe to his siblings, it was, since they had been living with Kano for the vast majority of his life. They were probably accustomed to seeing him with scars, or whatever those were, on his face. Ayano was probably used to it too, having chosen to not comment on the matter when helping move them in several months ago.

For all Shintaro knew, there were likely many more scars that Kano wasn’t allowing him to see, covering them with long sleeves and long pants and makeup.

The question was, how many?

It wasn’t like they were new to living together. And they were friends now, or at least, Shintaro had assumed. Things weren’t like before. Despite the insecurities that would crop up at times over his sexuality, Shintaro would always try to keep them under the wraps. Kano had never made fun of him for his suicide attempt either, despite how pathetic he must seem to the other.

“Yeah,” Shintaro muttered, barely audible. “He really loves covering things up, doesn’t he?”

Ugh. His stomach only continued getting worse the longer the conversation went on. Overeating and negative emotions could do that. Slowly, Shintaro sat down, slumping against the side of the wall. He brought his knees up to his chest, saying something about how he “just needed to sit down”, or something to that extent, anything to prevent Seto from worrying.

Despite this, Seto was staring at him, his smile leaving his face for the first time that evening.

“Shuuya is pretty hard to get to know, right?” Seto chuckled, plopping down next to Shintaro. “But it’s all worth it, if you ask me.”

“He’s not your soulmate.”

“I know! But that doesn’t really matter to me. I love him just as much as I love Tsubomi. And I’m sure that she feels the same,” He responded, the reassuring smile returning to his face slowly. “He might open up to you sooner rather than later, so just make sure you’re paying attention, okay? Shuuya is like a revolving door- You sort of have to be watching him closely if you want to jump in.”

Shintaro could only dumbly nod, despite the little, obnoxious voice in the back of his head telling him that maybe it wasn’t worth it to try and get closer to a boy that was going to die in less than two months. (Why did he even want to learn more about Kano, anyway? A friendship was more than enough. What else was he expecting? Kissing? Sex? With Kano? Absolutely not. The other would never consider doing those things with him- Not that Shintaro had ever thought about it, that was.)

“But, you know…” Seto continued. “He seems like he likes being around you. Brothers can sense that sort of thing.”

How ironic, that despite Seto’s kind-hearted words and soft spoken reassurances, Kano had never seemed more distant from Shintaro than now; laughing and talking with Ayano and Kido with an easiness that never came with one of their conversations together. The boy sitting over there wasn’t “Kano”- It was Shuuya.

Whom Shintaro had yet to meet.

“I just hope that you’re right.”

Shintaro’s stomach clenched, but he wasn’t quite sure why.

* * *

           Kenjirou- That was apparently Kano’s dad’s name- had come downstairs only briefly, apparently having locked himself away in the upstairs lab to finish up an experiment that he had been working on. Or something like that, anyway. He seemed nice enough, had introduced himself to the new faces, and then proceeded to ruffle each of his children’s hair like they were on an assembly line, causing various reactions ranging from elated (Ayano) to ridiculously embarrassed (Kano).

The time was equally moving far too slow, and far too fast at the same time. Seto made for excellent company, which wasn’t really surprising, but he suddenly became an angel when Shintaro had mentioned his bunny, cueing Seto to spark up a conversation about how great animals were that lasted at least a half an hour.

He hadn’t spoken to Ayano all that much throughout the night, but they had chatted a bit over dessert. Nothing too deep or heavy, just some casual discussions about what TV shows were airing that season, or what fruits were recalled due to E-Coli exposure at the grocery store. Normal things.

When Shintaro finally found a space on the small couch later that evening, it was next to Kano, who was sipping a cup of tea and playing absent-mindedly with the stray yarn of his sweater. His soulmate didn’t protest when he sat down, only took another sip of his drink and hummed a bit, before leaning in close to Shintaro’s ear and whispering about how close Momo and Kido already appeared to be. He would have been paying more attention to what _exactly_ Kano was saying, but it was a little hard to concentrate when he could feel the other’s breath on the shell of his ear.

“They look… cozy.” Shintaro snorted.

 _“Cozy”_ was a mere understatement. Less than three hours of knowing each other, and Momo was already wrapping their arms together and resting her head against a very flustered Kido’s shoulder- Correction, Kido seemed to be shifting to allow better access for Momo to cuddle up to her. Wow.

“It’s a little weird to be watching my sister do this, honestly…” Kano chuckled. “But she seems so embarrassed, doesn’t she? Even though it’s pretty obvious how happy she is right now.”

Momo smiled up at Kido, brushing a stray piece of hair out of her soulmate’s eyes and tucking it behind her ear. Too far away to hear, Shintaro was aware that Kido said _something,_ and whatever it was, it was certainly enough to make Momo go red for a brief moment, before laughing and leaning in even closer, closer into Kido’s form.

That was probably what most soulmates did when they first met each other. No stigma holding them back, they just tried to get to know each other, learning tidbits of information through conversation and sparing romantic gazes and touches until it was time to pick a place to live.

Somehow, Shintaro felt as if he’d been cheated out of his experience- Though, to be fair, it was mostly his own fault.

“Kano.”

The name came from his lips so easily. It rolled off of his tongue and exposed itself to the air, so tangible that Shintaro could almost grab it. The person next to him- his soulmate- was real, and alive, and breathing.

But only temporarily.

“Yeah?” Kano answered, having finished his drink and setting it on a nearby table. “Why are you saying my name all of the sudden? Don’t be weird.”

Shintaro shook his head.

“I’m not being weird, weirdo,” He defended weakly, before the snicker from the other prompted him to finish his initial thought. There was a pause, during which neither of them said anything, before Shintaro spoke again. “Do you ever think about what it’d be like if we weren’t soulmates?”

Kano was quiet for a moment, twiddling his thumbs, before suddenly laughing, quiet and barely there.

“If I say that I do, what difference would it make? Are you still trying to get rid of me?” He asked, and that venomous tone was back in his voice again, the one of which Shintaro had begun to associate less and less with aggressive behavior.

Venomous animals only bit because of survival. Many bit out of self-defense.

Kano was absolutely not an exception to this rule.

“Nope.” Shintaro answered, speaking slowly and deliberately. “I’m not. Trying to get rid of you, that is.”

More silence.

“Why not?”

“I don’t want to.”

“Ah,” Kano mused, looking off with cheeks that were only slightly stained red, but that could have been from the heat. “Do you like being made fun of all the time, or something…?”

Shintaro shrugged.

“I like you, too, you know,” He murmured, looking downwards at his black socks and wiggling his toes. “Not just the teasing. You’re not a bad person to spend time with.”

Maybe that was all that he could handle admitting, because immediately after acknowledging what should have been obvious already, Shintaro’s throat closed up, his eyes darting over to gauge Kano’s reaction.

“Oh…” Kano continued playing with the bottom of his sweater, biting his lip as he tried to come up with a proper, self-assured tone to respond with. (Or at least, that’s what Shintaro presumed.) “Oh? … Oh, really, Shintaro? Well, you aren’t so bad yourself! I mean, sort of, anyway! I don’t mind living with you, mostly.”

“Mostly.” Shintaro repeated dully.

“Yep, mostly!”

Strangely enough, even as Kano said this, he seemed to be smiling much in the same way that he was with Ayano, earlier that evening.

* * *

                The gift exchanges came a bit later that night, though most of them had apparently opted for a rain check, seeing as half of the guests didn’t know each other. Still, that didn’t stop Shintaro’s mother from getting both Kano and him a giant tin of holiday themed popcorn, and Momo from giving them a set of DVDs to some show that he had never heard of even once in his life, but that she claimed was hilarious, or something.

Ayano had given him a new phone case, which was great- Shintaro had really been needing one, especially after watching the very disappointing season finale of an anime that he had been following for some time. For Kano, she had given him a set of headphones, for which he had thanked her profusely.

The time came when it was eventually Kano’s turn to open Shintaro’s present, and honestly, Shintaro was really excited.

Kano wasn’t having it.

“Hey, Shintaro, you look awfully excited to give me a gift…! That’s suspicious. How about you open _mine_ first?”

“Oh, please, I couldn’t! Go ahead, I insist.”

The other folded his arms stubbornly.

“We’ll open at the same time.”

Shintaro was about to refuse, but eventually gave in, huffing as he reached over and pulled over the box with his name on it from the corner.

“Fine. Is there something alive in here?”

“Nope,” Kano laughed, waving off his concerns unconvincingly. “It’s something that you really need.”

“Great. Perfect. I’m _super_ excited.”

“Shut up, just open it.”

“On the count of three?”

“Of course, Shintaro!” Kano grinned.

Looking at each other with a sort of determination that Shintaro could only describe as “warrior-like”, they both barely breathed out numbers, before tearing open the wrapping paper of their respective presents and yanking the lids off.

And the reactions from both were immediate.

“Kano…” Shintaro choked out, holding up his “present” in the light. “What in the _hell_ possessed you to get me an _oversized jar of mustard?”_

“I could say the same for you,” Kano balked, staring down into the box. “A single slipper? Really?”

Shintaro couldn’t help the smirk that found its way onto his face. “Well, y’know, you seemed to really like my slippers when you wore them that one time, so I figured I’d help you out and get you one.”

“Just one?”

“That’s right, just one.”

Kano stared into the box, face pale for a moment longer, before looking over with a grin to Shintaro’s arms, which were now inadvertently cradling the mustard like it was an infant.

“How are you liking that mustard? I figured I’d get you something good, since you only seem to put ketchup on things… How gross. You clearly have no taste buds, so I took it upon myself to help you out!”

Shintaro looked down at the mustard, which had a crudely drawn smile on it, just under the label.

“You,” He managed to get out, shaking with the beginnings of a laughing fit that was starting to become inevitable. “Are a complete asshole.”

“Shintaro!” He could hear his mother yell from across the room. “Language!”

He couldn’t help it- The way that the laughter began to bubble out of his throat, soon making it out into the open. Shintaro buried his face into his hands and laughed, cheeks stinging and belly hurting, and it was fantastic. There was only a moment that passed before Kano too, began laughing, his snickering dissolving into that rare, genuine laughter that made Shintaro’s heart do somersaults for unknown reasons.

“I could say the same to you!” Kano grinned, hiding his face in his sleeves as he laughed, and it was probably just the spirit of the holidays talking, but Shintaro was pretty glad that he had agreed to the party.

* * *

                The worst… or best, maybe. No, worst. Worst, definitely. The worst part of the night came right as they were about to leave, with Ayano gathering dishes from around the room, and Momo exchanging numbers and pictures with Kido when they were _supposed_ to be cleaning up.

“Sweetie, can you take some of the cookies from the table in the living room? Kido is letting us to take some of them home, and I’d like to start packing them up. It’s getting quite late.” His mom said, grabbing some Tupperware from her purse.

“One second, let me just grab some of the wrapping paper off of the floor…” Shintaro said, hustling around the quiet house to grab up some of the trash that they had all left… well, everywhere. They weren’t the neatest bunch of people.

Paper cleaned up, Shintaro grabbed for the tray on the table, cookies mostly gone by that point. Or rather, crumbs. There really wasn’t much of a reason for his mother to save them, but hey, whatever she wanted. Hands full, he began to walk, not really watching his steps, more preoccupied with the idea of a soft bed waiting for him at home, when the combination of a narrow doorway and another person snapped him out of his own thoughts. Shintaro stumbled backwards, blinking several times before looking up.

“Shit-“ Kano hissed, taking a small step backwards. “Ah, my bad, Shintaro! I was just…”

The other stopped talking, stopped breathing, even.

His pupils drifted upwards, staring straight above them, as if he had seen a ghost.

Like an idiot, Shintaro followed his gaze.

Which, looking back on it, he really shouldn’t have done.

Of course. _Of course_ , there was a mistletoe above them, why wouldn’t there be?

(Mistletoe: The dreaded tradition in which when, upon having two parties stand under it, hereby ordered for the couple to kiss. A dreaded cliché in movies, books, and shows. It never actually happened in real life, though, no, but in Shintaro Kisaragi’s life, why the hell not? Fate hadn’t given a shit about him up until this point. Might as well continue the tradition.)

Kano didn’t have any clever remarks, no sarcastic quips, nothing. His eyes were wide, cheeks red, staring at him, before he looked to the side, not moving, not swaying, nothing.

He remained firmly rooted to the ground.

Shintaro’s hands were trembling as he watched Kano stand there, nervously wringing his hands and opening and closing his mouth like he was trying to figure out what to say.

There was the obvious route, the way that things usually went between the two of them.

Shintaro would say something about how stupid traditions were, then Kano would tease him for being dismissive of traditions, or something like that, and they’d be on their way.

There was also the bad route. Shintaro could say something about how gross it was that they ended up under the mistletoe together, to which Kano would give him that dangerous smile and say something that would cripple Shintaro’s already incredibly low self-esteem.

With the way things were going between the two of them, it’d be natural- welcomed, even- to simply turn away from the mistletoe, go about their evening, and then go home.

But there was also the option to just do it. Fast. Get it over with. If questioned later, he could just say that he was following tradition, and nothing more.

(Would that be a lie? Shintaro wasn’t sure.)

“Uh, you know…!” Kano spoke up, nervously. As much as the other likely didn’t want to admit it, the evening was certainly becoming a showcase for just how easy it was to embarrass him, either with a well-timed compliment, or any implication that he wasn’t hated, really. “Mistletoe is actually pretty poisonous! We should probably get out from underneath it if we don’t want to get sick. Right?”

Shintaro didn’t move, looking down at his soulmate, who had waltzed into his life without invitation several months ago, and was now part of his every day existence. What would his life even be like now, without Kano? He’d probably just sit around and play video games in his mom’s house all day, until inevitably falling asleep on his chair and waking up with a sore neck and a dead controller.

Life wasn’t perfect now, but Kano had turned out to be a pleasant surprise.

It was normal, natural, even, when Shintaro leaned down, just barely brushing his lips against the crown of Kano’s messy blond hair. It still smelled like strawberries, and was just as soft as he remembered it.

When he pulled away, Kano had his lips pressed together tightly, his cheeks now a _scalding_ red. It took a moment for him to speak up.

“For some reason, that felt more intimate than an actual kiss would, I think…!” Kano chuckled nervously, side stepping out of the doorway and into the living room. “Way to follow tradition, though. I’m impressed! Alright, I’ll meet you outside in a few, bye!”

The last sentence of his came out in a rush, a slew of jumbled words, which only made Kano’s departure seem even faster than it actually was, leaving him standing alone in the doorway.

That was a little rash. Maybe that was too fast? Too much? It wasn’t that big of a deal, really, but to be fair, Kano… probably wasn’t expecting that. The idea of catching him off guard was almost pleasing, actually, but Shintaro pushed his thoughts to the side as he delivered the leftovers to his mother, who scolded him for taking a longer time than she expected. (Oh, if only she knew.)

* * *

 

                The taxi ride home was awkward, but only sort of.

Kano didn’t appear to hold any real resentment towards the kiss, but he certainly wasn’t saying anything about it- He wasn’t saying much about anything, really. The car was silent, aside from the occasional coughs from their cabbie.

Shintaro stared out the window, watching the high rise buildings fly past them as the street numbers increased.

At some point along the way, it had started snowing, which was very appropriate. It was about time, anyway. For what had felt like his first real Christmas in forever, it just wouldn’t be complete without some flurries. The mustard jar sat heavily on Shintaro’s lap, but he made no attempt to move the gag present. In its own way, it was endearing. He looked over at Kano briefly, who had looked like he was about to fall asleep from the moment he stepped into the cab. That hadn’t changed, apparently. He was just barely hanging onto consciousness, eyes drooping as they approached the apartment. It wasn’t like Shintaro was faring much better- the day had been much longer than he was anticipating. The jury was still out on whether or not that was good or bad.

Eventually, the ride came to an end, another 2000 yen turned hands, and the two of them climbed out of the car sleepily, gathering their belongings up and yawning.

“Hey… Shintaro.”

Shintaro made a noncommittal noise, more to show that he was listening more than anything else, before Kano walked into him, bumping their shoulders together once.

“Merry Christmas.”

Kano’s voice was soft, laced with sleep.

Shintaro spoke without thinking, nudging his shoulder affectionately against Kano’s in response.

“Yeah. Merry Christmas.”

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEVER LAND! monokuro na hikari no nai sekai demo! NEVER END, NEVER LAND! kokoro wa somaranai!
> 
> sorry
> 
> ready for the tws for this chapter?? ooooo here we go. TW: suicide ment, self harm ref, mild emetophobia (not in depth), blood
> 
> whoops. ok. im tired. as usual, ill prolly do a few extra rounds of editing once i manage to motivate myself a little more haha but i wanted to get this out for you all bc holy! holy shit!! look @ all of those kudos/!?? and the comments?? honestly whenever you guys comment i get so ridiculously happy my heart pounds so much,,,,///
> 
> THANK YOU FOR ALL OF YOUR SUPPORT!! leave a comment if you want bc i love you and hearing your feedback. please enjoy another thrilling episode of Death

                The new year came by uneventfully- Shintaro had accompanied Kano to a nearby shrine the night of, and then they left just as quickly as they arrived, preferring to not welcome in the year with a bunch of strangers, much less strangers who were sucking each other’s faces off. It wasn’t like being at home was much better, though- they ate, watched a recording of some fireworks on the internet, then slept, after a brief argument over whose turn it was to use the bed that night. (Shintaro’s, _obviously._ )

As for Momo and Kido, it was almost irritating how splendidly they were getting along. At least once a day, Shintaro would get a text from Momo with something “adorably cute” that Kido did that he just _had_ to know about. It seemed to amuse Kano at the very least, who admitted later that he was sort of hoping that Momo and Kido would be each other’s soulmates. This was only bolstered by the realization that Momo and Seto were platonic soulmates, in addition to her romantic relationship with Kido.

Which was something that neither Momo nor Seto had noticed upon first meeting each other, shockingly enough. In fact, the realization only came after the party had ended, and Kano had gotten a frantic text from Seto saying that his timer had gone off, but he didn’t know who it was for, coupled with an equally nervous text from Momo to Shintaro stating pretty much the exact same thing. It didn’t exactly take a detective to figure things out from that point.

Maybe it was just him, but the fact that people with multiple timers could actually not notice their timer going off made something boil inside of him. They didn’t know how lucky they were, having more than one person tied to their fate.

It was only the knowledge that it was Seto and Momo- two incredibly kind-hearted people- that kept Shintaro quiet about these thoughts.

“They’re moving in together, huh?” Kano asked, tugging a red scarf up to cover his mouth. The wind today was annoyingly strong, but it wasn’t snowing, so Shintaro was counting his blessings. “Already?”

“We moved in with each other after a week, and we didn’t even like each other, so it isn’t surprising. Momo said that they’ll probably need help moving things into the apartment, though.” Shintaro nodded, shuffling alongside Kano on the fairly deserted sidewalk. There was no real reason to be walking so close to him, but since it _was_ cold, there wasn’t any real problem with it, either. Kano made a noncommittal noise in response, which wasn’t a no, so Shintaro kept speaking. “It’ll be nice to have them in the same complex, I guess. We should be able to see them more.”

“You sure that you’re not just saying that because you want to eat more of my sister’s cooking?” Kano raised an eyebrow.

“Maybe…”

“Jerk.” Kano responded with something that sounded like a laugh, before knocking their shoulders together. “Not that I blame you. Those leftovers were great, weren’t they? She says it’s because the flavours have a chance to marry each other the more that they sit, but that sort of sounds like a lie to me.”

Shintaro furrowed his brows.

“Actually… I think I’ve heard other people say things like that before. Professional chefs, though, and not so much normal home cooks.”

“What?” Kano blinked, before shaking his head and waving him off with one hand. “Nah, that’s clearly impossible.”

Rolling his eyes, he looked down at his soulmate’s boots, which seemed to be gradually wearing themselves out with time. That wasn’t surprising, considering the amount of walking that they had been doing recently- Or rather, the amount of walking that they had been forced to do recently. With the new year officially beginning, some of their clients were requesting something along the line of “makeovers” for their site. Similar to how people would get a new haircut or (try to) lose weight for January, webpages would attempt to do the same thing. That in itself wouldn’t be a problem unless the clients themselves wanted to see portfolios of their work in person. Which, of course, meant actually going to their offices, handing them a huge file, and waiting for them to eventually nod and ask for a design that was _just_ vague enough to give Kano that creative freedom that he’d gripe about from time to time.

None of the offices that they had gotten jobs from thus far were particularly close, but they weren’t long enough to warrant a taxi fare, either. Shintaro’s calves were burning just thinking of the past week.

“Hey, it’s cold.”

Kano looked up at him briefly, before looking away and refocusing his eyes on the sidewalk, kicking a brown/grey ball of snow to the side.

Nodding, Shintaro glanced at Kano’s empty hand once, gnawing on the inside of this lower lip, and looked away.

“We aren’t even close to home, though,” He responded, just as a truck drove by, creating another gust of wind that seemed to be more for comedic effect than anything. “We could get coffee, or something.”

Grimacing, Kano shook his head.

“That’s all we ever do. Let’s do something else for a change. It starts to feel like you aren’t even alive anymore when you start to settle into a single routine.” The other said, and begrudgingly, Shintaro had to agree, despite the images of Kano “not even alive anymore” that popped into his head when the words were mentioned. Coffee shops were nice, but when it started to become your idea of a “fun outing”, then maybe it was time to step back a bit.

Humming, Shintaro racked his brain for ideas on what to do before the voice of Momo popped up from the very back of his mind. Which was a voice that he usually tried to silence, but today, it was very much welcome. She had said something about seeing an animated film in theaters the other day, as well as how much she loved it, though, that wasn’t saying much. Still, it was something new.

“Momo said that she saw that new movie in the theaters. The animated one? She said it was pretty good, if you want to see that together.” Even now, the word “together” was still strange on his tongue, despite having spent several months around each other, living their daily lives and doing pretty much everything as a pair. There were moments of comfortable silence, of course, because Shintaro valued his privacy and quiet just as much as Kano valued his- but most nights ended with them watching shows together, or going out for a last-minute grocery run.

He wasn’t sure when, but “together” had become their normal.

“Oh? You’re sort of a movie geek- Are you sure that you just don’t have a soft spot for neat 3D animation?” Kano smirked, which Shintaro could see, because he just so happened to be looking at his soulmate at the time. It wasn’t because he was staring at the blush that had formed on Kano’s cheeks from the cold, or anything ridiculous like that.

“Shut up your face.” Shintaro snorted, tearing his eyes off of the other, which was surprisingly difficult. It was probably because his eyes were cold, or something.

“Heh? What about my face?”

“Shut it.”

“That’s so rude.”

“Just like you, Kano, what a coincidence.” He said coolly, though the beginnings of a smile were creeping onto his face, threatening to ruin his exceptionally tough, rugged exterior. Unfortunately, Kano seemed to catch his moment of weakness, because the other’s smirk softened for less than a second before coming full force.

During moments like those, where the other dropped his guard for a split second, Shintaro could swear that he was learning more about Kano. Bit by bit, piece by piece.

“Are you sure that you should be calling me rude when you threatened to leak my social security number if I touched your food while you were in the bathroom?”

“I think I was justified… That curry was great.” Shintaro said, which only made Kano laugh, and Shintaro’s heart subsequently thud for reasons that would probably always be a mystery.

Their conversation continued much like this all the way to the theater: light jokes and playful banter through the quiet, cold streets. At one point, Shintaro’s elbow bumped against the arm of a woman’s, whose elbow was locked with someone who was presumably her boyfriend, but he didn’t spare them a second glance.

* * *

 

          By the time they had arrived, it was just about time for the next showing to begin, though the seats inside were surely scarce, the woman at the ticket counter had warned. She went onto suggest that maybe they should just wait until the next showing, but there was no way that Shintaro wanted to be out that long. It was cold, and Tono would probably get fussy if she was left alone for that long, and that was before even getting onto the subject of Kano. It wasn’t like Kano didn’t like to walk around at night, rather- it was quite the opposite. He probably liked it too much, and if they weren’t inside by the time it was dark, Kano would drag him around the sketchier parts of town without a care in the world. Slamming down his money onto the counter, the woman paused for a moment before tentatively taking the money and handing them two freshly printed tickets.

Maybe it was out of habit, but Shintaro found himself unconsciously drifting to the snack bar, eyeing the prices of the various combos that the theater offered. (2000 yen for a small soda and a handful of popcorn? What a steal!)

Kano grabbed the back of his jacket.

“We should probably head to the theater right away if we want to be able to get seats, y’know…”

The disapproval was evident in his tone.

Sighing, Shintaro pulled out his wallet, handing it over to Kano.

“If you get us drinks, I’ll find the seats for us.”

The other seemed to consider this for a moment, before nodding and waving off the wallet, saying that since he bought the tickets, it was only fair that he should buy the drinks, and, well, Shintaro wasn’t going to protest that. Nodding, he made his way towards the theater, only getting lost once, thank you very much, before coming across Theater 7 and making his way up the dark ramp and into the room. It was actually sort of gross, how people felt like they could leave half empty popcorn buckets and spilled drinks in the aisles. Just because it was dark didn’t mean your trash magically disappeared when you dropped it.

There was a considerable amount of chatter inside the theater, which made sense, considering how full it was. Unusual for a film that had been out for a little over a week, but it had gotten stellar reviews (from Momo), so maybe it wasn’t all that odd.

Scanning the theater, Shintaro could make out several empty seats squashed between two large families, but quickly decided against the idea, partially due to the fact that one of them had a baby with a face that made it look a little like a squished pumpkin, but mostly due to the fact that both he and Kano had a tendency to swear under their breath during the more intense parts of a movie, and there was no way in hell that he wanted to be responsible for accidentally teaching Little Timmy the word “fuck”. So that was out.

There were a few seats in the front row, but sitting in the front row was indisputably awful, so that was out.

After some careful ducking around rows of people, Shintaro made his way to the very top row, which was almost empty, save for a few couples who were already cuddling up with each other despite the trailers still being on. Quietly, he settled down into a seat, draping his jacket over the seat next to him. Maybe he wouldn’t look like such a loser if he made it very evident that he was waiting for someone.

Shintaro tugged on his collar uncomfortably.

Not only was it awkward to sit alone at the movies, but it was hot in there, too; Almost everyone in the theater had taken off their jackets, scarves, hats, etc. Two sweaty situations put together did not make a good combination. Kano really needed to hurry up, so that he’d at least manage to get rid of one of his problems.

Shifting in his seat, he crossed his legs, hoping to seem at least a bit more intimidating and cool than he felt. Everyone seemed to be looking at him, even though they definitely weren’t, since he was at the very top of the theater. The other couples in the row were too engrossed with each other to pay any attention to him, but it still made him itch and stiffen.

Kano eventually appeared at the bottom of the stairs, and once Shintaro caught a glance of his blond locks, he immediately jumped to his feet, waving his arms around to get the other’s attention the best he could. Thankfully, Kano saw him immediately, coming up the stairs two at a time, a large soda in one hand, a bottle of water in the other. Eventually, he settled down next to him, setting their drinks into their respective cup holders.

“Miss me?” His soulmate grinned, cracking open his bottle of water and taking a large gulp.

It would have been so easy to admit it, to just say yes and watch Kano react. He’d probably choke on his water, go red and nervously backtrack, much like he had under the mistletoe. Maybe he’d say something about how long the line was at the snack bar, instead of acknowledging the comment, his cheeks flushed while he chattered on about how the woman in front of him in line was probably using up her life savings buying snacks.

Shintaro poked a straw through the lid of his drink and took a long sip before answering.

“You wish.”

Kano raised his eyebrows before rolling his eyes and looking away.

“Yeah. Okay. Whatever you say, Shintaro! I’d give you a better comeback, but I don’t want to humiliate you in front of all of these kids.”

As he opened his mouth to respond, the lights dimmed, sending the theater into darkness. His mouth shut, but not before groping over for Kano’s scarf and gently unraveling it from his soulmate’s neck. It looked hot, after all, but Kano only huffed and pouted when it was gone, apparently assuming that Shintaro’s retort to his last statement was to steal his scarf. Which was sort of funny, in a very Kano sort of way.

Bringing the straw to his lips, Shintaro diverted his attention to the screen, adjusting his chair as the film began to play.

* * *

 

                Momo had failed to mention that the movie, in addition to being wonderfully animated, was a _romance._ (A romantic superhero flick, but _still._ )

Granted, she probably wasn’t expecting Shintaro to actually pick himself up and go see the movie, but still, it should have come up at some point, _really._

Aside from the animation, the film was altogether forgettable. There were some funny parts, but nothing that made him do anything more than a chuckle. Hell, he and Kano could probably write a better script if they put their minds to it, but creating a movie wasn’t high on their list of priorities. It wasn’t like they’d have the time to write a movie together, anyway. Not with the little time that they had left.

There was a scene where the protagonists, who had just discovered their superpowers, fought a giant serpent. It resulted in a long, light filled battle that had several children in the audience ooh-ing and ahh-ing at the graphics. It was during this time that Shintaro had unconsciously turned to face Kano, watching the tones of blue and pink reflect off of his cheeks and glints of colour in his amber irises.

This trend continued as the movie went on- looking over at Kano to observe his reactions. After all, watching things in the theaters wasn’t like watching things at home. They couldn’t discuss things throughout, like they normally did, so sparing glances at Kano was the best option that he had.

At some point during the movie, the other had brought up his knees to his chest, hugging them close to his body, occasionally taking sips from his water bottle. A strange sight, considering how Kano would normally just flop his legs on top of Shintaro when they were on the couch, and Shintaro would grumble and go along with it.

As for the plot of the movie, it was fairly typical as far as animated films with romance in them went.

Boy and girl end up in the same nursery together as infants. Their timers go off, but since they’re babies, they don’t realise it. They grow up as friends and somehow get superpowers…? Something like that. It was a little messy, as far as the set up went. More than anything, it was a simple, non-offensive movie meant to inspire kids, which wasn’t a bad thing.

Until the last quarter of the movie came along.

The girl on screen’s wrist flashed briefly against the screen, the zeroes on her wrist clear as day, her right hand visible. (She had several timers there, too- How nice.)

“Zen?” She choked out, her eyes growing wet and spilling over with tears as the other, unremarkable boy reached out his hand, presenting their mirrored timers together.

“You know… We should have seen this coming…” The boy responded, smiling warmly. “You’re a girl, and I’m a guy, right? It must have been so obvious…”

The girl wailed, pushing her face against her soulmate’s chest and trembling like a leaf as he embraced her.

“It’s okay. Even if I die here, right now… Your other soulmates, they’ll support you… Even if they don’t love you in the same way that I do…”

“Don’t say that! We’re going to get out of here! We’re going to live our lives together and get a dog and have kids and be _happy_!”

Around that point, Shintaro decided that the movie had taken an abrupt turn from a simple kids flick to something far less enjoyable to watch.

Shifting uncomfortably in his seat, his right hand crept over to his left wrist, squeezing tightly as the main characters blathered on about how them and their timers were surely going to lead them to their happy ending.

It wasn’t like they were sentient beings, so he couldn’t blame the characters, but there were writers out there who made the movie, and decided to send out the message that a completely average boy and girl were somehow irrevocably deserving of a long fulfilling life, though they both had other soulmates, and they were both straight (probably), and both had a wide circle of friends and families without dead parents.

Gross.

Mindlessly, Shintaro looked away from the screen, becoming more and more aware of the pulse in his wrist the harder that he squeezed. It was starting to hurt, definitely.

The girl on screen sobbed _again,_ which only made him cringe and furrow his brows.

There was nothing wrong with her. She had a perfectly fine, normal life. She had no reason to cry. This girl would get her soulmate, go home and text her platonic soulmates, and then live life like a normal person, despite whatever superpowers they had. She had no reason to cry _whatsoever_ , and the more that Shintaro assured himself that the girl on screen was simply ungrateful and naïve, the more ridiculous it seemed.

It was just a movie. Fake. The ungrateful main character wasn’t even real. Her love interest wasn’t real. Her best friend and platonic soulmate wasn’t real, and neither was her other best friend and other platonic soulmate. All of them were fictional.

Tentatively, Shintaro turned to look over at Kano, partially to pry his eyes away from the screen, but mostly to find something to distract himself with. As fake as it was, it was obvious that he was acting like a child and allowing himself to get all worked up over a _movie_ (God, what’s wrong with you, Shintaro?), so maybe it was best to just watch Kano for a little bit instead of trying to deal with his annoying, pathetic feelings. He tried to be subtle about it, but it was dark, so there wasn’t a very big chance that his soulmate would notice. Feeling slightly creepy, Shintaro scanned the other.

More than anything, Kano looked bored.

Slightly frustrated, even.

Shintaro turned away.

For some odd reason, stupidly staring at his only soulmate, who was still a boy, and still going to die in February, wasn’t taking the edge off. Who would have thought?

Probably not the stupid couple in the movie. They didn’t have to worry about any of _those_ things.

Slowly, Shintaro removed his hand from his wrist, blood rushing into his palm again as his fingers released their grip. His pulse thudded loudly in his ears, louder than the surround sound system that the audio from the movie was playing out on, louder than the crinkling of candy wrappers and the shaking of half empty soda cups.

The gradually accelerating beats of Shintaro’s heart covered up the noise from the annoying sobs and incessant whining from the characters on screen.

God, he could kick himself for how ridiculous he was acting. This was just so… stupid. Other people didn’t freak out because there was a happy, normal, straight couple on screen. Ayano probably wouldn’t be upset by it; she’d just think it was cute, and then marvel over the wonders of true love, or something like that. She wouldn’t sit there like an idiot, grabbing her wrist and longing for something that would never happen. Hell, even Takane and Haruka wouldn’t be upset by it. Takane would be bored, sure, but Haruka would probably get emotional and then run off to draw his own interpretation of the characters and their love for each other.

None of them would feel slightly nauseous because of a _movie_.

A work of fiction.

Shintaro attempted to focus his gaze on the screen once more, his eyes glossing over the rows of people beneath him when a common trend amongst them all suddenly stood out.

There, in the darkness of the theater, everyone’s wrists were visible, the digits glowing white against their skin. From the young children with two or three timers, to the couples who were cuddling next to their child, who was a product of an ideal relationship. All of them would grow up to have picturesque romances, or picturesque friendships that would run as deeply as the bond between married couples, and they would all be perfectly happy.

It was true; the movie was fake.

But all of the people in the theater, and their futures, were not.

Shintaro stood, nearly knocking over the rest of his soda in the process.

“I… I have to go to the bathroom…” He murmured, stomach churning as he shoved his way past Kano and hurried down the steps without another word. It was dark, so, so dark, and as he fumbled to make his legs move properly, someone stretched their arm into the isle. 3 timers on the right wrist. Another person reached down to grab a napkin that had fallen onto the steps. 4 timers on the right wrist. A couple passed the soda between them. 1 timer on the left wrist, each. 2 on the right wrist, each.

The numbers glowed a soft white. Mocking him.

The door swished behind him as Shintaro ran through the hall, past the numerous theaters, which were all showing romance movies, until he reached the bathroom, haphazardly pushing and shoving at the door with his shoulder until it opened.

He only barely made it to an empty stall before retching, falling down to his knees and staring at his empty, pathetic reflection in the water for less than a half of a second before emptying the contents of his stomach into the porcelain bowl, throat burning and hands shaking. His sleeve slightly bunched up, Shintaro’s timer made itself known as he choked on his own bile, grinning as it counted down to what wouldn’t only be Kano’s demise, but surely, his own as well.

The seconds were definitely laughing at him. A month left, and that was how he was using it? Having panic attacks in a movie theater, vomiting in a public restroom… How pathetic.

Shintaro could feel his hands shaking as he stood up, digits trembling as he lifted a foot to flush the toilet, nearly falling over. One hand came up to wipe his mouth. Great. Just perfect.

His feet didn’t exactly feel like they were quite reaching the ground as he walked. Like expecting there to be another step on a staircase, the rush of fear and tension that would come in that moment came with every step that Shintaro took.

There was a reflection of a man in the mirror of the bathroom, someone with bags under his eyes and messy black hair, along with a black jacket lined with red pockets. He had a timer on his wrist, counting down. He appeared tired, distressed, to say the least. His eyes were bloodshot.

He looked like a stranger.

Shintaro walked up to the reflection, placing his hand against the mirror and meeting the man’s hand.

The chill of the glass against his palm didn’t deter him in the slightest.

Truthfully, there wasn’t much of a reason to go on after the timer ran out.

Shintaro had always wanted to die, anyway.

The pills he had swallowed back then were proof of that.

It wasn’t like the urge had ever subsided.

And it wasn’t like he was going to have anyone depending on him after Kano died.

It wasn’t like anyone would care.

Mom would have Momo. Momo would have Kido.

They’d all be fine.

Kano wouldn’t be around to feel anything.

Everything

would

be

fine.

Shintaro blinked. The person in the mirror stared back at him. (Staring at him with those judgmental eyes-)

He straightened his back.

There wasn’t any reason to wait, was there? The world didn’t need someone like him. Kano could live the rest of his life surrounded by people that he loved, if Shintaro just hurried up and disappeared. It would be a blessing for him.

The door to the bathroom seemed heavier than before, but that may have been because his arms were still shaking violently.

Shintaro’s eyes didn’t- couldn’t focus on anything- the world just seemed to spin its way along, uncaring of its inhabitants. The red hallway of the theater was unsteady, swaying. The water fountain was wobbling.

There was one thing, however, that wasn’t budging even a bit.

Kano stood still just outside the door, idly finishing off a water bottle. He had reaffixed his scarf, apparently, and was holding Shintaro’s soda in his left hand.

“Kano…” Shintaro breathed out, before the reality of the situation set in. He cleared his throat, only partially managing to pull himself out of his catatonic state. “Why are you…”

“Here?” Kano finished for him, extending the cup of soda out to him. “I felt like it. Here, finish your drink.”

Shintaro narrowed his eyes before waving off the drink.

“You can finish the rest.”

“It’s yours. I don’t like soda, anyway.”

“Throw it away, then.”

The other hesitated for moment before pushing the cup into Shintaro’s hands despite his protests, but seeing as Shintaro wasn’t in the mood for arguing, or anything for that matter, he took a long sip. It was mostly watered down from the ice by that point, so it wasn’t exactly what he’d call refreshing.

Kano watched him quietly, before motioning for Shintaro to follow him- which he did, of course. They headed towards the exit of the theater together, Kano even closer to him than usual, which confused him more than anything else. If Kano wasn’t his soulmate, Shintaro probably would have pushed him away; his skin was still far too itchy and hot to even entertain the notion of being touched. He sort of wanted to scratch and scratch until there was no skin left, actually.

“You could have finished watching the movie.” Shintaro said, his throat still raw.

In response, Kano made a fake gagging motion. When this obtained no reaction, he apparently changed tactics, shrugging instead.

“It was getting too sappy. I don’t need to see the ending, anyway. I can figure out what happens,” He responded nonchalantly, holding open the door as they reached the exit. “Let’s take a cab home, okay? It’s too cold to be walking around.”

Shintaro nodded, but didn’t say anything else.

The next thirty minutes were a blur- Kano called the taxi company, they climbed in the car, and they were off.

His old middle school passed by as they drove home, which almost made him grin. His old classmates would be so proud of him if they could see him now, wouldn’t they? They all wanted him dead, anyway. Shintaro couldn’t help but feel bad that he had let them down the first time around.

Well, they didn’t have to worry anymore.

He’d actually do it right this time.

* * *

                Of course he had noticed.

It wasn’t like Kano believed that he had “talents” or something ridiculous like that, but it was just a simple fact that most things didn’t slip by him.

Shintaro, of course, fell into this category.

Peeking over the edge of his novel, Kano glanced over at his soulmate, who was sitting at his desk in the corner of the room. He was doing his best to be subtle about it, but truth be told, Shintaro had been seriously out of it since he had nearly sprinted out of the theater earlier, so it wasn’t as if he was entirely capable of taking steps to hide his anxiety ridden behaviours. See Exhibit A: His pupils weren’t focusing on anything at all.

It had started out as a bit of observation- just looking over his book and keeping an eye on him.

The novel was interesting; a mystery with enough twists and turns to keep him entertained, but it was starting to get a bit predictable, which was rather disappointing. He still held out hope that it would finish off strongly, though.

And yet, instead, it had turned into something of a stakeout, watching and waiting for his target to do something.

As for that target, well… He wasn’t doing much of anything.

His hands were trembling- much like they had been earlier- as they flipped through the pages of a mostly empty notebook. He’d occasionally stop to write a few words, then flip the pages some more, write a few more words, and space out for a while.

Kano narrowed his eyes.

The silence between them wasn’t the normal, comfortable breaks that they had, where they’d both relax and simply be in each other’s company. It wasn’t the tense atmosphere that they had after fighting, either.

No, rather, it was something much more sinister. There was nothing more ominous than tension that was trying to pass itself off as a peaceful atmosphere. If he were to dare try and bring it up, the masquerade would end, and there was no telling how Shintaro would react. Lately, his oddly sweet gestures had been more frequent, though Kano wasn’t exactly sure why. (Maybe he was saving up some irritation for a fatal attack?) Shintaro was smart enough to recognize trash when he saw it, wasn’t he?

Despite everything else, perhaps the strangest thing about Shintaro at the moment was his complete lack of headphones. His soulmate _always_ had headphones on when he was writing or coding. No exceptions. He listened almost constantly to videos of rain noises that dragged on for hours on end, even when it was actually raining outside. And yet…

The other picked up a pair of scissors.

Kano snapped to attention, closing his book and setting it down on the coffee table next to him. The noise didn’t draw any sort of response from Shintaro, who was dragging his finger along the tips of the now open blades.

Everything had been escalating since they left the theater, but this was just too much. Shintaro, apparently unaware that he was being watched, spread the blades as far as the scissors would allow, tapping and touching them to the pads of his fingers as if testing them.

Slowly, he brought the blade higher. Higher. Higher. To his jugular, the metal pressed flush up against his skin.

Clearing his throat loudly, Kano stood. Shintaro briefly glanced over to meet his gaze, uncaring, before pulling the scissors down listlessly and sliding them into the front pocket of his black hoodie. The action was so smooth, so rehearsed, that Kano had to wonder if he had just imagined the scissors being brought up to his neck not even a minute ago.

Pulling himself up from his desk, Shintaro rose like a zombie, beginning to shuffle over to the bedroom- No, probably the bathroom. The blood wouldn’t get everywhere, that way. Shintaro wasn’t a neat freak, but he was definitely more concerned of burdening others than he let on.

He could feel the pulse pounding in his left wrist.

“Shintaro,” Kano said flatly, moving over to stand in front of the doorway. Shit. That sounded wrong. Too serious. Too concerned. He couldn’t let Shintaro know that he knew, he’d probably get upset. Maybe. “Do you have any scissors that I can borrow? I want to cut out some paper snowflakes! I think it’ll set the mood for winter, don’t you?”

“Scissors…” Shintaro murmured. God, he looked dead already, so much like a prisoner walking to his execution that it made Kano’s heart pang. “I’m using them right now.”

Kano grinned, holding out his hand expectantly.

“Ah, you’d be so cruel as to deny your soulmate the simple joy of cutting out paper? Just hand them over! I paid for the taxi, so I get the scissors right now.”

Shintaro said nothing, not immediately, anyway. He just stared.

“No. I need to cut my hair…” The other responded underneath his breath, attempting to push past Kano to get through the narrow doorway.

“I really want to cut out some snowflakes, though! And besides, your hair looks fine. It’s very chic.”

Kano steadied his stance, his forearms bracing against the wood of the doorway. Luckily, Shintaro wasn’t strong… At all, actually, so despite his desperate attempts to get him out of the way ended in nothing but failure.

This didn’t please his soulmate in the slightest.

Slowly, Shintaro backed up, snarling and running a hand through his hair. His previously absent gaze slowly grew into a glare, dark eyes fixating on him coldly.

Hell.

Shintaro very rarely got angry anymore. Maybe it was because in the past they were both arguing with each other, but Kano had never really recognized him has having much of an intimidating presence. That feeling was beginning to fade just a bit. (Maybe it was because he actually held respect for Shintaro now, as opposed to before.)

“Get out of the _way_ , Kano,” Shintaro growled. “Stop fucking around. You can wait until I’m done.”

“Fucking around? I’m not fucking around. I just want to make art,” Kano quipped, the grin on his face unwavering. “Give me the scissors.”

“I said _no,_ so _move out of my way._ ”

It wasn’t intentional, but it happened, nonetheless. Really, it was nothing more than a mistake when the tone of his voice suddenly dropped, the happy lilt gone. (So, so stupid. Lying was the only thing Kano knew how to do, and he couldn’t even get it right? How pathetic.)

“Give me the scissors.” Kano said, his voice dark. His fingers reached out towards Shintaro’s front pocket, and were promptly slapped away.

“Don’t touch them. I’m going to go cut my hair, so just hurry up and move…”

“You’re lying.”

There was a pause before Shintaro chuckled dryly, shaking his head.

“You’re one to talk, aren’t you?”

It wasn’t like it wasn’t true, but coming from Shintaro, that stung quite a bit more than he was expecting. Kano grit his teeth, hesitating for only a moment before quickly shoving his hand into the front of the other’s hoodie, and was immediately met with resistance. Shintaro’s hand snapped to his wrist in an attempt to tug him away, pulling and yanking at his hand, gripping it so tightly that Kano was sure it would bruise.

Shintaro really wasn’t doing a good job making his case that he was _only_ going to cut his hair, Kano thought, but said nothing, merely moved his other hand around to the opposite side of Shintaro’s torso, snagging the scissors and bringing them close to his chest.

“You’re not getting these back, Shintaro,” Kano said simply, only narrowly dodging the grabs that Shintaro was desperately making for the blades.

“Give those _back_ …!” The other said, the desperation in his voice all too obvious as he attempted to snatch the scissors from Kano’s hands, which didn’t entirely succeed. Shintaro firmly, persistently tugged at the small part of the scissors that he could hook his forefingers onto, his eyes wide with panic and his form tense. The anger from less than a minute ago was gone, now replaced with something akin to fear.

Steadying his grip, Kano could only pull back, which was harder than it looked when Shintaro was so determined to use the scissors to “cut his hair”.

(… Was this about the movie? Granted, the movie was certainly worthy of criticism, but for Shintaro to try and lock himself in the bathroom with scissors… God. If he had just followed him into the bathroom at the theater, maybe this wouldn’t have happened.)

There was a nagging thought in the back of Kano’s mind, that maybe if he pulled hard enough, the scissors would stab him, which would be pretty fun. That would probably make things a lot harder for Shintaro, though, seeing as that would _technically_ be murder, so it was probably better to try and avoid that if he could help it.

Although, to a certain extent, it was unavoidable.

What with all of the tugging and pulling at a sharp object, of course it would slip out of someone’s grip. Neither of them were particularly cautious about handling it, either.

So, when the scissors slipped out of Kano’s hand and slashed against the inside of his palm, he wasn’t particularly surprised.

“Hell-“

Kano breathed out, bringing his palm to his chest instinctively, cradling it gently against the fabric of his shirt. Luckily enough, the shirt was black, so it wouldn’t stain. It meant less work on the laundry for later, provided that he could at least get the scissors away from Shintaro, which was currently his top priority. Letting his hand drop down, Kano looked away from his (now bleeding, dripping) hand, making another reach for Shintaro before abruptly stopping.

The scissors were on the ground.

(When did that happen? Why hadn’t Kano noticed? He really shouldn’t have looked away from Shintaro like that. Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.)

Seeing the opening, Kano swiftly kicked the scissors away, watching them slide far across the room. They hit the wall with a satisfying thump, landing just under the desk. It would at least buy him some time to try and talk Shintaro out of whatever he was thinking of doing. Maybe he could push him onto the couch and sit on him until he fell asleep? Kano wasn’t entirely sure. Breathing heavily, Kano looked up, preparing himself for the irritated, yet somehow still corpse-like stare from the other that would surely be coming his way.

It didn’t, though.

Instead, Shintaro stood there, gaping at Kano. Unmoving. Holding his breath.

Nonetheless, at least he was staying quiet for a second. It took a moment, but he eventually found his voice.

“I’m not going to give you the scissors, so stop fighting with me and just li-“

“Kano… Shit, I’m sorry, I…” Shintaro interrupted, his face pale as he slowly approached him, his body swaying slightly. His hands fumbled for Kano’s, gently brushing against his uninjured fingers. “ _Shit,_ are you okay? Let me see…”

Slowly, Kano held up his hand, which was apparently a bit worse off than he had thought. The blood ran off of his palm and dripped onto the floor, which reminded Kano slightly of a faulty faucet. He clicked his tongue, staring at it with disinterest.

“Geez, interrupting people is so rude, Shintaro…”

The feeling was almost nostalgic. It had been quite a while since someone had cut him like that.

“Fuck…” Shintaro muttered underneath his breath, taking Kano’s hand in his own and running his fingertips along the edge of the wound.

“Oh, you’re holding my hand? Well, I guess we are soulmates for a reason…” Kano said, a teasing smile upon his face. The grip on his hand only became tighter.

“Stop joking…” Shintaro breathed out, his brows furrowed in what Kano could only assume was concern. Unwarranted concern, at that. “This is serious.”

Kano merely shrugged, dropping the grin and allowing the other to examine the wound, applying slight pressure to it. Whatever he wanted, really. It didn’t seem like Shintaro was going to hurt him.

“It’s not a big deal. Really. I can mop up the blood. The floor is hardwood here, see? It’s not going to make a mess.”

_“I’m not worried about the floor, Kano.”_

After that, Kano went silent, allowing Shintaro to prod at the wound as he saw fit, before eventually guiding him into the bathroom, still holding him gently. His fingers were surprisingly soft, despite some callouses on his fingertips from working at the guitar. In its own way, it was rather calming.

The water stung a bit, but Shintaro tapped the wound gently with a washcloth. The antiseptic kind of sucked, honestly- Kano couldn’t help but wince, to which his soulmate made a distraught expression, murmuring apologies as he wrapped his hand with fresh gauze. Shintaro let go of his hand after applying several wraps of medical tape, making sure it was steady, before releasing him.

Unconsciously, Kano held up his left hand, turning it over and examining the bandages.

It didn’t seem that bad. He just had to be careful not to make the wound worse, or stitches would definitely be necessary. Infection wasn’t really a huge possibility, not after seeing how thoroughly Shintaro had cleaned it.

No one had ever really done that for him before.

Kano wasn’t entirely sure why, but this realization hit him harder than he thought it would. Lost in his own thoughts, he barely noticed Shintaro trying to sneak out of the room until the door began to creak.

“Hey.”

Shintaro stopped in his tracks the moment Kano spoke. He inhaled deeply before responding, looking around frantically like he was trying to find an escape route or something.

“I’m… I’m so sorry… I’ll, uh, get out of your way… I have to go now…” He said, and was really, seriously about to head towards the doorway, before Kano reached out and grabbed his sleeve, the grip on his forearm firm.

Once again, Shintaro froze.

There was a long silence before Kano pulled at him gently, coaxing his soulmate out of the doorway with a surprising amount of ease, considering how stubborn he had been earlier. It was almost too easy.

Neither of them seemed to want to say anything, _especially_ not Shintaro, so Kano cleared his throat, hoping for some words to come into his mind that would somehow soothe the entire situation.

Was it guilt?

Was that why Shintaro so complacent?

There wasn’t any real reason for Shintaro to feel guilty, though. After all, it was Kano whose hand had slipped. It wasn’t as if he had intentionally stabbed him or anything like that. There was absolutely no reason for Shintaro to feel so guilty. Still, though, if it had somehow pulled him out of his own thoughts for even a few minutes, then it was worth it a thousand times over.

Nonetheless, Shintaro wasn’t moving- merely standing and waiting like a soldier ready to receive orders. His wrist was warm.

“Shintaro…” Kano began. The other flinched at the mere mention of his name. “Just because you don’t love me doesn’t mean that we aren’t still soulmates.”

The silence returned. Unwelcomed, of course.

This time, Shintaro was the one to break it, turning around and moving over to the bed, Kano’s grip on him unwavering. By association, Kano was dragged over to the bed as well, his palm hurting only slightly as Shintaro flopped onto the comforter, his face down and buried against the soft fabric.

“How can you say something like that so easily when I just cut you? Why aren’t you angry? How could you even joke about this? I _hurt_ you,” Shintaro said, voice raspy. “What are you doing?”

“I don’t really care about that,” Kano responded simply. “Cuts heal, y’know? And besides, I can just clean things up later. Nothing that would ruin our security deposit! So it wasn’t like there was any harm done.”

“There _was_!” Abruptly, Shintaro sat up, slamming his palm down onto the bed. (It hurt just to watch that.) “Why… I don’t understand, why are you… Why don’t you care about yourself…?”

“Why don’t you care about _yourself_?”

That certainly seemed to shut him up. Kano sighed quietly, settling into the pillows. It was only a matter of time before Shintaro spoke up once again, maybe, hopefully. The pillows, stolen from Shintaro’s old room, had still retained their shape, despite the numerous pillow fights that they had been through, bless their feathery hearts.

Provided that nothing… bloody happened, maybe it would be better to just spend the rest of the day in bed.

Shintaro, currently, was twirling his finger around the corner of a pillowcase, anxiously fiddling with a stray piece of thread. Despite how upset he appeared, though, Nervous-Shintaro was a vast improvement from Dead-Shintaro. Both emotionally and physically. His hair seemed even more messed up than usual, but it was still nice, Kano supposed. He had an urge to run his fingers through it, oddly.

Before he got the chance to do so, however, Shintaro slowly began to speak.

“I’m alive right now because of you,” He said. “Or… maybe I’m alive right now because I believed that you existed, somewhere.”

Kano moved closer.

“I’m listening.”

Hesitation.

… Did Shintaro even trust him enough to vent his feelings?

He didn’t have much of a reason to.

After all, Kano was the one who lied all the time, putting on makeup and long sleeves and smiling even when everything felt pointless and doomed.

Despite Kano’s reservations, or maybe because of them, Shintaro kept speaking.

“Elementary school didn’t matter. Everyone was too small to notice anything different about me. No one cared that I had one timer. In middle school… was where it started to change,” He said. “I guess I could have handled it better. I was smart. Everything was predictable.”

Leave it to Shintaro to subtly bring up his IQ in a conversation. Kano could have snorted, but it wasn’t incorrect. He really was every bit as smart as he claimed he was, despite how long it took for Kano to admit that to himself. There really wasn’t much that could get past him, similar to a skill that he held himself. He remained quiet, urging Shintaro to continue, which he did, after another moment of fidgeting.

“No one liked me. I didn’t have any friends, but that didn’t matter. I could have made it through if that was the only problem that I had, but… One day, I was changing for gym class and someone pointed out my timer. Someone who only had one timer definitely meant that there was something wrong with them, that they were incapable of love. That they were cruel and inhumane and would never be able to make friends with anyone because of how terrible they were.

“They left flowers on my desk every day, like it was a fucking funeral. They cut me out of class pictures. They unscrewed my chair to make me fall when I sat on it. I got notes telling me to hang myself, to put my soulmate out of their misery. Someone left a rope on my doorstep on my birthday, along with a printout on how to tie a noose,” Shintaro said quietly, his eyes glued to his slippers. “I was only twelve. I didn’t have any friends to tell me to not listen to them. Those words can really influence a kid. I took a bunch of pills, then woke up in the hospital later. I don’t really remember it, but I know that there were two cards when I woke up- one from my teacher, and one from my mom and Momo.”

Kano moved a touch closer, only to place his hand over Shintaro’s, gently prying open his fingers in a meek attempt to encourage him to continue, before pulling his hand away.

“So, that guy from the café was…” Kano trailed off.

“Yeah. One of the main kids,” Shintaro nodded. “When I came back to school, everyone seemed disappointed. I had hoped that just… maybe they would have a change of heart when they heard what happened, but none of them apologised. Or even seemed distraught, really. They all just seemed angry that I was still alive. My teacher suggested a transfer out of the class, and I took it. Then I took my classes online in high school. I met Ayano, Takane, and Haruka around that time, too… On a support forum for people with abnormal timers.”

Ayano didn’t ever seem upset about her timers. Had he just missed it before? Kano waited for Shintaro to continue.

“By the way, I can feel you wondering about your sister,” Shintaro snorted. Impressive. “She just wanted to talk to other people. It wasn’t really about support for her, just more of a chatroom sort of deal.”

“She really is that kind of person, isn’t she?” Kano said.

“She is. Uh, where was I…?”

“Start from meeting my sister.”

“Right,” Shintaro took a deep breath. He seemed to resolve himself to something, before turning to face Kano, getting strangely close. His eyes were dark. “I didn’t try to kill myself again, because I thought that maybe… Maybe you were someone going through something like I did. Maybe you only had one timer. Maybe you were just trying to pull yourself together until the day that you had the chance to meet your soulmate. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t abandon you, even though I didn’t even know who you were. I really, really wanted to meet you.”

Kano flushed. Dammit. Dammit, dammit, dammit. It was almost unreasonable how sappy that sounded, and yet, with the way that Shintaro was staring at him, his pupils boring into what felt like his soul, there was no way that he could be lying. His cheeks hot, Kano shook his head, hoping that would cool him down a bit.

It didn’t.

“I just wanted to live my life with my soulmate and be happy,” The other said softly. “But you came instead. And you… you _weren’t_ a girl. You weren’t anything that I thought you’d be, and…”

Shintaro trailed off.

“And…?”

He swallowed, hard.

“I just… hated you for it. Like how everyone hated me. I did the same thing to you, even though you’re my soulmate.”

Kano was quiet. Shintaro apparently took this as a sign to continue.

“I understand that we’re soulmates, Kano. But it doesn’t feel real. Aren’t we supposed to be in love, or something? Shouldn’t we have kissed by now? Isn’t that how it’s supposed to work? There’s all of these other couples who seem to be able to fall in love just fine, but we… We’re two huge messes. That’s it,” Shintaro went on. “It’s not your fault… After all, you’re the one who managed to get stuck with me. But you aren’t… you _aren’t a girl_ , and you _aren’t_ _in love with me._ ”

Normally, this would have been the part where Kano would speak up with a smart comment, but Shintaro didn’t seem to direct the anger in his voice to Kano, but rather, to himself. His soulmate’s fists were clenched once again, twisting in the sheets anxiously.

“All I wanted was to be happy.”

Kano’s chest felt tight all of the sudden.

This wasn’t the way that Shintaro had mapped out his life at all. It was probably all Kano’s fault, too. Things would have been better if he just had never existed. Then, maybe, the other would have been able to live that normal life that he craved. A normal soulmate with a normal relationship and a stable life. It sounded fair, considering all of the shit that he had gone through up until that point.

These timers were starting to seem like a load of bullshit, anyway.

Well… That was a bit of a lie. Timers had always seemed pointless, truthfully.

“Do we even have to do what these timers say that we have to, though…?” Kano brought up, sliding a touch closer to Shintaro, who was now laying on his side, staring up at him with dull, grey eyes. “They’re just numbers… We don’t have to listen to them. Besides, isn’t it a little creepy that a clock thinks it has the ability to tell us who to fall in love with, anyway?”

Shintaro seemed rather resigned.

“It’s science. This is what humans are supposed to do.”

 Again, Kano shrugged.

“We don’t have to,” He muttered. “We’re still soulmates, no matter what.”

Maybe he didn’t have a response, or maybe he just couldn’t think of one at the time. Inside, lethargically, Shintaro reached out for Kano’s injured hand, to which he offered up with ease, watching in silence as his _soulmate_ tucked in several pieces of bandage that had fallen free from their wrappings. Gently, Shintaro linked their hands for a brief moment, seemingly seeing how they fit together, before looking away, crestfallen.

“I hurt you,” Shintaro muttered, rubbing his thumb along the beginnings of the bruise on Kano’s wrist. It didn’t really hurt, but the mark was there, so it made sense that the other would fixate on it. “I’m sorry.”

Snorting, Kano shook his head, flopping down next to the other and brushing their feet together in what he hoped would be a soothing motion. (Well… That was _one_ of the reasons, anyway. Maybe he also was a little cold, and now that Shintaro wasn’t trying to sever his arteries, he could cozy up a bit. Even if it was next to Shintaro.)

“It’s not a big deal.”

“It _is_ ,” Shintaro insisted, letting go of his hand, leaving it empty and cold. The bandages didn’t provide very good insulation. The pause this time was brief, but still there, Shintaro’s voice a strange mixture of incredulousness and sadness. “I can’t believe you.”

There was a nagging thought at the back of Kano’s head. What a hypocrite, it said, Shintaro was exactly the same way.

Shintaro was staring at him.

Kano couldn’t help but look away a bit, chewing on the inside of his cheek as he waited for Shintaro to say something, anything. The distance between them was enough to be considered fairly normal- it certainly wasn’t intimate, or anything like that- but he could still feel the soft breath of his soulmate on his cheek, see the way his eyes glinted in the dim lighting of their bedroom. Shintaro leaned in a bit, which only made Kano’s breath hitch. (In his defense… It was a little sudden…)

… God. Being stared at so intently made Kano feel like he was being probed. Before he had the opportunity to come up with an excuse to shy away, however, Shintaro’s brows furrowed, and he spoke softly once more.

“I don’t want to live alone.”

If only he knew. Kano’s wrist sort of hurt. His breath hitched momentarily. Hesitating before he answered, he spoke slowly. The words felt like lead on his tongue.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Shintaro only blinked, his eyes growing wide, before shaking his head, abruptly letting go of Kano’s hand to roll over, facing away from Kano and towards the window instead, which was a bit rude. He was trying to be honest, and Shintaro had the nerve to just roll onto his side and pretend like he didn’t exist?

“Hey. I’m being nice, right?” Kano murmured, gently shaking his limp body. “Why did that set you off?”

There was no response.

Frowning, Kano nudged him again, before stilling when Shintaro’s body heaved, shaking and trembling and curling on itself. The sounds coming from him were faint, but still there. Unsteady breathing. Muffled noises. Sniffling.

“Shintaro…?”

The other made no response, just let out a noise that sounded akin to an animal dying, raising his forearms to shield his face. Unbeknownst to him, the sleeve on the right side of his hoodie was exposing his wrist, which was adorned with faint, lateral lines.

Kano chose not to comment on this.

He didn’t really have to create scars for himself, not when he had other people to do it for him.

It shouldn’t have felt so natural to slide off of the bed, to head over to the other side and sit down next to Shintaro’s shaking form. To lay down next to him and slowly wrap his arms around him, only to have Shintaro reach out and grab him, pulling him tight to his chest.

With a surprising amount of force, Shintaro tugged him close, his arms set around Kano’s body like he was desperately holding onto a buoy out at sea, and despite his reservations about being touched, there was absolutely no way in hell Kano could push him away. He wouldn’t, didn’t want to. With shaking hands, Kano pushed his fingers through Shintaro’s dark hair, only barely managing to keep himself anchored as his soulmate buried his face into his chest.

The shirt he was wearing was fairly thin, all things considered.

He could feel Shintaro’s tears soaking through the fabric.

There was some murmuring against his shirt, and Kano had to lean in to hear what it was, exactly. Shintaro’s voice was uneven and hoarse and so quiet that it was barely there.

Kano could still hear it, though.

“Don’t leave me alone. Please.”

For how smart Shintaro was, that was a ridiculous statement.

Really, he should have already known the answer.

“I’m not planning on it.”

Kano’s fingers moved from Shintaro’s hair to the back of his hoodie, waiting a moment before grabbing fistfuls of fabric and bringing him in closer, listening to the convulsive sobbing of his soulmate, who was pressed up against his chest. It should have been gross, how Shintaro was probably getting snot all over the front of his shirt, and how red and puffy his eyes probably were, but Kano hadn’t really given it a second thought. His chest rattled as he breathed, tight and shallow.

At some point, Kano had begun holding onto Shintaro just as tightly, but he wasn’t exactly sure when.

The crying didn’t subside for a while.

Just when he thought that _maybe_ Shintaro had calmed down a bit, he’d shake his head and choke back a sob into the front of Kano’s shirt.

It did stop eventually, however.

Shintaro was still, his arms heavy on Kano’s back as he slept(?) with the sort of tranquility that only an hour of violent sobbing could bring.

Kano was fairly sure that he was asleep, anyway. Burying his nose into Shintaro’s hair, he deeply inhaled and whispered softly.

“Don’t leave me, either.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALRIGHT WELL LET'S NOT BOTHER TO ADDRESS THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM OK... point is, enlightenment is back! huzzah! for those of you who patiently waited for me to update since september, you have my eternal gratitude. and for those of you that joined the derailing fuck train somewhere in between then, welcome!
> 
> it's actually rly funny bc while i was editing this last night, i suddenly got a barrage of comments on this fic which makes my heart swell w happiness but i was like. how . how do you know that im writing... so long story short, the three of you who commented within the past two days are wizards.
> 
> this note is getting long but this is the longest chapter so far, bringing in the word count to a total of 80K! and ironically, as i post this, it is currently kanoshin day (3/7) in japan. this was absolutely not intentional. anyway. enjoy, and leave a comment if you want to discuss anything! as always, i am absolutely astounded and overwhelmed by the incredible support for this fic. especially for the last chapter?! wow!
> 
> thank you all, and have a good read.

      The sunlight filtered through the curtains of the bedroom gently, settling on top of Shintaro’s eyelids and causing him to blink awake, but only after briefly fighting the urge to flop his forearm over his face and block out the light.

The first thing that he noticed, after his senses slowly reacquainted themselves with his body, was how _warm_ it was.

Shintaro had to blink several times to understand why, his cheeks flushing as the cogs of recognition began to turn inside his still sleep-muddled mind.

His face was still pressed against the front of Kano’s shirt, the boy apparently still asleep and unaware of Shintaro’s presence. His arms were wrapped lightly around Shintaro’s torso- nothing that he couldn’t break free from if he truly wanted to, but truth be told, after what had happened the night previous, Shintaro wasn’t too keen on the idea of immediately separating. It was the _least_ he could do for the other, after all.

Besides. It was cold, and Kano was warm. It just made more sense to stick around for a bit. And maybe it was a little creepy, but the steady rise and fall of Kano’s chest heaving against his cheek was oddly soothing, and Shintaro wasn’t quite awake enough to care about how dangerous it was to be snuggling up to Kano like this. If he wasn’t careful, he might actually start to _enjoy_ it, and it went without saying how well _that_ would go over.

Still, Shintaro moved to prop his head up on the pillow next to Kano’s sleeping face.

The moment should have felt more victorious, seeing as he had tried to even the playing field several weeks ago by trying to catch a glimpse of Kano asleep, but more than anything, Shintaro just felt like he was invading the other’s privacy. It took all of his willpower to push that feeling down into his gut, before gently reaching up to move his thumb over the other’s cheek.

His soulmate, from what Shintaro could tell, wasn’t sleeping very deeply, based on the subtle twitches of his eyelids when the light hit them. Speaking of eyes, geez, did Kano always have such long eyelashes? Why hadn’t he ever noticed before? It went without saying that Kano’s eyes were gorgeous, but for the same beauty to be extended to his eyelashes was seriously unfair. There was no reason for Kano to be this attractive. It served no practical purpose, aside from making Shintaro very aware of his bisexuality at times, followed by an awkward period where he had to remind himself that not only did he _not_ have any feelings for Kano at all, but even if he did, Kano was going to die anyway, so there would be no point in acting on them.

Reminding himself of that fact felt sort of shitty, actually. Unconsciously, Shintaro felt his hand move over to Kano’s hair, tentatively running his fingers through his wispy locks. His hair was just as soft as ever, but that was no surprise. The last time that he had gotten a chance to do this, Kano was asleep as well, but there was something a bit different in the air this time. Something heavier that he couldn’t quite place.

Maybe it was the realization that he’d actually have to deal with whatever aftermath his behaviour last night would bring? Especially after slashing Kano like that, too.

_Slashing._

It sounded even worse the more that he repeated it in his mind.

Shintaro’s face twisted in disgust as he ran his fingers through Kano’s hair mindlessly. If anything else, the softness of it took the edge of the endless barrage of self-deprecating thoughts flitting around his mind. Kano’s hand was probably going to be somewhat out of commission for a while, which would really be inconvenient, despite the fact that it wasn’t even his dominant hand. It still sucked to have that sort of lack of mobility.

Kano made a small noise, shifting in his sleep, which only caused Shintaro to yank his hand away from the other, startled, before slowly lowering it back down and brushing several stray strands out of Kano’s face. (Really, Shintaro? That’s so weird, he internally chastised himself. Despite this, it wasn’t like he felt any overwhelming urge to stop playing with his soulmate’s hair, especially when Kano wasn’t even awake to see it, so it was probably fine, right…?)

Kano’s breath felt hot against his skin.

What was he even planning on doing when Kano woke up, anyway? Was he supposed to just play off the previous night’s episode as a weird mood swing and hope that Kano didn’t ask too many questions? The morning after the night of breaking down in front of someone was always so uncomfortable for everyone involved. Not that Shintaro had ever really experienced it to _this_ extent, but it happened often enough in the group chat that he could only imagine the awkward “It’s Okay, I Don’t Think Any Less of You” talk would probably occur in real life as well. But worse.

As it was currently, though, Kano still wasn’t awake, so that meant that it was probably okay to drink in the sight of his soulmate sleeping for just a bit longer.

Shintaro brushed several pieces of hair behind the other’s ear in what he hoped was a gentle enough motion to not disturb him. Hair had no business being that soft. It was almost irritating how nice it was.

This went on for several more minutes- the gentle stroking of Kano’s hair as Shintaro tried to regulate his breathing so as to not jostle the other too much- before his soulmate shifted once more, their legs sliding against each other. He tried not to think too much of it, but just as Shintaro was about to run his fingers through Kano’s hair once more, he was cut off by his soulmate’s sleep addled voice.

“Hey…” Kano murmured quietly, his eyes still closed. Shintaro’s hand stilled. Shit. He had been caught. Abort mission. “Is there something wrong with my hair?”

“Uh,” Shintaro began eloquently. “Yeah… Yeah, it’s messy.”

Nice.

“That’s just bedhead, genius,” Kano responded with less irritation than Shintaro would have expected. His eyes blinked open, and _dammit,_ they were practically glowing with warmth in the morning light. Shintaro almost lost his breath for a moment, there, but not really, because that’d be corny and stupid. “But please, feel free to keep petting me.”

If he didn’t know any better, Shintaro would say that there were the beginnings of a blush forming on Kano’s cheeks.

“Hey… Are you blushing?” He stupidly blurted out before he could stop himself, immediately regretting it.

Kano sputtered for a moment, seeming genuinely taken aback, which was a privilege in and of itself, but quickly composed himself and narrowed his eyes, grinning.

“Oh, well, of course I am. Anyone would be embarrassed with having a soulmate like you, after all! I mean, you _drool_ in your sleep. And snore, too. It’s really gross, actually,” Kano said, waving him off. “You should be grateful that I didn’t kick you out of the bed last night. I definitely had every right to.”

Shintaro balked. “I don’t drool!”

“You _do_ snore, though,” Kano grinned triumphantly. “And besides, maybe you just don’t know that you drool? After all, I had to keep getting up last night to empty the drool bucket-“

“The _drool bucket?_ ”

“-Yes, the _drool bucket_ \- to make sure that it wouldn’t overflow.”

Rolling his eyes, Shintaro began to slowly remove his hand from the mess of blond of hair on his soulmate’s head, to which Kano had no visible reaction. It was equal parts relieving and disappointing.

“That’s so gross, Kano.”

“I _know_ , that’s why you should be _thanking me_.”

“I’m not going to bother commenting on that, actually. I can’t believe you have the energy to mess with me this early in the morning,” Shintaro said dully, fighting back a yawn. “Did you get any sleep last night…?”

Kano shrugged, shifting in the sheets, though he couldn’t tell if the boy had moved closer or further away.

“I slept okay. Thanks for asking.”

Nodding silently, their eyes met each other’s for only a brief moment before the uncomfortable, heavy feeling was back in the pit of Shintaro’s stomach again and he was forced to look away. The bed moved underneath him, and then Kano was sitting up, stretching and cracking his neck. Shintaro’s eyes lingered on how the light silhouetted him for no more than a second, or maybe a few, before moving down to the shoddily wrapped bandages on Kano’s hand.

“Hey…” Shintaro cleared his throat, sitting up and reaching out towards the bandaged hand. “I’m sorry…”

Kano turned, raising an eyebrow. “For what?”

“Last night. I’m sorry,” There was a pause before he clumsily gestured towards Kano’s injured hand, which seemed a bit more real than he would have liked when it was actually there in front of him. Shintaro didn’t mean for his voice to sound so shaky, but at the very least, Kano didn’t seem to notice. “And for your hand, especially.”

“Right, that…” Turning back around, Kano shrugged, continuing his stretches, before eventually standing up. “Well! It’s not my dominant hand, so I can still work. And besides, it isn’t good to bottle all of your emotions inside you. I’d rather you talk to me than just. I don’t know. Explode.”

Shintaro narrowed his eyes. Really, just how little did Kano care about himself? He had just dodged the question last night, but truthfully, it seemed really unhealthy to be so apathetic towards your own wellbeing that you just… _didn’t care_ that your hand was slashed open with scissors.

“Besides,” Kano spoke up, obviously uncomfortable with the silent non-response that Shintaro was serving up. “You didn’t exactly cut me. The scissors just slipped from both of our grips. It’s as much my fault as it is yours. I’m sort of glad that it happened, anyway. At least it seemed to get you to tell me what was on your mind.” He threw out a bit of a lopsided grin, which was a… new expression for him.

Truthfully, Kano had no business telling Shintaro to open up and to be more comfortable talking about his feelings, the hypocrite. Briefly, he considered voicing this, but his protests died on the tip of his tongue when his gaze flitted over the bandages on his soulmate’s hand once more.

He really had no right to say anything to Kano after what he did to him.

“Well, still. Thank you. I mean it,” Shintaro said quietly, reaching out to tuck a stray piece of the bandage into its other wrappings, while Kano patiently watched, albeit his hands shook slightly. “I’ll treat you to breakfast, if you want. In thanks.”

“You _do_ kind of owe me, don’t you…?” Kano snickered, but there was no malice behind it. The sound was warm and comforting, for some odd reason that Shintaro couldn’t quite place. “If that’s what you want! I also wouldn’t say no to an all-expense paid cruise…”

“… So anyway, do you want to get ready first, or should I?”

Kano rubbed his chin in thought, humming deeply, before tugging on a jacket and heading over to the bedroom door. “I’m feeling generous. Go ahead. Just don’t make a mess with the toothpaste this time, okay?”

Grumbling, Shintaro waved him out of the room. The mess wasn’t even _that_ bad, please. Kano simply wasn’t giving him enough credit. (He had cleaned it up pretty well, too. The stains were barely noticeable now.)

The door closed gently, and as soon as it did, Shintaro flopped onto his back, his head lolling to the side, face pressed flush against the side of Kano’s pillow. The familiarly warm scent flooded through his body in a way that made him only want to curl closer and breathe it in deeply, despite every cell in his brain telling- no, _screaming_ at him not to. It took another minute or two of fierce internal debate before Shintaro’s body went lax, his eyelids fluttering shut.

Just this once, he told himself. Just this once.

Technically, he and Kano were soulmates, right? Wasn’t there some sort of biological reaction that soulmates were supposed to have with each other? Something about the brain being flooded with endorphins when someone picked up their soulmate’s scent?

That’s all it was. Wanting to surround himself in Kano’s scent was _normal_.

… Or, maybe not normal, but at the very least, it made sense on a biological level.

Rolling over, Shintaro tentatively wrapped his arms around the pillow, pressing his face against the fabric.

It would be useless to fend off biology, but at the very least, he could try to fight off how familiar and comforting it felt, flooding his veins with honey and warm syrup. (Contain yourself, idiot. Endorphins were no reason to get all worked up over a smell.)

After a moment of self-deprecation and deep breathing, Shintaro threw his legs off of the side of the bed, hitting his heels against the side of the wooden frame. Still holding the pillow, he fluffed it up quickly before setting it down next to his own.

The peachy streaks of makeup left behind on Kano’s pillow case did not go unnoticed, and did not leave his mind for even a single second whilst getting ready.

* * *

 

      “It’s just a few things. C’mon. You owe me,” Kano grinned, holding up his left hand, which had slowly been healing over the past few days. The cut had already scabbed over, which Kano would frequently use as a bargaining tool by waving it around in Shintaro’s face in what he could only assume was in an attempt to gross him out. It only sort of worked. Sometimes. “And the house is only like a half mile away from here. We could just walk there and then take a taxi home.”

 Shintaro huffed, readjusting the grocery bags to hoist them over his shoulder. With Kano’s left hand still healing, it would have probably been a better idea to not buy as much at the store, but there were some pretty good sales going on. That didn’t mean that the stuff wasn’t getting annoying to carry, though.

“I don’t want to, though. My legs hurt.”

Kano rolled his eyes, walking firmly in the direction of his childhood home. At this point, it appeared there was really no stopping him, after all, and it was better company to be with him than to just leave and go home, so it wasn’t like Shintaro had much of a choice but to follow. That wouldn’t stop him from grumbling about it, though.

“You whine a lot, you know that? It’s really annoying,” Kano hummed, taking long strides that Shintaro had to fight to keep up with. “I just need a few of my old sweaters and stuff. I didn’t think it would get this cold.”

“What, did you not think that winter would come…?” Shintaro asked, very nearly tripping over a large chunk of ice that didn’t seem to want to melt any time soon, which only caused Kano to snicker a bit, that jerk. “You probably should have planned ahead better.”

“To be honest, I didn’t think that we’d end up living together for that long, so…” Kano admitted in a tone that seemed like he was trying a bit too hard to be casual about it, despite his best efforts. “But hey, things change. What’s important now is that I get a few more sweaters. Wearing the same ones over and over gets pretty boring.”

There was something upsetting about how easily Kano admitted that he was expecting them to fail as soulmates, but Shintaro managed to swallow the feelings down somehow, nodding in understanding.

“Not just that… It’s annoying to have to do the laundry so often, too. Really,” Shintaro huffed. His breath came out in a visible white puff. “Maybe getting you new shirts will keep our water bill down for a change.”

“Maybe if you stopped playing hentai games our electricity bill would be down for a change.”

Around that point, Shintaro decided that it was probably best to hold off on conversation until they reached Kano’s family’s home.

Despite the heat radiating off of his cheeks, the rest of the walk very nearly gave him frostbite, and when they finally found themselves stumbling up the driveway of the brick house, Shintaro was about ready to start tearing off extraneous limbs to conserve body heat. (Not that Kano would let him do anything like that.) The warmth of the house enveloped them both as soon as they set foot within the door- Kano hadn’t bothered to knock; it was still _his_ house, after all- and with a quick glance over at the other, it seemed that Kano was just as relieved to be inside as Shintaro was, though for the same reasons, he wasn’t sure.

Taking off his shoes, Shintaro let out long breath, shaking the stray flurries of snow out of his hair. “At least it’s warm in here.”

Kano kicked off his boots in what seemed to be agreement, tossing him a lopsided smile.

“It’s probably Kousuke’s doing. He likes to keep the house abnormally warm. Just wait a few minutes; it’ll start to get sweaty soon,” He said, preemptively shrugging off his jacket and hanging it up on a nearby hanger. “Speaking of which, I think I heard his hefty lumberjack footsteps approaching.”

Not even a moment later, an apron-clad Seto appeared around the corner, holding a large tray of cookies with two oven mitts, his hair clipped back in a similar fashion to how it had been at the Christmas party.

“I thought I heard someone! Good thing it’s only you two and not a burglar, otherwise offering a few cookies would be pretty awkward, huh…?” Seto grinned, nudging the tray in their general direction. Kano faltered for a moment, strangely, before snickering and picking a cookie off of the tray.

“You didn’t bake these, did you?” Kano asked somewhat warily, eyeing the cookie before ultimately taking a small bite. He didn’t immediately throw up, which Shintaro considered to be a good sign, seeing how apprehensive he was about even handling the confectionary. Was Seto not a good chef, or something…? The idea seemed blasphemous, considering how well he worked the apron.

Sheepishly, Seto set the tray down, reaching around his back to untie the apron, which seemed to have a small lace trim at the very bottom.

“How’d you know? Tsubomi did all of the work. She just had to meet up with Momo and get some things settled, so I took them out of the oven for her,” He said, pausing for a moment to fold up the apron and set it next to the cookies. “Are you just here to visit?”

Shintaro shook his head, kicking his feet around in the foyer.

“Kano’s here to get a few more of his clothes. I was just forced along.” He explained, savoring the slightly annoyed expression his soulmate gave him in exchange.

“Acting like you don’t enjoy my company is _really_ unbecoming of you, soulmate dearest,” Kano scoffed, causing Shintaro to choke on his own saliva as he grabbed another cookie before heading off in the direction of the stairwell. “I’ll be down in a few minutes, though, so if you guys could just wait for me, we can talk more then.”

Seto chuckled slightly, waving him off, and with that, Kano was bounding up the stairs, out of sight within a matter of seconds, leaving Shintaro and Seto alone. His footsteps echoed only briefly, before the silence became all too apparent. He coughed in an attempt to ease some of the tension, but it still felt like Seto’s gaze was boring into him, though he wasn’t even sure if Seto was looking at him in the first place.

The awkward atmosphere didn’t disappear when their eyes met, but Seto smiled patiently and stood, sauntering over to the bottom of the steps and taking a seat on the lowest step.

“Is it anxiety?” Seto asked after another long pause. “I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but you remind me a lot of how I used to be.”

Shintaro stopped twiddling his thumbs momentarily to look up at the other, only to be met with that same warm smile, a perfect mirror of his older sister’s.

“Sorry. It’s not you, it’s just…” He explained grimly, gesturing to the air vaguely before letting his hand limply flop down to his side. “You know how anxiety is. It doesn’t really care who you are. It’s just interested in making things harder for you.”

Seto laughed once, folding his legs casually. “I get it. I was just about the biggest ball of anxiety when I was a kid, right before meeting Shuuya and Tsubomi. I cried over _everything_ , seriously! It didn’t really start to get better until we were adopted over here and I was able to talk to people about it.”

There was just something about “talking” about anxiety that didn’t particularly strike Shintaro as anxiety-reducing, but maybe it’d be worth a shot. Someday. The idea didn’t seem particularly appealing at the moment. Shintaro twiddled his thumbs, nodding as his shoulders relaxed slightly.

“Momo decided to set up regular visits to this local therapist when her music career started to take off,” Shintaro explained, noting how Seto’s hand fluttered to their linked timers at the mention of her name. “Just to deal with the pressures of fame. Things like that. I guess it’s helping, or she would have stopped going by now.”

The other hummed in response, leaning back into the steps.

“I’m pretty lucky to be timed with Momo. She’s an inspiration to a lot of people,” Seto said, which only made Shintaro narrow his eyes. (Seto wasn’t _wrong_ , but it was a little bit difficult to think of his younger sister as an inspiration when virtually all she did outside of being an idol was lay around eating gross snacks and watching gaming commentary online.) “It really is something else that two of my soulmates are also soulmates with each other, though! Talk about a coincidence.”

Shintaro could only shrug. Timers did have a tendency to pull people together in mysterious ways, but there was something a little… _too_ convenient about Seto’s timers consisting only of his adoptive sibling, said adoptive sibling’s future wife, and some person that he’d probably meet in the local woods in less than a week’s time. With over nine billion people in the world, the odds of that happening completely at random were next to nothing.

Then again, someone with only one timer really had no right to question anyone else’s. It didn’t matter, he supposed, provided that they were all happy.

“She’s a good person,” Shintaro eventually settled on. “Her and Kido get along really well, too. They make a good pair.”

“They do, don’t they?” Seto said, laughing lightly. “Just like you and Shuuya.”

Shintaro could only stare, waiting for the other to take back the comment or at the very least change the subject. (No such luck- In fact, Seto almost seemed to be staring him down, watching him intently and waiting for a proper response, which, if he was being completely honest, was sort of completely terrifying.)

 _“What?”_ He squeaked out after the initial wave of his internal meltdown had passed.

“You and Shuuya make a good pair,” Seto repeated firmly. “You two are really so, so similar… That’s not to mention how you both behaved at the Christmas get-together, either!”

“What? How did we,” Shintaro raised two fingers on each hands, making air quotes. “ _Behave_?”

 It was almost funny, how genuinely confused the other looked for a moment, his brows furrowing in confusion, before beginning to laugh lightly, the palm of his hand pressing against his forehead.

“You seriously don’t know?”

Shintaro grumbled in response, which only made Seto laugh _more_ , much to his dismay. Silently, he fumbled around with the end of his scarf, clearing his throat slightly. Eventually, the laughter did die down, but it seemed to take a spectacular amount of effort and a few repressed giggles, which really wasn’t helping the other’s case, Shintaro mused.

“After dinner, we were washing dishes together, and he wouldn’t stop talking about you. I don’t think he realised it, either,” Seto grinned. “And besides… Didn’t you two end up under the mistletoe at the end of the night, anyway?”

Immediately, Shintaro’s stomach dropped, going pale for a moment before feeling the heat on his cheeks began to creep up. _“What-_ No, _no,_ what makes you say that?”

“I saw you two. Sorry about that,” Seto began, looking not very apologetic at all. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. But either way, I’m really happy for both you and Shuuya.”

Shintaro blinked.

That was funny.

It almost sounded like Seto said that not only did he see him and Kano under the mistletoe, but he _also_ thought that they were now a couple.

Wait.

“Wait- _wait, what?_ That’s… Hey, no, ah-” Shintaro began quietly, only for Seto to continue speaking over his trembling voice.

“You two work really well together!” Seto grinned. “And you seem really comfortable around him, too. It’s no wonder that you’re soulmates. As much resentment as Shuuya holds for timers, they allowed him to meet you, so I tend to think that they’re worth the hassle, personally.”

Shintaro could only stare with wide eyes as Seto spoke, too shocked to say much more than make a few silent interjections here and there, to which the other didn’t seem to notice in the slightest. Quietly, Shintaro decided that it was probably best to never be left alone with Seto ever again, lest he wanted to feel like hiding his face in his scarf. Uneven, Shintaro’s voice cracked when he managed to raise it enough for Seto to hear.

“Kano and I aren’t dating, actually…” He explained hastily, the blush on his cheeks radiating heat off of his face and making the entire room seem much, much too hot for his heavy winter clothes. “We’re, uh, friends. Nothing happened under the mistletoe. So…”

Seto seemed confused, and narrowed his eyes slightly, standing up and seemingly looking Shintaro over before letting out a short laugh.

“Sorry about that, then! I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions,” He said, looking genuinely apologetic for a moment, before waving it off. “I could have sworn I saw you kiss him on the head. Maybe my eyes were just playing tricks on me.”

Shintaro nodded hastily.

“Y-Yeah! That’s probably it. You probably just had too much, uh,” Pause. “Eggnog? I’ve heard that eggnog can make you hallucinate.”

“Eggnog making people hallucinate…? I’ve never heard that before.”

“It’s true. I read about it in… the… uh, newest edition of Time magazine.”

Seto eyed him suspiciously, but ultimately shrugged it off. Unconsciously, Shintaro let out a long sigh of relief.

“That’s fascinating! I’ll have to read that issue, then,” He smiled. “You must really keep up with current events.”

Beginning to feel his neck ache from nodding near constantly since arriving, Shintaro nodded once more, and with that small gesture, the silence returned again. Seto put up with the awkwardness for a moment, before politely excusing himself to go check on the other batch of cookies that Kido had apparently left for him to take care of. With the other gone, Shintaro’s eyes began to drift around the room, over the partly torn-down Christmas decorations that were somehow still up, despite it being almost halfway through January. They suited the homely atmosphere of the room, somewhat.

Mindlessly, he glanced at the side table several feet to his left, which was overly cluttered with unopened letters of junk mail and subscriptions to several nature and animal centered magazines. Amongst the mess, a single photo of four smiling children sat, framed with sloppily painted wood and the word “heroes” scrawled in children’s penmanship along the bottom of the frame.

He couldn’t help but smile softly, temporarily forgetting his embarrassment.

“Are you looking at our family photo?” A voice from the top of the stairs called out, which made Shintaro jump slightly, turning to look up. Kano stood at the top step, a grey duffel bag slung over his shoulder. “We were cute, weren’t we? Our family has always been pretty close…”

The small Ayano in the photo was grinning widely, her red scarf lovingly draped over the three slightly smaller children. Seto’s eyes were slightly puffy, probably having just finished crying, if what he said earlier held any weight. Kido was remarkably un-stoic for once, wearing a big toothy grin with a wide gap in the middle and several bandages on her cheeks.

The child on the far right, with his bright eyes and his fluffy yet choppy hair, was just about the cutest thing he had ever seen.

It could only be Kano.

“This is you, right?” Shintaro pointed to the right side of the photo. “The kid over on the right?”

Adult-sized Kano headed down the stairs, walking over and glancing at the frame from over Shintaro’s shoulder. With a bit of nervous laughter, Kano rubbed at the back of his head.

“I mean, who else would it be?”

“Good point, I guess.”

Kano’s smile in the photo was near blinding, despite the way that the scarf was partially obstructing the view of his left eye. Shintaro looked at it for another moment before gently setting it down again, being careful not to drop it in the process. When he turned back around, Kano was already slipping on his shoes, the duffel bag seated neatly next to him.

“You know, you were a pretty cute kid,” Shintaro mused, moving over to pull on his shoes as well, though truthfully, the offer of cookies from earlier was starting to sound appealing. “What happened?”

The other snorted, rolling his eyes.

“Wow, that’s even less funny than usual! Great work, Shintaro!”

“Thanks. I try.”

“You _try_ not to be funny? That explains a lot!” Kano responded, but even so, Shintaro could hear the beginnings of laughter in his voice. “Anyway. Where did my brother go?”

Before Shintaro could respond, Seto emerged from around the corner, right on cue. It was almost impressive how well timed it was until it became apparent that he was likely just standing there waiting for a good opportunity to jump into the conversation rather than intrude.

“Are you already leaving?” Seto asked, frowning slightly. “I was going to make dinner in a few minutes, so if you wanted to, you could head home after that.”

Shintaro glanced out the window panes of the front door. It was already getting sort of dark out, and they hadn’t really bought anything frozen at the store, so it’d probably be fine to stay a bit longer. It wasn’t like they had anything pressing to do at home, after all. Tono would probably be fine, seeing as he had left more than enough food to last her until late into the evening. Kano seemed to be considering the offer as well, humming in contemplation before finally standing up.

“Are you actually making the dinner? Or are you just heating it up?”

Laughing, Seto waved him off and began to turn into the next room, glancing over his shoulder at the pair. “Don’t worry! I’m just going to heat up some leftover soup from the other day. There’s more than enough for the both of you, though, so feel free to eat your fill.”

With a sideways glance at each other, Shintaro and Kano kicked off their shoes wordlessly, heading into the kitchen. No further discussion was needed.

* * *

 

Dinner wasn’t anything too special. The soup wasn’t the normally fancy fare that Kido liked to cook up, but it was warm and had plenty of vegetables. Apparently, she had made a large batch of it the several days previous and had frozen portions of it in hopes that Seto would just eat that instead of eating raw vegetables all night. (“What do you eat when Kido isn’t here, then?” “I usually just go into the garden and have a few carrots. They’re full of vitamin C!”)

After leaving, both he and Kano clambered into a taxi, hunger satiated, and limbs heavy with exhaustion. It took almost all of Shintaro’s efforts to not fall asleep in the car, and by the looks of it, Kano wasn’t faring much better- his eyes drooped slightly as they were carted back to their home. Upon stopping, the other yawned, stepping out of the cab and stretching, looking just the slightest bit more awake.

Their front door swung open viciously, thudding against the wall in the process. Kano clicked his tongue as he stepped inside, Shintaro following shortly behind with not only the groceries from earlier, but also Kano’s duffel bag, which he had somehow been roped into carrying along the way.

“I, ah, thought the door was heavier than that,” Kano admitted underneath his breath, before turning and snatching the duffel bag from Shintaro’s hands. “I’ll be taking that.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re welcome,” He huffed, watching the other’s departing figure as he began to unzip the bag, pulling out sweaters and hoodies of different colours and fabrics by the handful. And by different colours, he mostly meant various shades of grey. Kano didn’t appear to have any interest in wearing anything but neutral shades. It wasn’t like Shintaro was any better, but at the very least, he had a few red jackets and the like. “Your clothing choices are very… monochromatic.”

“It’s more comfortable to wear things that won’t draw people’s eyes to me,” Kano explained bluntly, and his tone left no room for any further questions. “More importantly, doesn’t it feel sort of cold in here? I thought we left the heater on when we left.”

Furrowing his brows, Shintaro nodded, only to realise that Kano couldn’t see his small motion.

“We definitely did. I put it up pretty high, too… For Tono,” He called back, tugging off his jacket and approaching their small space heater. Though still plugged in and still switched into the “ON” position, the metal was as cold as ice. Furrowing his brows, Shintaro kneeled down, turning the device over and switching it off, waiting for a moment before switching it on again. The heater, being fairly old, usually made a sound similar to a small animal screeching when it was first turned on, but this time, it was suspiciously silent. “Hold on.”

Shuffling over on his knees, Shintaro reached for the cord and unplugged it. Plugged it in again. Shockingly, this yielded no different result from turning it off and on again. With a heavy sigh, he set down the cord, flopping onto his back and staring up at the ceiling.

“It’s broken.”

Kano’s head poked around the doorway of the bedroom.

“What?”

“Broken.”

“It’s broken…?” The other’s eyes narrowed slightly, before tossing the duffel bag into the corner of the bedroom and meandering over to the space heater. Shintaro shifted over a bit to allow Kano better access to the piece of trash, moving obediently out of the way when he reached for the heater. Kano took it in both hands, staring at it blankly for a moment, before giving it a hard shake. When nothing happened, he furrowed his brows, before setting it down harshly and shrugging. “Do you know how to fix it, Shintaro? Because I don’t.”

Briefly, Shintaro spared a glance at the small scar on his hand from when he had tried to “repair” the toaster oven by relentlessly jamming a screwdriver into its vents at the age of 8. The incident ended up having a rather shocking conclusion.

“I think we should just get another one, honestly. This one makes the apartment smell like burning trash.”

Kano made a noise that sounded almost like a laugh, causing Shintaro to fill up with an odd sense of pride. It wasn’t like his soulmate didn’t have a sense of humor- far from it, actually. Most of the things he that said on a day to day basis weren’t exactly intended to be taken at face value. However, it wasn’t often that Kano genuinely _laughed_. He chuckled, snickered, grinned, and smirked almost constantly, but he rarely smiled or laughed. Now that he was thinking about it, Kano didn’t do much of anything genuinely.

From time to time, though, if he was lucky, Shintaro could catch a glimpse of his smile, or hear his voice occasionally trail off into breathy laughter.

It was… pleasant, he supposed.

“I guess. The stores are pretty much all closed right now, though,” Kano said, hoisting himself up, only to make it about a yard over to the couch before sinking back down again. “Except for the 24-hour ones, but the closest one of those is still around a half an hour away, right? Maybe we should just wait until the morning.”

“That’s easy for you to say. You’re the one who gets the bed tonight,” Shintaro frowned, rolling onto his side to face the other. “I’m probably going to die of hypothermia on this ugly couch.”

“You’re such a drama queen, Shintaro. You won’t get hypothermia,” Kano said decisively. That seemed to be the end of the sentence, until a small smirk gradually began to grow on his face. “Just frostbite. So if I were you, I’d say goodbye to my favourite fingers and toes now. Who knows if they’ll be there in the morning?”

Shintaro found himself chuckling before he realised it, eliciting a satisfied hum from his soulmate, who was apparently tired of lazing around the couch. Standing, Kano stretched fluidly, his body moving like water as he reached above his head and back down. Strangely enough, for someone as nimble as Kano, he didn’t really do much exercise, nor did he even eat healthily for the most part. Did he have a toned stomach, too? Probably not. That’d be a little bit of a stretch. Not that it mattered.

Unconsciously, his gaze drifted to Kano’s waistline, observing- _not_ staring- the trim of the sweater briefly rise above the line of his hips, just barely exposing a partition of smooth, milky white skin-

Marred with a large oblong scar.

Shintaro blinked, and by the time the image had registered in his mind, Kano’s sweater was back in place, and he was speaking to him like nothing had ever happened. He probably wasn’t even aware of his mistake, appearing almost remarkably calm and laid back, despite Shintaro’s unintentional invasion of his privacy. Swallowing dryly, he could only listen, his eyes drifting away from the other’s slim form.

“Y’know what? I’m actually starting feeling sort of uneasy at the thought of you sleeping out here in the cold. Lucky you!” Kano piped up, placing his hands on his hips. “I guess we can share the bed tonight. Having someone like you around with no working limbs would be pretty troublesome.”

Still mulling over the idea of Kano possibly having even more scars than he had seen previously, the offer took a second to work its way into Shintaro’s mind, and by the time the idea of “sleeping with Kano” actually formed a solid image in his brain, Kano was looking away, messing with the sleeve of his sweater and just barely biting his lower lip.

“Ah… Although, if you don’t want to, then-“

“No! I want to!” Shintaro blurted out, managing to somewhat shake himself out of his stupor to sit up, resting his entire body weight on the heels of his hands. He hadn’t realised how forcefully this action came across until Kano’s expression shifted into something between surprise and embarrassment, not even bothering to finish his sentence in lieu of fiddling around with the loose strands of thread on the throw pillows.

Shintaro’s cheeks began to feel warm, and quickly, he attempted (keyword: _attempted_ ) to regain control of the situation as best he could. “Sorry, uh, it’s just… I was just thinking about something, so it took me a second to… process it? I didn’t want to- I mean, I didn’t want you to think that I was saying _no,_ so… Any… Anyway!” He cleared his throat, fighting the urge to run off and just share the cage with Tono for the night. Making a mental note to put the scar situation on the back burner for now, Shintaro took a deep breath, rearranging his thoughts until the earlier sight was neatly tucked away, waiting to be revisited later. “Yeah. Thanks. It’s too cold for the couch.”

Kano looked up at him, examining Shintaro for a moment that felt like a century, only to finally rolling his eyes in an exaggerated manner and groan loudly, before settling into an amused grin. His cheeks were still slightly red, a detail which was rather hard for Shintaro to ignore when Kano was smiling like that.

“How is it even possible for you to be this awkward? I’m serious. Have you ever interacted with a human before?” He asked, looking genuinely curious. “Wait, do you even know what humans are? You poor soul. All of your alien dating sims have distanced you from reality.”

“Jerk,” Shintaro huffed, standing up to begin grabbing up the empty dishes leftover from breakfast that morning. They hadn’t bothered to put them away earlier, more focused on getting out of the house to fill their fridge. “I’m going to kick you out of the bed tonight.”

The other merely snickered, a very much welcome sound. This was the Kano that he was used to, after all. Snarky, sarcastic, always looking for a way to throw in a timely joke. Though, it wasn’t as if the quiet, somewhat easily embarrassed tendencies that he’d exhibit from time to time didn’t suit him either. On the contrary, in fact.

It was just that, well, seeing Kano’s cheeks flush and his nervous laughter sort of did weird things to Shintaro’s stomach that he was becoming more and more interested in ignoring.

“I’m gonna head into bed. If you load the dishwasher tonight, I’ll unload it tomorrow?” Kano called out as he headed for the bedroom, dragging his feet as he walked. “See you in a few minutes, I guess.”

Shintaro dunked the chipped coffee mug in the hot water, turning off the faucet before answering. “Sure. See you in there.”

Murmuring something that seemed to be a response, Kano left the room, the door shutting quietly behind him as he entered the bedroom.

For someone who clearly valued his personal space bubble above all else, Kano hardly seemed to think twice about offering up a space in the bed. True, they had shared a bed once before, but that was mostly out of circumstance rather than a conscious choice to fall asleep next to each other. Now that he was actually thinking about it, the entire situation seemed completely out of character for him. Shintaro gripped fistfuls of his hair with both hands, groaning. This was just too much.

He was probably overthinking it, Shintaro thought, wandering about the kitchen as he aimlessly polished an already clean pot. There was no reason to be so nervous. It was just a friendly gesture, from one friend to another. If anything, he should be appreciative of the offer.

Inhaling deeply, Shintaro set down the now pristine pot, releasing it as its metal touched the countertop.

This wasn’t a big deal. He and Kano were around each other practically _all the_ time; what difference would sleeping next to each other make? And besides, it was only for one night! If things turned out strangely, they could just revert to their usual bed-couch swapping ways. There was no reason for his nerves to be acting up like this. Everything would be fine, and normal, and they’d just sleep. Like usual.

Right?

* * *

 

      Wrong.

Shintaro had crawled into the bed around twenty minutes ago, and though he normally fell asleep within the first few minutes of his head hitting the pillow, the normal, expected drowsiness that he typically felt simply never came. Instead, it was replaced by a knot in the pit of his stomach that was taking hold of him and refusing to let go, clenching tighter and tighter with the slowly dawning realization that _holy shit, they were sharing the same bed, weren’t they?_

To make matters worse, Kano was definitely _not_ asleep yet. His breathing was too shallow, and despite what seemed to be feeble attempts to relax his body, it was far too obvious that both of them were just lying there together, completely awake.

Kano shifted harshly, tugging a decent sized portion of the comforter over to his side, leaving Shintaro’s left leg uncomfortably cold.

Jerk.

Grunting, he grabbed the blanket with both hands, yanking the stolen fabric over to his side. Kano made an irritated noise in protest, before apparently remembering that he was supposed to be “asleep”, and abruptly went limp, but not before pulling the comforter back over to his side.

Shintaro furrowed his brows, throwing a glance over his shoulder at Kano’s form, now bundled up with the majority of the blankets, looking much like a caterpillar in cocoon. As annoying as this was, he might have been able to put up with it for the night, provided that he didn’t move a single centimeter from where he was currently laying, but only a moment later, Kano tugged at the blanket _again,_ stealing whatever scraps of fabric remained from Shintaro. That was the last straw.

“What the hell, Kano?” Shintaro groaned, sitting up. “Stop that!”

There was an incredibly self-satisfied humming noise from the blanket cocoon, followed by an obviously fake yawn.

“Oh?” Kano gasped in a manner that would make the acting in a middle school play look good. Sitting up, he rubbed at his eyes in an exaggerated motion, before plopping back down onto his side. “I’m sorry, Shintaro! I didn’t hear what you said. I was asleep.”

“Liar.” Shintaro grunted, beginning to pull some of the comforter back over to his side. This time, Kano didn’t put up any resistance, letting most of the blanket go easily.

“Yeah, well…” Kano chuckled wryly, shifting away from the topic slowly before ultimately clearing his throat. “I’m actually glad you’re awake. I had some things to ask you.”

Raising an eyebrow, Shintaro settled into the sheets and adjusted the blanket back around himself. The comforter, while still rather large, wasn’t quite big enough to allow for the amount of space that he’d prefer to have between them, so as a result, he was forced to inch closer, their backs mere centimeters apart. Kano’s radiating warmth could just barely be felt against the fabric of his shirt.

“You could have just said that from the beginning, you know…” Shintaro yawned, though he still didn’t feel tired in the slightest.

“Don’t you think that’s a little embarrassing?” Kano asked, his voice uncharacteristically shy. “Saying, ‘Hey, I’ve got a few things to ask you about!’ or something like that?”

“Uh… No?”

“Oh,” The other fell silent for a moment before shaking off the odd mood and continuing. “Are you feeling any better since the other day…?”

The question seemed strangely familiar. Hadn’t he just asked that the other day? It wasn’t like Kano to be so… redundant. Frowning, Shintaro attempted to collect his thoughts before answering. “You already asked me that.”

“I’m just making sure that you’re still okay, so can you answer me already?” Kano said flatly.

To be honest, Shintaro hadn’t really had the time to think about himself much after they had bandaged Kano’s hand for the second time. The thought of being concerned own well-being was almost blasphemous after peeling the stiff, blood soaked wrappings from Kano’s pale, slightly wrinkled skin.

If he _had_ to answer, though, it wasn’t as if he was any worse off than normal. Finally, Shintaro nodded, though he knew very well that the other couldn’t see it.

“I’m okay. I’m not dead, at least.”

There was a brief pause before his soulmate spoke again.

“... Sure.” Kano responded simply, his voice slightly clipped. Shintaro didn’t exactly know what to make of this tone, pressing his lips together as he waited for Kano to continue. “I already knew that. But what’s more important is if you’re planning on doing that again.”

“Again?” Shintaro couldn’t help but peer over his shoulder to glance at Kano, who still wasn’t looking at him. “It’s not exactly a plan right now, but… I can’t say it _won’t_ happen…”

That probably wasn’t a very reassuring answer. For reasons that he couldn’t quite comprehend, Kano was beginning to make it very clear that he was concerned for his wellbeing, and while Shintaro’s answer was completely honest, it may have been better to just stretch the truth a little to prevent him from worrying.

Too little, too late, though to his surprise, Kano only chuckled, releasing a long breath.

“Your honesty really is something else, you know that?”

“I was just answering the question.”

There was a huff.

“Obviously. But just so you know?” Kano turned a bit, a glimpse of his eyes appearing from over his shoulder. “If you need to… get anything off of your chest, I don’t mind if you come to me, or something.”

Most of his face was obscured, Shintaro only just being able to make out bits and pieces of his expression, but even so, Kano’s normally bright eyes were narrowed and serious. The look didn’t suit Kano, but maybe it suited Shuuya. Shifting from the lack of response, Kano’s eyes darted around nervously before continuing.

“… This may come as a surprise, but I have a little bit of experience with knowing how that sort of thing feels…!” Kano laughed in a forced manner, fully turning his body back around and curling up. “So… I won’t make fun of you. I have plenty of real, _actual_ things to make fun of you for.”

As nice as the sentiment was, and as hard as his soulmate tried to fake his smiles and his laughs, it hadn’t take very long for Shintaro to begin to understand how Kano viewed the world and himself. Maybe it was just the sense of connection that those who felt dead inside had with others who felt the same, or maybe it was the way that Kano would look off some days and completely shut down, staring into nothing and forcing his smiles just enough for Shintaro to notice. (Or worse- he wouldn’t bother forcing anything at all. Those days were always the worst, the heavy atmosphere settling like a fog that Shintaro just couldn’t quite cut through.)

There was also the little issue of how he never seemed to have any concern for his wellbeing whatsoever, allowing himself to freely get hurt and brush it off like nothing ever happened. The occurrence with the scissors wasn’t an isolated incident, but just a small piece of an entire, awful mess of things that the other apparently thought Shintaro wouldn’t be able to notice. From Kano randomly forgetting to eat and laughing it off, to taking solitary walks in the middle of winter when it was already far past dusk, nothing regarding his wellbeing was worth “worrying” about to him.

Shintaro had to wonder, did Kano feel the same way when he received those scars?

(Particularly the larger one on his stomach. It looked like the sort of scar someone would get from a quack surgery, or maybe even a stabbing-)

“You…” Shintaro began to respond, trailing off for a moment before recentering his thoughts. Kano waited patiently, unmoving aside from his rhythmic breaths. “As much as I hate to admit this, you know me pretty well.”

There was a short, amused exhale of air from the other.

“That’s the problem, though,” He continued. “I don’t think you _should_ understand it. It’d be better for you if you just couldn’t comprehend how I could think like this, or if you said things like, ‘Cheer up! It’s all in your head!’. It’d be awful for me, but I’d take that over you feeling like _this_.”

As Shintaro finished speaking, Kano held his breath, maybe making sure that he was finished speaking before replying.

“Aw, are you concerned about me?” Unlike his usual remarks of this nature, this statement was delivered flatly, almost under his breath. Kano shook his head, and the motion shifted the sheets. “You don’t want anyone to feel the way you do, yet you also want to be completely understood, right…? Neither can exist without the other.”

Inching his back closer to the other, Shintaro took a moment before nodding.

“Maybe. You’re already here, though. You already know how bad it can get. I wish you didn’t, but at the same time, it’s almost relieving to see that you aren’t just some random, snarky kid who gets enjoyment from teasing people,” He murmured, turning over fully to watch the other’s form. “Even if it’s disgusting to think that way.”

Kano didn’t seem to notice the subtle movements, now laying stiffly on his side and facing the wall. The moonlight glowed around the edges of his silhouette.

“Everything you say is full of contradictions. You remind me of myself.”

With nothing to say in response, Shintaro shut his mouth, waiting for the conversation to continue in any sense of the word, for a snarky comment, for further elaboration, or just _anything_ , really, but nothing came. The sound of Kano’s steady, still very much awake breathing was not entirely the only sound to be heard in the room, but it was the only one Shintaro could very well pay attention to. Kano’s last statement echoed in his mind, bouncing around restlessly.

Was being told that Kano saw similarities between the two of them even a compliment, considering how the other clearly wasn’t fond of himself?

Shintaro wasn’t entirely sure. It was too late to think about those sort of heavy-handed things anyway, he thought, turning back over to face towards the wall and away from the boy that fate had decided would be his soulmate. This seemed to work for a moment, and just as he felt himself drifting off, Kano muttered something under his breath.

“If you moved a little closer, we both could have enough of the blanket to stay warm.”

Blinking the sleep out of his eyes, Shintaro turned to give him an incredulous look, only to see that the boy had practically none of the blanket on his side. Layers and all, winter nights were absolutely _brutal_. It very nearly sent shivers down his spine at the mere sight of the other’s uncovered body.

“Oh, uh…” Shintaro fumbled around intelligently with the blankets, tossing it over Kano’s form and walking over on his knees to move in closer.

 _“Oh, uh…”_ Kano repeated with a snort, curling into the blankets. It took more than a second for Shintaro to realise that he was being teased, and suddenly, the air wasn’t quite so heavy anymore.

The pillows were all messed up now, an observation which made Shintaro grumble and sit up again, fluffing them up and setting them back down in a meticulous manner. Feeling only somewhat satisfied, he laid back down, shifting closer to Kano’s smaller frame. (To get more of the blanket, of course.) Kano didn’t give any verbal indication that he didn’t mind, but moved closer in turn, so it was probably fine.

Shintaro considered saying good night, opening his mouth to do so, before pressing his lips together and squeezing his eyes shut tightly instead. It would just be weird if they said good night, wouldn’t it? That was something that couples did- gently biding each other bedtime farewells. It was simply far too intimate, and besides, the mood wasn’t right for it.

Kano murmured something, the sounds slightly muffled from underneath the bedspread. “Night, Shintaro.”

… Or not, apparently.

“Yeah, sleep tight…” Shintaro muttered, his voice just barely above a whisper.

The other merely shifted against the pillows, and that was that. It didn’t even take very long for Kano to fall asleep after that, either- Shintaro counted less than a hundred sheep before Kano’s breathing was evening out into a steady rhythm, deep intakes of breath followed by gentle releases that were almost soothing to listen to, in a way. He was sort of like a metronome. A very warm metronome.

Once he was sure that his soulmate was asleep, Shintaro rolled up his left sleeve, holding his marked wrist up in the light.

Less than a month left.

With a frustrated sigh, he let his arm fall back down to the mattress with a thump. Kano stirred slightly at the motion, but ultimately didn’t wake up. Thank god. Still, the small movement was enough to make Shintaro move with slightly more caution, slowly pushing down his sleeve and sparing another sideways glance at his partner.

It really _was_ hard to imagine what life was going to be like after the subtimer ran out. Shintaro had already resolved himself to not think about it any more than necessary, but the thoughts often creeped into his mind despite his best efforts. Typically, during the late nights when he was having trouble falling asleep. Those were always fun. There was nothing quite like laying around in a panicked cold sweat to get the blood flowing!

Furrowing his brows, Shintaro turned back around and began to gradually shift towards the other, moving all the way until his back was pressed flush against Kano’s, letting out a shaky breath when they touched. Through the other’s thin shirt, he could just barely feel the thrum of his steadily beating heart.

Just the idea of that heart stopping twisted his stomach into a knot the size of a fist.

At least, with their backs touching, Shintaro would be able to tell throughout the night if Kano were to stop breathing, or something like that. It was just a _precaution_ , and despite what his wrist said, what if Kano died before the subtimer ran out? There was no way that he was going to risk that, or even _entertain_ the possibility, for that matter.

… That’s what he told himself anyway, as Kano’s warmth gradually began to spread through him once again, heating Shintaro from the small of his back and all the way out to the very tips of his fingers, leaving him with a pleasant sleepiness that he very rarely felt nowadays.

With their backs pressed safely up against each other, Shintaro tugged at the blankets and closed his eyes, opting to count each and every breath Kano took in lieu of counting sheep. It took less than twenty of the other’s gentle inhales and exhales before sleep overcame him.

* * *

 

      The night progressed nicely, up until a certain point in which Shintaro was awoken by the feeling of the mattress decompressing by his side. His back was cold.

… Something wasn’t right.

Blinking the sleep out of his eyes, Shintaro sat up slowly, catching a sideways glance at the clock- Around four in the morning. _Far_ too early to be getting up, even by Kano’s standards. The beginnings of panic registered in his sleep-addled brain, but were promptly squashed as he noticed the light creeping out from underneath the crack of the bathroom door.

That should have been the end of the mystery. Case closed; Kano was just using the bathroom. Whatever. It certainly wasn’t worth waking up for. It wouldn’t hurt to roll over and fall back asleep, probably. Kano was old enough to use the bathroom by himself.

And really, Shintaro was planning on doing just that, at least until he heard the water running and the loud huffing from beyond the door. The sound of something splashing, the pitter patter of pacing feet around the small room.

Not the normal sounds that someone would hear coming out of a bathroom, Shintaro noted, finding himself still staring at the door. Silently, he laid down against the sheets, struggling to fight off sleep as he watched the painted wood. Maybe if he stared hard enough, it would just magically open.

It didn’t.

The water was on again- a steadily running sound, momentarily interrupted by quick blips of silence, as if something was interrupting the stream. It didn’t sound like Kano was cupping the water in the palms of his hands. That would have produced a longer pause for the moment that the water was passed through.

It was possible that he was using it to brush his teeth, though that seemed rather unlikely, all things considering. Particularly due to the fact that it was the middle of the night, and they had already brushed their teeth earlier.

Maybe he was… splashing water on his face? Shintaro’s brows furrowed in thought, before ultimately dismissing the entire case. For god’s sake, _it was four in the morning_. Not everything Kano did had to be a goddamn mystery all the time. (Although, that _did_ raise the question as to why Kano felt the need to pace around and splash water on his face in the first place, but- _No,_ Shintaro thought, _none of that right now._ )

The door suddenly opened, and immediately, Shintaro’s eyes snapped shut. There was a bit of movement, and curiosity brought him to slowly open his eyes once more, attempting to appear as still as possible.

Kano’s face was dripping wet- if there were any doubts in Shintaro’s mind that he was splashing water on his face in there, they were certainly gone now. Seemingly unaware of Shintaro’s very much awake state, Kano leaned against the side of the sink, letting his head drop down, small droplets of water dripping off of his nose. There was an irritated sigh, followed by Kano abruptly and roughly pushing his bangs back up and out of his face with both hands. The action made his shirt ride up for the second time this night, and somehow, the moonlight gave a luminescent glow to Kano’s pale skin, accentuating the scar to the point where it almost made Shintaro feel sick.

Clicking his tongue, his soulmate’s expression swelled with irritation before ultimately deflating and dropping entirely. His eyes fluttered shut gently, and Shintaro watched from afar as Kano took in a long, deep breath- enough to fill up his lungs entirely- and held it for several moments before releasing it in a rush. His fingers were shaking, or maybe his entire body was. Shintaro wasn’t entirely sure, his brain soaking up the scene before it as fast as it could, leaving the processing of what the hell was actually going on for later.

It was only when Kano eventually returned to bed, curling up on the far side of the mattress, and not even bothering to really cover himself with the comforter, did the pieces suddenly click together in Shintaro’s mind.

He’d have to find a way to bring it up later, Shintaro thought vaguely. With no lights on or running water or soulmate pacing around, the sleepiness from earlier was back with a vengeance. The last thing that Shintaro could remember doing before falling back asleep was rolling closer to Kano and draping the blanket over his- trembling? - body.

* * *

 

      “You fell asleep pretty quickly last night,” Shintaro mused over his glass of orange juice the next morning. Kano looked up wordlessly from his phone, raising an eyebrow. His hair was sticking up in every direction, having seemingly been too tired to brush it properly that morning. “Were you more tired than usual?”

Kano shrugged half-heartedly. He was stirring his instant oatmeal with a weird sort of determination, maybe to get each oat off of the sides of the bowl before declaring it fit for consumption. The sound of the metal spoon scraping against the porcelain dish wasn’t exactly what Shintaro would describe as pleasant.

He had thought that waking up next to Kano earlier would have been weird, with how the other always set that stupid alarm of his for seven in the morning, and _especially_ with how he was somewhat paranoid that Kano had somehow just known that he was being watched when he woke up at four, but strangely enough, there was no real awkwardness about it. They woke up, Shintaro tried to pretend that he didn’t notice Kano’s slightly smudged makeup, and took turns washing up in the bathroom. Whilst washing his face, Shintaro tried to pretend like he didn’t notice water splashed all over the counter, like someone had been trying to use the faucet late into the night, and when he got dressed, he tried to pretend that Kano wearing only long sleeved shirts and pants was a completely normal thing.

There was something so off about how consuming this entire _soulmate_ business was. A huge chunk of Shintaro’s days and mornings consisted of Kano, whether it be talking with him, being irritated with him, or apparently, being disgustingly concerned about his wellbeing on every level.

“Maybe you were just so boring that I couldn’t help but fall asleep?” Kano tried after a while, though the words didn’t carry the same sort of enthusiasm that they normally had when he was delivering a well-placed jab. He didn’t exactly have a chance to respond to the blond’s half-hearted quip before Kano changed the subject. “Actually, I’m not hungry. You can eat this! You’re welcome.”

He pushed the bowl towards Shintaro with one hand, sticking the spoon into the center of the slop. It wouldn’t have looked appetizing under any other circumstance either, but really, there were other things that Shintaro was concerned with. He nudged the bowl to the side, noting the utter lack of change in Kano’s expression when he leaned back in his chair, narrowing his eyes.

“You should really eat breakfast,” Shintaro chastised him, his eyes narrowing. “But you can eat it later, I guess.”

“Sure, yeah,” Kano stood up, placing his remaining dishes in the sink. It was clear that he had no intention of eating any breakfast, either now or later, as evidenced by his dismissive tone. “I might try to take a nap later, though. I’m still pretty tired.”

“Tired,” Shintaro repeated. “And why’s that?”

“Probably because you kept talking in your sleep,” The other responded easily, and the remark makes Shintaro’s eyes go wide before realising that Kano was just trying to mess with him. Nothing new there, though a lie was still a lie in the end. “It was pretty annoying. I don’t think I’m going to want to sleep with you again anytime soon!”

The statement was said in jest, though it still stung to hear it said aloud, and with such a bright tone, as well. It was probably better to just ignore it. Shintaro huffed nonetheless, and stood up, leaning against the fridge to block the way out of the kitchen.

“Are you sure it wasn’t because of the nightmares?”

It was a shot in the dark, really. Just a hunch. And actually, in some other universe, Shintaro was _sure_ that it didn’t go over well, with Kano probably staring him down and rolling his eyes at how confident he sounded for such an incorrect assumption. He kind of pitied that alternate Shintaro, wherever he was.

However, in this universe, Kano’s instantaneous reaction was more than enough to confirm his suspicions.

“Nightmares-“  Kano stiffened, his eyes widening. It was as if someone had squeezed the end pieces of a spring together- His entire body coiled up with tension as he took a tentative step backwards, the small of his back hitting the edge of the countertop. “Oh? Nightmares? Did you have some nightmares last night, Shintaro? I wasn’t having trouble sleeping because of your nightmares, I promise, I can’t read minds!”

His smile looked even more sloppily plastered on than usual.

There was nothing satisfying about catching Kano in a lie anymore. Back when they had first met, it was almost something of a game to him; listening carefully for any possible contradictions in his statements or jokes, and throwing them right back at him. It would always take Kano off guard for just a glorious half of a second, before he’d jump right back in with a new cover up and a freshly polished grin. That was all that it boiled down to. Simple amusement to simple reactions. It all seemed so utterly _pointless_ , looking back on it.

The thought trailed off into nothing in Shintaro’s mind.

“You woke up pretty early, didn’t you…? I heard you walking around,” He asserted, taking tiny steps forwards with raised palms. Careful. This had the potential to go very badly. Kano’s smile faltered for a moment, the corners of his lips twitching down and back up again. “And you were doing some deep breaths… splashing water on your face…”

As gentle and non-accusatory as he tried to keep his tone, Kano was now pressed fully against the back of the counter, hands bracing against the granite. His tone wavered when he spoke, a small laugh bubbling out of his throat when their gazes met.

“Maybe I just needed to try and get myself to feel drowsy again, okay? You _know_ that I’m not a good sleeper, so it’s only natural that I wake up sometimes and have to lull myself back to sleep,” Kano hastily explained, now pushing himself up and attempting to create a pathway around Shintaro, presumably so that he could run off for a while, as usual.

“But why would you splash water on your face if you were going back to sleep? That’s what people do if they want to wake up. Or calm down,” Shintaro took another step forward, tentatively pressing the pads of his feet against the tile. Much to his utter horror, his voice was unsteady as he spoke. “It’s… uh, y’know… It’s not that big of a deal. Having nightmares.”

“I’m not sure why you’re pushing this whole-“ Kano made air quotes with his fingers. “ _nightmare_ narrative, but really, I was just getting up to relax myself so that I could return to my perfectly pleasant dreams. No big deal! Really! Now, if you’ll excuse me…”

Kano made a rather bold attempt to side step Shintaro and book his way out of the kitchen, barely making any sort of eye contact as he brushed past him and started to head over to the foyer, probably to throw on some shoes and just _leave_ , when Shintaro, without thinking, reached out and grabbed Kano’s non injured hand.

“Can you _please_ just wait a second before you start running off?” Shintaro asked, voice rough with frustration.

It took a moment before he was able to fully register what he had just done, because _oh good god, they were holding hands now,_ but more importantly, Kano seemed to be in the same state of shock, staring down at the physical contact between them with an unreadable expression. However, he hadn’t _immediately_ knocked Shintaro’s hand away, so maybe that was a good sign?

“You don’t have to tell me about them if you don’t want to,” Shintaro said, entangling their fingers together in a sudden display of confidence. They slotted together perfectly. “I’m not trying to make fun of you or anything like that. I just… sort of wanted to offer some support, or something.”

The self-assured tone in his voice was nearly gone by the time he finished his sentence, though this didn’t seem to bother Kano, who had apparently decided that, out of all of this, the most pressing issue was how their fingers were intertwined. Confusion was practically painted onto his face, not leaving when he eventually looked up and met Shintaro’s gaze with just the slightest bit of uncertainty.

With no verbal response from Kano, Shintaro coughed once, his cheeks heating slightly as he made a feeble attempt to keep the conversation going.

“Weren’t you the one telling me last night that it was okay if I relied on you when I needed to get things off of my chest or something…?” He swallowed hard. “The same goes for you, too. I already said that I’m not leaving you. And I’m not going to _not_ listen to your problems, I mean, we’re soulmates. So…”

Shintaro let the sentence trail off, the rest of the words hanging in the air. A small noise came from Kano’s throat, barely there, before his body went slack and leaned up against the fridge.

“You don’t have to worry about me, really. It’s stupid,” Kano said softly. His gaze was drifted slowly back to their hands, neither pulling back his own, nor squeezing tighter. Just watching, as if he was expecting Shintaro to pull away at any moment. He looked as if he was about to say something more, but apparently thought better of it, pressing his lips together tightly.

“It’s not _stupid_ ,” Shintaro protested, moving closer. “And I’m always worried about you, so get over it. That’s not going to change any time soon.”

The sentence came out a bit… heavier than he intended, but it still got the message across, though that doesn’t stop Shintaro from feeling the immediate embarrassment following his bold statement. Blood rushed to his face, and he just about died when Kano looked back up at him, the other’s cheeks mirroring that of his own.

“You’re always worried about me? Even when I’m in the shower? Or watching TV?” He asked lightly, looking off to the side with a breathy chuckle.

“If you have the time to tease me, then you have the time to tell me what’s wrong,” Shintaro grumbled, though the irritation in his voice simply wasn’t there. “If you want to.”

There was a gentle squeeze from Kano, his thumb rubbing inadvertently against Shintaro’s own as he went silent again. The small motion dragged his attention back down to their hands, which were still most definitely locked together, with neither of them apparently feeling much of a need to pull away. (Which wasn’t a _bad_ thing, because Kano actually had really soft hands, but that _wasn’t the point_ -)

“I’m not really in the headspace to discuss my dreams with you right now,” Kano eventually said, voice soft and barely there. “But if you want to help, you could just make me a cup of tea or something. I’ve had a migraine since I woke up.”

Probably from sleep deprivation, Shintaro thought, but that seemed rather irrelevant to bring up. Instead, he merely nodded, almost reluctantly pulling his grip away from Kano to begin filling up the kettle with water.

“I’ll bring it over once it’s done. Just sit on the couch.”

Humming in thanks, Kano seemed to stumble over to the ugly piece of furniture, letting himself flop down with neither grace nor dignity. His hands patted around for a moment before he found the remote, flicking on a cooking program: Kano’s ultimate go-to for when neither of them really wanted to watch anything plot heavy. By the time that the tea was ready, the woman on screen was pulling some sort of tart out of an oven.

“Drink. I put honey in it,” Shintaro pushed the cup into Kano’s hands. “You like sweet things, right?”

Kano gave an affirmative nod, blowing softly at the steaming beverage.

“I’m flattered that you remembered, Shintaro.”

“It’s really… sort of hard to forget. We have so much goddamn ice cream in our freezer; there’s no more room for food,” Shintaro responded, entirely truthful. Just one of these days, he’d like to open the door to the freezer without a pint of cookies and cream falling onto his foot. “Is the tea good? Do you think it’ll help?”

“Yeah,” Kano took a small sip, bringing his knees up to his chest as he settled back onto the couch. “Thanks for the honey, _honey_.”

It was just a joke, but it still made Shintaro’s heart skip a beat nonetheless.

“You’re welcome,” He muttered in response, his own voice sounding slightly strangled.

Kano spared a glance over at him and his blushing face, which there was really no denying at this point, and gradually began to turn red himself, slapping a palm over his eyes as he turned away.

“ _Please_ don’t look so embarrassed. You’re going to make me embarrassed, too. Seriously.” He pleaded, though it was painfully obvious to Shintaro that it was already too late for that. Kano was fairly easy to read on that level, at least.

The rest of the morning managed to pass by without any other incidents occurring. Kano finished up his tea, attempted to get up to put the dishes in the sink, only to be stopped by Shintaro, who brought the dishes in for him. They left the TV on, only partially watching it, as they sat side by side.

Shintaro was just beginning to zone out when he felt Kano’s hair brush against the side of his neck.

It didn’t fully surprise him to see that Kano had apparently fallen asleep sometime between the appetizer and entrée round of the show, though it _did_ shake Shintaro up to some degree that he was apparently going to be used as a pillow for his napping soulmate.

Not that he was necessarily opposed to it.

Letting his shoulder relax a bit, Shintaro stretched, his arm curling around Kano’s softly snoring form. It just felt better in that position. Easier on the shoulders. Holding his soulmate protectively was just _easier on the shoulders_ , he told himself, stealing another peek at Kano’s sleeping face.

Even when he was asleep, he still looked good, Shintaro mused, fingers carding through the other’s short blond locks. His fingertips rested quietly on Kano’s temple before feeling suddenly creepy and pulling them away. Through the thin fabric of Shintaro’s shirt, he could just faintly see the outline of numbers. Counting down.

The reminder of the subtimer always seemed to hit him at the worst possible moments.

How many days did they have left together? How much time? It wasn’t fair, that they were finally starting to understand each other, and fate was ready to snatch Kano up, just like that. It wasn’t _fair._

Shintaro swallowed hard, his eyes glancing down to his left wrist.

And since it was so _unfair_ , it only made sense to try and defy it, right?

Maybe it would work.

Maybe he could stop it.

As faint as the hope was, the idea of possibly getting around the inevitability of the timer sent shivers down Shintaro’s spine. It was probably just a pipe dream, but there was no reason to _not_ try and prevent it from reaching zero.

There had to be a way to stop the timer, he thought, glaring intensely at his left arm.

If it was an accident, all he had to do was prevent it. If it was an illness, all he had to do was make sure that Kano received treatment. If it was _something else_ , then he just had to talk Kano down from doing anything drastic. They already _had_ an advantage in knowing exactly when he was apparently supposed to die. So long as he had that knowledge, Shintaro thought with ever-growing determination, the possibility of saving him wasn’t entirely out of the question.

No, actually, there was _definitely_ a way to save him. Shintaro was sure of it.

Kano’s head dropped down to rest against the crook of his neck, and if there were any doubts in his mind before, they all but evaporated as Kano unknowingly leaned into Shintaro’s embrace. He was so _warm_ , he thought. It was something that came with being alive.

“Kano,” Shintaro whispered. “Are you awake?”

There was no answer. Feeling more powerful than he had in a long while, Shintaro closed his eyes.

The universe had dictated them to be soulmates from day one. Through biological bonds, some sort of higher power, something else, whatever. They were linked. And _apparently,_ everything in their individual lives was merely filler, leading them to the point where they would finally meet each other, and _blah, blah, blah_.

Maybe it was a mistake that he and Kano had been linked together. Just a flaw in an otherwise perfect system, yet, Shintaro had long gotten over his initial reservations about such things.  He had an actual life now. An apartment with food, a loving pet, internet, enough money to buy things without too much worry, and a job that he actually didn’t mind doing. All of that, and Kano- someone who was just as sarcastic and irritating as he was self-deprecating, who truly cared about the people around him and made everything interesting, breathing life into what would have otherwise been a monochromatic existence.

That was Shintaro’s life now. Kano was a part of it. If something as abstract as the universe _really_ wanted to take that away, then it’d have to go through him first, and there was no goddamn way that he’d let it rob him of it without a fight.

“I’ve made up my mind,” He said softly, arms curling around Kano’s torso, hands hovering just above the scarred patch of skin. “I’m going to stop this timer. I’m not letting you die.”


End file.
